


On the Brink

by KineticJellyfish



Category: Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats - T. S. Eliot
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crimes & Criminals, Drinking, F/M, Gen, Hallucinations, Hallucinations of character death, Hallucinogens, I apologize in advance to poor Munkustrap, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Major Angst/Wholesome Ending, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Psychological Horror, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Read at your own discretion, Recreational Drug Use, Therapeutic Healing, Trigger Warnings Galore, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:20:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 46,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23489722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KineticJellyfish/pseuds/KineticJellyfish
Summary: ((This story contains content that may be disturbing to sensitive readers. Discretion is advised.))It has been several months since the incident at the highway that nearly took his life, and Munkustrap is still struggling to move on. Though his body has mostly healed, his mind is slow to follow, and he finds his nights plagued with nightmares, his days fraught with obsession.In his desire to bring the one that wronged him and his family to justice, he makes a grave mistake and unintentionally places himself in the clutches of the Hidden Paw himself, where he’ll find himself tested to the very brink of his sanity.When Munkustrap turns up missing, Tugger and Mistoffelees go on the hunt, which brings Tugger back into a world he thought he left behind years ago. With the help of a sultry pub cat and a guilt ridden smuggler, can they bring back the Guardian before they lose him forever?
Relationships: Demeter/Munkustrap (Cats), Mr. Mistoffelees/Rum Tum Tugger
Comments: 161
Kudos: 110





	1. A Step Too Far

**Author's Note:**

> ((This story contains content that may be disturbing to sensitive readers. Discretion is advised.))
> 
> This is a distant sequel to Reforged Brotherhood. What would happen if Munkustrap became consumed by his desire to end Macavity's reign of terror upon him and his family?
> 
> A huge shoutout to DC_JellicleQueen33 for helping me SO MUCH with this story, so much so that I now consider her a co-writer!
> 
> Comments and criticisms are always welcome!

He wasn't back yet. Alonzo growled softly as he paced back and forth in the waning moonlight, his feet pattering softly on the metal bars of his current perch on the fire escape. He was trying his best to stay hidden, but he was starting to grow vastly impatient. It was nearing dawn and Munkustrap had said he would be gone only briefly, but it had been hours. Alonzo was starting to wonder if meeting with these street cats had been a good idea.

The warmth of summer had disappeared, replaced by a wet chill as autumn took hold. Piles of dead leaves swirled against the brick walls of the dark alleyways and lit store fronts, gathering up in wet piles against the walls. For a few months now Munkustrap and Alonzo had been chasing down rumors and gossip of the Hidden Paw, anything to give them a clue as to where he took up shop, who he rubbed elbows with, his operations and hustles.

There were so many leads, and just as many dead ends. Many of the strays were too scared to speak at all. The rumors that spread amongst them of Macavity's magical abilities, and his violently wrathful nature, had terrified them into silence. 

But the duo were getting close. This recent lead had brought them close to Macavity's inner circle, an alley cat by the name of Minuet. He supposedly ran contraband for the Mystery Cat himself, but had been growing disillusioned and was seeking a way out. Word had reached the Guardian from the street cats of this runner and his desire to assist them.

It was he that they had been meeting tonight, though he had insisted on speaking to Munkustrap alone. Alonzo had been hesitant, he knew better than anyone else how treacherous strays could be in order to advance their own agendas. Munkustrap, however, had agreed to the meeting, reassuring Alonzo he could protect himself if need be and to wait for him to return, which had brought Alonzo to his current perch.

His anxiety had grown into frustration, and was starting to advance toward anger when he finally heard a familiar chitter. His ears perked as he glanced down into the alleyway, spotting silver fur illuminating in the flickering street lamp. 

"About time." Alonzo climbed down the metal ladder, silent as a shadow. Munkustrap stood up on twos as he approached the fire escape, Alonzo striding up to him and brushing up against him in relief. "I was starting to get anxious, Munk. What took you so long?"

The Guardian touched his nose to Alonzo’s shoulder in apology. "Forgive me, I didn't mean to worry you. We lost track of the time, but it was a very fruitful meeting." He gestured behind him, a dark tabby Tom appeared out of the shadows near the road and silently walked up to them. Alonzo bristled in alarm, but Munkustrap put a gentle paw on his elbow. “Easy… It’s just our contact. Minuet, this is Alonzo, my second in command. The one I was telling you about."

"Charmed." Minuet stood up on twos before them, bowing his head in respect. He was a lean cat, thin and tall, with brown and grey fur and deep orange eyes. “I’ve heard quite a bit about you from your Guardian here. To be honest, I feel safer knowing just how hard you both are working this.”

"Macavity is a threat to all of us and I'm tired of sitting in the dark just waiting for him to strike again. It’s time we finally take him out once and for all." Alonzo spat, his tail twitching in anger as he turned to Munkustrap. "So what do we got?"

Munkustrap glanced at Alonzo, there was a light of relief in his eyes. "A location, tonight, of where Macavity plans to meet to discuss transport of goods."

The shock on Alonzo's face must have been obvious, for Minuet laughed as he spoke. "You’re serious? All this time and we finally have him?"

"He plans to meet with me right at dawn. The only details I have are about a new product he needs me to move through The Ivory Lantern. I’m sure you’ve heard of it.”

Alonzo’s ears pinned back, “That pub down by the docks, right? I’ve heard of it. A few of our own frequent there.”

“That’s the one. I don't have all the details yet, but that's what the meeting is for." The street cat let out a heavy sigh, "You have no idea how long I've waited for this. We're tired of living under his iron paw, jumping at his every beck and call. We long to be free of his influence. Who better to end it than the very tribe he came from?"

Munkustrap frowned, "As poetic as it is, it's still a sad affair. Let's not waste any more time. Lead the way, please."

"Of course. Stay far behind, we don't want to attract any attention. Macavity has eyes everywhere." With that Minuet turned and took off, disappearing into the shadows. The two Jellicle protectors followed after a beat to give him a decent head start.

Alonzo ran along the walls, keeping low to the ground. "Munk, you sure we can trust this cat? That the information is good?"

Munkustrap took the high ground, darting over dumpsters and trash cans, "I don't trust anyone that runs with Macavity, wanting out or otherwise, but I don't have any reason to believe he's lying. His information checked out with what we already knew."

Alonzo's gut was telling him differently, but he trusted Munkustrap's judgement more than any other. If his leader, his friend, was confident in this stranger, then he would be too. For now.

Minuet led them deep into the city, far from Jellicle territory. They descended into a vast maze of warehouses and factories by the docks, the stink of rotting fish and stagnant water in the air. It never failed to make Alonzo sick to his stomach.

Minuet stopped before a factory, and the duo observed from a short distance away, hunkered down amongst drainage piping. Minuet approached a junction surrounded by high walls, lit by a single yellow bulb. He confidently walked in as if it were an everyday stroll.

Munkustrap's eyes narrowed to slits as they caught sight of a second shadow, and glimmer of orange fur. "There he is..."

Munkustrap was tense, his tail quivering as he watched this alley cat touch paws with Macavity himself, both of them striding further into the junction to have their talk. His claws extended against the pipe he hid behind, and he had started to tremble.

Alonzo reached out, giving Munkustrap's shoulder a squeeze. "Don't lose your cool."

The Guardian let out a breath, his eyes briefly turning to his friend. "Sorry… I've been waiting for this moment for a long time."

And Alonzo knew why. His eyes went briefly down to his companion, noticing his stance. Even after all these months Munkustrap was still slightly favoring his left leg. He remembered that day, recalling it just as clearly as if it were that morning, when Munkustrap had been tricked into running out into the highway, causing him to be struck by a car.

The injuries he sustained had long healed, but Alonzo was fairly certain Munkustrap still felt the effects of them, mentally if not physically. Alonzo could hardly blame him for wanting so badly for this to finally come to a close.

But still, Alonzo couldn’t help but feel apprehensive about the whole situation. Something just felt...wrong. "Munk, doesn't this feel odd to you?"

Munkustrap glanced back at him with a frown. "You suspect something?"

"I...I don't know. Call it pessimism maybe, but something about this feels...way too easy. We've been at this for months, Munk. Months of dead ends and false leads, and suddenly this just falls into our lap? Macavity himself? It doesn't feel right."

The Guardian looked back at the junction, watching as the two cats disappeared, but still able to hear their voices. He looked thoughtful, but had an air of urgency around him. "Too easy or not, this is an opportunity. I hear you, Alonzo, I feel your concern, but I don't know if we can let this pass by. It may be further months before we get another chance, and with winter approaching I fear we may lose him all together."

He was right, autumn was in full swing now, it would probably start getting colder soon. When winter arrived the majority of the street cat population would either move underground or hunker down in whatever holes they could find. Once they disappeared, it would probably not be until spring or summer when they would finally have the next opportunity to track him again. Could they afford to wait? With what was at stake? 

As much as this didn't sit well in his gut, Alonzo found himself reluctantly agreeing. They had to at least try. What choice did they have? "Alright, cautiously then. I'm with you. Let’s go."

Both of them started to move in closer, staying low to the ground and out of sight. As they approached the junction they flanked the entrance, Alonzo to the left, Munkustrap to the right. The Guardian dared a quick glance inside just as Minuet and Macavity turned a corner and disappeared again.

Munkustrap gave Alonzo a nod and they both silently went in after them, sticking as close to the wall as they could. They came together around the corner of the bend, Munkustrap letting out a soft breath and whispering to Alonzo. "Hit fast and hard, don't give him an opportunity to react. Together."

Alonzo nodded, ready to spring. "Together."

A heartbeat, two heartbeats, and they rounded the corner, fangs bared and claws out, ready to strike.

But there was nothing.

The bend they had gone into led to a dead end, and yet it was deserted.

Alonzo felt his heart sink into his stomach as his ears pinned back, "Oh no."

"Move!" Munkustrap grabbed his shoulder and spun Alonzo away, shoving him forward to run as all hell broke loose.

Their world suddenly exploded around them, a mind shattering sound, a light so bright it was as if the twilight had turned to midday in an instant. Alonzo felt himself smack back against the brick wall, his ears ringing, stars dancing across his vision, Munkustrap pressed against his front to shield him.

They both went to the ground when the light died away, their equilibrium going haywire. Munkustrap was clutching at his ears, shaking his head with a snarl. He had been blinded and deafened, having taken the brunt of the flashbang.

"Munk..!" Alonzo himself was not as crippled, though he had lost his sense of balance. "Get up! Move!" Alonzo attempted to haul him up, at least to get him running, but a kick to the stomach knocked the wind from him.

He rolled away, gasping for breath from the blow. He clawed at the ground as he scrambled to rise and defend himself, but another kick sent him back into the dirt. A knee was suddenly against his head, pinning him down, and a weight came down harshly on his wrist. "Well, well... What have we here?" Macavity's deep voice cooed in Alonzo's ears.

Alonzo bared his fangs with a sharp hiss, the weight on his head keeping him from lashing out and biting. "Now, now, let's not be hasty, shall we? You wouldn't want to do something you regret. I do have to admit, this is a delightful surprise. I wanted my dear brother alone, but to have you here, to watch? This victory is suddenly all the sweeter."

Alonzo snarled, claws flexing and leaving deep furrows in the dirt. "Damn son of a pollicle! I beat your ass before, let me up and I'll show you how a real cat fights!"

He let out a sharp cry as the paw on his wrist stamped down hard, threatening to break it, Macavity’s knee pressing harder down on his skull. "I would watch your tongue, stray. You wouldn't want anything to happen to your dear Guardian, would you?"

He heard the high pitched chittering of rats, snarling viciously as four of them dragged Munkustrap to the entrance of the junction. The Jellicle Guardian was bound, paws crossed over his chest and immobilized with thick cord coiled around his torso, a metal rod jammed behind his fangs to gag him. He was still disoriented, but lashing out at the rats with his legs whenever they came close. "You filthy bastard..!"

"Temper, temper… You just always seem to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, Alonzo. You have nothing to fear though, it's not you I'm after. I have...business with my dear brother here. You are free to go. However..."

Claws slashed along Alonzo's ribs, splitting the skin open, wrenching a shriek from him as blood bubbled from the wound to stain his white fur. "That was for our fight at the Ball..."

Munkustrap started thrashing, kicking viciously at the rats restraining him. He twisted and arched to an effort to escape his bonds when he heard his second, his close friend, scream. He managed to get one paw free and he brought his claws down heavily on a rat, the rodent shrieking in pain. Tearing the gag from his mouth, he tried to force himself up to his feet, still partially blind. "Alonzo..!"

But Macavity was faster, he darted forward, his paw lashing out and taking hold of Munkustrap's throat, squeezing tight as he forced the Guardian back down to the ground.

Munkustrap's paw clawed at his wrist, struggling to take in a breath as the rats swarmed again to restrain him. "Do you know how long I’ve been looking for you, dear brother? And here you are, almost crawling into my lap. You’re a bigger fool than I thought you were."

Munkustrap's paws were bound again, the gag replaced behind his fangs, it was only then did Macavity let him go, allowing the Guardian to take in several painful gasping breaths. "Bring him, try not to damage him. Leave the other one."

Alonzo laid on his side on the ground, clutching at the gaping wound on his side, dizzy from blood loss as he watched the rats drag Munkustrap away into the dark.

He tried to get up, to follow, but the pain sent him back to the ground, bringing with it a fresh squirt of blood.

Tawny paws stepped into his view, Minuet had returned. His voice was quiet as he spoke, full of guilt. "Sorry, mate, it's nothing personal, just trying to survive."

Alonzo glared daggers into Minuet, giving him a furious, yet weak growl before his eyes rolled back, his vision tunneling as the blood loss finally dragged him down into darkness.


	2. Qualities of a Leader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((This story contains content that may be disturbing to sensitive readers. Discretion is advised.))
> 
> In which Admetus gives the bad news to Tugger.
> 
> And in which a discussion takes place, and decisions are made about the tribe.
> 
> Comments and criticisms always welcome!

Admetus paced back and forth by the tunnel entrance to the Junkyard, waiting silently, yet anxiously. With the autumn season in full swing the sun had gone, the sky a dull, murky grey. The non stop rain had left the grass soggy, the mud soft, and it squelched uncomfortably between his toes as he walked. It was a miserable day, in more ways than one, and Admetus wanted nothing more than to curl up in his den and huddle under his blankets, but he had a job to do.

As the most senior of the guards Admetus had been put temporarily in charge while both Munkustrap and Alonzo had gone out in the city. There weren't any specifics offered, and none given when Admetus questioned him. It wasn't that he felt ungrateful or unready for the responsibility of tentative leadership, but the urgency in Munkustrap's demeanor had been startling. The Guardian had never looked so out of sorts before.

Still, Admetus took his role as a leader very seriously, and he didn’t argue when Munkustrap had shut down his questioning, though he was fully expecting the Guardian and his second in command to have returned by morning light to relieve him. That had stretched out into another night, then a second, a third, and now... Admetus had expected many things but THIS had not been one of them.

His ears perked and he ceased his pacing when he heard another set of approaching footsteps. The one he had been waiting for. Out of the trees and long grass that surrounded the entrance to the Junkyard, the Rum Tum Tugger emerged, mane damp with rain as he stood up on twos. "'Metus."

"Tugger, thanks for coming." He turned and darted through the tunnel, Tugger right behind him. "Sorry to call you so suddenly like this, but it couldn’t wait."

“It's fine, I needed to come out this way anyway.” Tugger spoke as nonchalantly as he could, but Admetus knew he was worried, they all were. “So, what’s going on?”

Admetus could feel the bristling energy that exuded from Tugger, it shot like electricity up along his spine and made him terribly uneasy. An angry Tugger had the potential to be a dangerous Tugger and he hardly wanted to be the one to release that part of him. With the circumstances as they were though, everyone with higher standing needed to be brought up to speed on the situation. “We found Alonzo.”

...Silence. Admetus turned to look over his shoulder at Tugger. The Maine Coon had stopped, his claws extended and digging furrows into the mud. “Where? When?”

“This morning.” Admetus turned to face him, his eyes full of worry. “Just outside the yard. He’s…he’s not good, Tugs.”

Tugger’s face was unreadable, but Admetus could see a darkness in his eyes, one that scared him. He had never seen Tugger look so...frightening before. “And Straps?”

...He shook his head. “We don’t know.”

Tugger’s fur was standing on end, and Admetus hunched his shoulders when he spoke again. “Show me.”

The young protector turned and hurried away, heading straight for Jenny’s den as Tugger followed. Inside, Jennyanydots was bent over a bed on the far side of the wall, Jellylorum sitting at the head, holding a squirming body in her arms, Tantomile crouched next to them. Admetus and Tugger slowly approached, the younger cat clearing his throat. “Jenny… How is he?”

It was then that Tugger finally got a clear view of their patient, and his eyes narrowed to slits.

Alonzo lay propped up against Jellylorum, his breath ragged in his chest, the old Queen holding a wet rag to his ears and face. He was flushed heavily with fever, his eyes dull and half lidded, and he was writhing. Every movement had him whining in pain, his paws clawing at his own chest and stomach, like he was trying to rip his own fur out. Jenny had to constantly pull them away before he could actually hurt himself. On his side were long, deep lacerations, blood mixed with pus oozing from them. Tugger had to wrinkle his nose at the putrid smell that emanated from him. 

“Not so good, dear…” Jenny came to stand by Tantomile, holding a bowl full of rags. “But his fever’s gone down, and he’s awake. It’s progress.”

Tantomile had her paws slightly hovering over the festering wounds on his side, her eyes set in concentration, and Tugger could see a gentle glow emanate from her pads. Alonzo took in a stuttering gasp of pain as tainted fluids were drawn from the lesions and toward her paws, Jenny cleaning them away with one of the rags. 

“These aren’t normal wounds. This didn’t happen in a scrap with an alley cat." Tantomile whispered. "There’s a darkness at work here, a deep, old magic…”

Tugger’s face was devoid of emotion, his paws crossed over his chest as he stared down at the patched Tom, “...Do we know what happened? How he got back?”

“No. Plato was walking perimeter patrol outside when he found him by the tunnel.” Admetus spoke up, “Munkus said he was just going out on business and that he was taking Alonzo with him. He put me in charge, said he would be back soon. But Tugger...that was three days ago.” 

Admetus’ ears pinned back. “But this isn’t the only reason I asked you to come.” He turned to look at him, “With Munkus gone, Alonzo like this, and Old Deuteronomy not here, we’re leaderless.”

Tugger frowned at him, suddenly not liking where the conversation went. “I thought you said Straps put you in charge.”

“Of the guards, yes. But of the Jellicles?” Admetus shook his head. “As the last kitten of Old Deuteronomy, Tugger, that responsibility falls to you.”

The entire den went silent at that, Tugger’s eyes going wide. He just...stared at him, rooted to the spot in shock. Him? Lead the Jellicles? 

"What? That's…" He shook his head. "'Metus, I couldn't…"

"Him!? Lead us?" Jellylorum interrupted, carefully easing herself out from behind Alonzo and laying him down as he started to settle. "He's barely an adult himself, and you think he's capable of leading the entire tribe?"

"Munkustrap was younger than him when he became the Guardian, Jelly dear." Jenny cut in, still bent over with Tantomile.

"He's hardly his older brother!" Jellylorum hissed, gesturing wildly with her paws in agitation. "He's never taken a single thing seriously in his entire life! And you suddenly think he should be in charge? I'd sooner put one of the kittens in charge over him!"

"What choice do we have, Jelly?" Admetus stood up, joining the argument. "He's the youngest of Old Deuteronomy, by blood right he is next in line for leadership!"

"Blood rights have nothing to do with competency!"

Tugger just stood there as they argued about him, his paw over his muzzle as he let this sink in. As much as he hated to admit it, Jellylorum was right. Tugger...he wasn't at all leadership material. He didn't have Munkustrap's commanding presence, or his patience. In fact he was NOTHING like his brother. Munkustrap wasn't just trained for this, he was a natural at it. Everyone looked up to him and respected him. How could Tugger ever hope to compare to Munkustrap?

"Well, I think he would make a wonderful leader."

The group nearly jumped out of their skins at the sudden appearance of a newcomer amongst them, Tugger blinking as he glanced down at the Cat by his side that he had SWORN was not there a second ago. "Sparkles..?"

Mistoffelees looked up at him with a smile, giving him an affectionate nuzzle before stepping away and turning his attention back to the group, "If Munkustrap had any doubts in his abilities he would have appointed a third. Yes, Tugger can be immature at times," He shot his mate an apologetic smile as Tugger gave him a look. "But he knows better than anyone the seriousness of this. He'd be a good leader, if he had all of us to back him up and help him. Right?"

Mistoffelees gave Jellylorum a pointed look, the elderly Queen scoffing softly and turning away. Tugger gave his little mate a small, thankful smile as he came to stand by him again. Trust in the little magician to stand up for him when he couldn't find the courage to do it himself.

"I think this is a lot for all of us to take in, all of our nerves have been frayed today." Tantomile said calmly as she stood, wiping her paws on a clean rag. "Let us all retire for now and come back to this with fresh perspectives in a few hours."

"Agreed, and you all can leave my den. Let Alonzo sleep." Jenny shooed everyone out, turning her attention back to the sick Tom while everyone went to cool off.

***

Tugger felt so sick to his stomach...

Both he and Mistoffelees had retreated to their shared den, Tugger’s mood having taken a turn for the worse as the gravity of everything that’s been happening finally struck him. "What the hell is everyone thinking, Sparkles? I'm no leader. Hell, I wouldn't even make a good guard, let alone a leader."

"They're scared." Mistoffelees came to sit beside Tugger, leaning against his side. "This hasn't happened before, has it?"

"Not for a long time, since I was a kitten, but even then, Straps was already being trained, he was ready to step into the role. But me? Everlasting, Misto, there's no way I could ever be any kind of decent leader. It's just not me." Tugger put his arm around Mistoffelees, pulling him closer.

"You can’t keep doubting yourself." The smaller Tux took Tugger's paw in his own. "You're not alone, Tugs. I'm here, the other guards are here, the elders are. Until we can get word to Old Deuteronomy-"

"No." Tugger interrupted with a frown, his ears pinning back. "It's getting too cold, he wouldn't be able to make the trip here and back." Tugger sighed, covering his face with his paw. "Damn it, Straps, why couldn't you just LISTEN to me?"

Mistoffelees glanced up at him, his ears pinning. "Tugs…do you know what happened to him?"

He was silent for a beat, not quite meeting his mate's eyes. He cursed himself for not being able to lie to him. "I have my suspicions… Straps, he...he hasn't been doing well for the past few months."

Tugger sat back, resting his nose against Mistoffelees' ear. "After I moved in with him I've been noticing that he's been having nightmares. He won't admit it to me, but I can hear it, Misto. He cries in his sleep. When he's awake he can't sit still, and every moment he's out of the house, he's searching."

"For Macavity?"

Tugger nodded, flopping backwards and pulling Mistoffelees on top of him, his weight a comforting presence. “He’s been chasing down any stray that might know anything about where he could be. Any lead he finds he follows it to the end, even if it turns out to be nothing. There were some nights he didn’t come home. Our human…” 

He let out a shaky breath, trying not to let his emotions get the better of him. “Everlasting, I begged him not to go. I tried to force him not to go. Why couldn’t he listen to me for once in his damn life?”

Mistoffelees sat up, straddling Tugger’s hips as he looked him in the eyes. “We’ll find him, Tugs. I promise, we’ll find him.”

Tugger was silent for a beat, swallowing hard as he rolled over and gathered up Mistoffelees in his arms. He pressed his face into the white fluff that covered his chest, his claws lightly digging into his little mate’s spine. “It’s happening all over again, Sparkles…”

His voice was so quiet. Mistoffelees felt Tugger tighten his hold, and the shuddering breath he took in, “...It’s okay, Tugs.” 

His tongue slowly slid over Tugger’s ears, sitting up and putting his arms around his shoulders. “Let it go. It’s just us.”

Tugger’s breath came out harshly against his chest, and he felt tears soak into his fur. He held him as tightly as he could, lowering his head to rest it against Tugger’s. “We’ll find him. I swear to you, we'll find him.”

***

That evening, the clouds parted just enough to let the setting sun shine through, warming the ground and chasing away some of the cold and damp. Tugger sat upon the tire in the central clearing, his paws crossed over his chest as his eyes moved between all of the gathered cats around him.

Plato and Tumblebrutus sat together by the tire steps, their ears down and tails slowly swishing from side to side. Admetus sat to his left, looking decidedly melancholy, his own paws crossed against his stomach. To his right Mistoffelees was against his side, his paw hooked around Tugger’s elbow. Finally, across from him, the two elder Queens Jellylorum and Jennyanydots stood, Jelly regarding Tugger cooly while Jenny was slowly stroking Tumble’s ears.

“So…” Tugger finally spoke. “I think you know why I asked you all to come here.”

He sat a little bit straighter, looking at each of them in turn. Plato’s face was unreadable, his eyes downcast. Admetus was paying close attention, a frown on his face. Jellylorum simply scoffed quietly. “I’m sure that everyone knows the current situation by now. The Guardian has been missing for a few days, and his appointed second in command is too injured and sick to take his place. Naturally, as the next heir to Old Deuteronomy, it’s been put on me to take over leadership until either the Guardian is found, or his second is well enough to take over.”

Tugger glanced around again, Jellylorum had a sour look on her face, and Mistoffelees gently gave his elbow an encouraging squeeze. Tugger sighed softly, putting his paw over his mate’s. “Jenny? How’s Alonzo doing?”

“He’s doing much better than this morning, dear.” Tumblebrutus leaned against her as she rubbed his ears, starting to purr. “His fever’s gone down, and the infection is cleaned out. He’s resting comfortably now.”

He nodded, “That’s good to hear. Alright…” He took another deep breath and let it out slowly, grasping Mistoffelees' paw to gather his courage. “I know we haven’t been in a situation like this for a very long time, and I know that this is hard on everyone, but none more so than family.” His eyes settled on Jellylorum and Jennyanydots, the two Queens who helped raise him and Munkustrap when their own mother had abandoned them. “So, after a lot of discussion with my mate, we both came to the decision that it’s not in the best interest of the tribe for me to take over at the moment.”

Everyone’s head went up in pure shock, but none was in more shock than Jellylorum, who was staring at Tugger with wide eyes. 

“Tugger, are you sure..?” Admetus spoke up on his left.

“Yes. But that doesn’t mean I’m absolving myself of all responsibility. That’s why I called everyone here. Until Alonzo is back on his feet, or Straps is found and returned, I’m appointing Jennyanydots, Jellylorum, and Skimbleshanks, when he returns from the Night Mail, as the main contact points of leadership. Admetus?” He turned to the young Tom next to him, “I’m appointing you as an advisor, and temporary Guardian.”

Admetus sat up straighter, as did Plato and Tumblebrutus. “When Straps is back, and if he’s fit enough, you’ll defer duties back to him, or Alonzo, whoever is ready first.”

“Yes sir.” Admetus had a big grin on his face and gave him a salute. “I won’t let you down, Tugger! I got this handled!”

He returned his grin, suddenly feeling much more confident and relaxed. “I know you won’t. You’re more than capable. Jenny? Jelly? I’m sure the tribe will be in great paws under your watch, but if you need extra help, please don’t hesitate to ask. The entire tribe is behind you."

Jennyanydots looked so proud, and Jellylorum still looked shocked. “This… This is very mature of you, Rum Tum. I don’t know what to say other than this...” She had a small smile forming on her face. “I’m very proud of you, kitten.”

“Don’t be yet.” He stood up on the tire, Mistoffelees standing with him with a bright smile, “Wait until Straps is safely home. For now, I guess we’re all dismissed.”

“Alright, you heard him! I know it’s a terrible time right now, but it’s all the more reason for us to remain vigilant. Tumble? Plato? Let’s go, we have work to do.” Admetus stood and hopped off the tire, the two younger Tomkits heading after him.

Jenny had run off to return to her den, Jellylorum heading after her, and all the tension left Tugger as he let out a heavy winded sigh, his shoulders drooping. Mistoffelees put his arms around the larger Tom’s waist, nuzzling his face into his chest as he gave him a tight hug. “Whoa, Misto.” He laughed, putting his paw on his companion’s head. “What’s all this?”

“Rum Tum Tugger, I am so proud of you!” His icy eyes were bright with excitement, the sparkling energy in his coat practically shimmering. “And you said you couldn’t be a leader! Look at what you just did! Munk would be proud of you too!”

Tugger blinked down at his tiny companion, a playful smirk slowly spreading on his face as he circled his arms around him. “Nah, it’s no big deal...Just doing what needs to be done.” Though his burning face clearly betrayed his embarrassment over his mate’s praise.

“Oi, um… Tuggah..?”

His ears perked at the sound of his name, his ear swiveling as he turned his head towards the voice. “...Rumpleteazer?”

The young tiger Queen was half behind a post, wiggling back and forth on her feet. She looked decidedly nervous. “Tuggah… Can ah speak t’ya?”

Tugger frowned, glancing down at Mistoffelees and briefly meeting his eyes before looking back to her. “Sure, Teaze… Are you alright?”

She said nothing, just turning and disappearing into the trash piles. Both Tugger and Mistoffelees blinked at each other in confusion before following after her. “There’s… there’s somethin’ ya need t'know.”

“Teazer. You’re starting to worry me.” Tugger followed her into the labyrinth of pathways, only stopping when they reached a tiny alcove, where a very serious looking Mungojerrie was waiting for them, paws crossed as he leaned against a trash pile.

Tugger was starting to get annoyed, his fur bristling, “Okay, if you guys don’t tell me what the hell is going on right now, I’m gonna knock both your heads together!” Tugger snarled at them both, Mistoffelees grabbing his arm to hold him back.

“Tugs, ya need t’listen.” Mungojerrie pushed himself off the pile and turned to face them. “We heard somethin’ that might help ya.” 

His eyes met Rumpleteazer’s, his sister wringing her paws as she gave them all a lopsided smile. “Sooo… What d’ya know abou’ tha Ivory Lantern?”


	3. Losing Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((This story contains content that may be disturbing to sensitive readers. Discretion is advised.))
> 
> In which we come back to Munkustrap, and learn just what Macavity might have in store for our captured Guardian.
> 
> Comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome!

In the dark underground, a mouse quietly chittered as it picked its way across a grungy pipe, hopping down the rivets that lined it’s length as it made its way to the floor. It’s ears twitched as it glanced around, skittering against the wall and sniffing at bits of salt that had crusted on the floor in it's search for crumbs. It stilled, lifting it's head as it heard a gentle rattle of chains, then darted away as a paw came down where it had just been.

Munkustrap cursed softly to himself as he watched his only chance for a meal disappear into a hole. He snorted in disgust as he rested his head back on the muck covered wall beside him. How long had it been since he had been brought here, to this scummy tunnel? How many days? Munkustrap had lost all sense of time since the rats had brought him here and abandoned him in the dark.

A chain had been attached to his collar, leashed to a hook on the wall far above his head. Not that he could reach it anyway if he tried with his legs bound with hobble straps, preventing him from standing. 

His leg… Everlasting, it was on fire. The muscle was tightly knotted and painful, with no amount of self massage seeming to ease it. It certainly hadn't helped that Munkustrap had been scrunched up in that filthy corner for what felt like days with very little to eat, and no clean water.

He had tried to catch droplets as they fell from the ceiling, but the taste when it landed on his tongue nearly made him vomit. Algae and salt, stagnant sea water, completely undrinkable. He knew this had to be intentional, to keep him weakened. Why else would they arrogantly leave his claws and teeth free knowing how formidable a warrior he was?

The why didn’t matter at the moment, what did matter was planning his escape. He knew he was still at the docks, the crusty salt and sea water dripping down the walls told him as such. He knew he was underground, in the sewers or drainage piping with how much the air stank, but that also meant he wouldn’t be able to scent his way out. As much as he loathed to admit it, he was trapped. For now. He would have to wait to see how this played out.

But as he waited, his thoughts turned inward, and he silently cursed himself. How could he have been so stupid? So blind? He should have known better than to believe he had Macavity cornered, to think that any of his subordinates would betray him so easily like that. Munkustrap had been so eager to find Macavity, so laser focused on bringing him to justice, he had allowed his emotions and desires to cloud his judgement.

And it may have cost him the life of his closest friend.

He shook the thoughts from his head. He needed to be strong, to have hope. He HAD to have hope. He tried to get comfortable, as much as one could in the slime he sat in, and he let out a soft breath as he closed his eyes. A nap would do him some good right now, to preserve what little energy he had left.

But as he quieted in his attempt to sleep he could hear something off in the distance, an echo of scratching claws and a faint voice, one he recognized. He pressed further into the corner, his fur standing on end as that voice came closer. When he spotted a figure come round the corner, and the dull orange fur, he kept his head turned away and his eyes downcast. Macavity himself had come to visit him.

Munkustrap wasn’t afraid of him, far from it in fact, but in his weakened state he didn’t think he could resist the spellbinding gaze of the Hidden Paw. Even still...as his elder brother approached, Munkustrap couldn't help but recall all that Macavity had done to him, to his family. His paw unconsciously came to rest over the thick scar on his thigh, squeezing at the aching muscle. As Macavity silently stopped beside him, Munkustrap braced himself for whatever torture was about to come.

Macavity simply tilted his head, giving Munkustrap's body a glance over. " My, my… What a sorry state you’re in, dear brother.” 

He didn't grace that statement with a response, though it was infuriatingly true. The Guardian’s silver fur had gone muddy grey with grime and salt, and it stuck uncomfortably to his skin, his normally bright green eyes clouded from his exhaustion and pain. He wasn’t exactly in pristine condition. 

“Are you thirsty?” Macavity crouched down, holding two cups in his paws. Munkustrap took in a soft breath through his nose and he could smell the fresh water in them. He was suddenly acutely aware of just how dehydrated he was.

Still, Munkustrap said nothing, giving Macavity the side eye, his face turned away. He was so close his smokey scent was starting to become overwhelming. A soft laugh came from his elder brother. "You always have such a hateful look in your eyes when we see each other. Do you loathe me that much? I'm not here to hurt you."

"Where's Alonzo..?"

He chuckled at him, a mocking, condescending laugh. "Is that what you're worried about? So selfless, but that's not your concern right now, is it? Now drink." Macavity presented one of the cups, but Munkustrap remained still, staring at it. 

“It’s not poisoned, if that’s what you’re thinking.” As if to demonstrate, he took a sip from it himself, to prove it was clean, before holding it back out for him. "Go on."

Munkustrap frowned, but he slowly lifted his paw and reached for the cup, half expecting Macavity to cruelly pull it away, or perhaps throw it at him, but he just...handed it over. Just like that. He gave Munkustrap an expectant look and the Guardian brought it to his lips, taking a slow sip of it. It was fresh, cold, and felt wonderful on his pasty tongue, and he found himself tipping the cup back, taking a few desperate gulps to ease his dry throat.

“There, you see? You give me so little credit.” Macavity stood with a triumphant grin, stepping away with his own cup and taking a drink. “You know I'm not unnecessarily cruel, especially to my family. Unless they give me a reason to be.”

“Cruelty is NEVER necessary.” Munkustrap dared to say as he took another gulp of water.

Macavity simply laughed again in that same condescending way, as if Munkustrap were an ignorant kitten in need of education. "You're a fool to think so. The world isn't rainbows and roses, it's vicious and deadly. We do what we must to take what we need and survive. Even if it means destroying those you compete against."

Such sad logic. It pained Munkustrap to see how far his brother had fallen, how much he must have suffered alone in the streets to believe such a thing so strongly. "We don't have to destroy each other. It doesn't have to be like that."

"But we do, and it is. It's just the way the world works. Survival of the fittest. Only the strongest get to live to see another day. It's why you and I have lived and thrived for so long."

Munkustrap narrowed his eyes, his tail thrashing. "I am nothing like you."

"Aren't you?" Macavity stared at him, a wide smile on his face. "You may think yourself squeaky clean, dear brother, but actions have consequences. Some consequences are just not immediately seen. Everything you take, whether for yourself, or for your tribe, takes away from someone else. A mouse you hunted for a well fed kitten in your protected walls caused another one to starve in the gutter on the street. Whether you intended it or not, you destroyed your competition."

Munkustrap was quiet at that, his tail going still. Mind games, that's all this was, mental manipulation. He couldn't let Macavity worm his way into his head. He mustn't doubt himself. "...Is that why you tried to kill me those months ago? You're competing against me?"

"...No." The honest sincerity in his voice actually shocked Munkustrap. "No, I was angry, and you were simply the target of my anger. You know how I get when things don't go my way."

"Unfortunately." Growing up, he and Tugger were often on the receiving end of Macavity's wrath when he didn't get what he wanted. Munkustrap remembered those days vividly. He was hardly surprised that the only reason he tried to kill him was obsessive anger.

"You brought it on yourself in the first place. You chose to defy me, to take away my prizes, so you chose the consequences. You can hardly blame me for punishing you for your willful disobedience."

"I'm not one of your subordinates that you can command." Munkustrap took another sip of water, daring to be bold with his words. "I'm your brother."

"My YOUNGER brother." Macavity snarled, squeezing the cup in his paw so tight his claws extended. "And you would do well to remember the position you are in."

Too bold. Clearly he had reached the limit of how far he could push his defiance, so Munkustrap reeled it back in. "I do. I simply thought it had...meant something."

Macavity eyed him, his claws retracting. "Hm… perhaps it did, once upon a time." He relaxed, and Munkustrap silently released the tension he held as the situation calmed once again.

This was a game, a twisted one, but a game nonetheless. Macavity was a cat that straddled the very edge of madness and intelligence. He thought himself so superior to everyone around him that anything that called it into question could set him off into violence. Munkustrap had to be very careful in what words he chose, and how far he dared to push. One wrong word and Macavity's paws could be back on his throat, and he might not let go again. "Can it not mean something again?"

Macavity glanced at him, clearly pondering the question. "I might have once said no. But…" He turned back towards Munkustrap, his eyes thoughtful. "I do wonder if it's possible now."

Something about the way Macavity was looking at him, the way he said those words, brought an icy chill down Munkustrap's spine. They held a sinister promise behind them. What was he scheming?

With Macavity turned away Munkustrap took the chance of lifting his eyes, drifting them over the form of his brother. How terrible a state he was in...his fur so thin and dull, in desperate need of grooming, Munkustrap even suspected it was falling out in some places. He was covered in scars, criss crossing in multiple places over his body, and on his shoulder the skin was sunken in, from where it had been torn away. That one he recognized. "Did Tugger do that..?"

Macavity went still, his paw reaching up to touch at his shoulder. "He did, protecting you." He snorted, his eyes thoughtful as his claw tips picked at the scar. 

"He looked so ferocious, drenched in my blood." He laughed softly. "If I hadn't been so angry I would have almost been proud of him. Perhaps when this is all said and done, I'll go to him next. It'll be far simpler with him than with you."

Munkustrap bristled at that. Just what did he mean by those words? He swallowed down his fear with the last of the water, "Why am I here, Macavity? You could have easily finished the job and killed me when you ambushed us. So why bring me down here?"

"You think so little of me, dear brother. Well, to answer your question, all of my attempts on your life, my many creative ways to break you, you survived them all. You still persist, despite my best efforts. I've come to have deep respect for you, to see such…potential in you."

Macavity turned to fully face him, a dark glint in his eyes that made Munkustrap shrink back, "You're strong, influential, and you've developed such a devoted following of cats that would jump into the Thames if you commanded them to. Haven't you ever wondered what great things you could do if you were free of the shackles our father placed on you? How powerful you could become if you just let yourself be free?"

Munkustrap didn't like where this was going. He could feel Macavity's eyes digging under his skin, and he kept his own turned away. "If you're asking me what I think you're asking me, the answer is and will always be...never. I will NEVER allow you any hold over me."

That grin had returned, one that made Munkustrap's unease turn into anxiety. "Of course you wouldn't. Not without considerable...persuasion."

He got in close again, "Words can only take one so far, and torture…it just isn't nearly as effective at inspiring devotion. So… I've come up with something else."

Something was settling in Munkustrap's chest, something cold, as Macavity continued to speak. "You see, I have this new product I'm developing. I've been working on perfecting it for weeks, and I've become quite proud of it. I simply needed someone to test it on. And what better subject will I ever have again than you, dear brother."

Munkustrap remained silent, the empty cup of water slipping from his paw and clattering to the ground. Macavity chuckled, that same condescending laugh. "Oh, come now, I wouldn't be so callous as to slip something into your food or drink. That's beneath me. No, you'll be fully aware of it. It's much more satisfying that way."

Macavity picked up the dropped cup and stood again, looking decidedly pleased with himself. A wicked grin settled on his face. "I will have my subordinates bring you a meal. In the meantime, get some rest. You'll need it for what's to come. Sweet dreams, my dear little brother."

Macavity turned and strode away, leaving Munkustrap alone in the dark tunnel once again. He had started trembling, his paw coming to rest over his muzzle as his mind and heart raced with anxiety.

The situation suddenly turned infinitely more complicated.


	4. Into The Lioness' Den

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((This story contains content that may be disturbing to sensitive readers. Discretion is advised.))
> 
> In which Tugger returns to a world he left behind a very long time ago in search of information.
> 
> Don't be afraid to leave comments or criticisms on what I could do better!

In a thousand years, Tugger did not think he would ever be back here again.

He remembered these scents, the salty mist that hung in the air, the cold wind that constantly blew in over the ocean, and the heavy stink of fish, fresh and rotting mingling together. All scents from his youth, from darker times.

Tugger sat huddled on a low stone wall, sticking his nose down into his mane as a harsh wind gusted past him, Mistoffelees shivering hard with the cold by his side. 

Tugger put an arm around him and pulled him close against his fluffy fur to warm him. "You didn't have to come with me. I could have handled this on my own."

Mistoffelees wrinkled his nose at him, "And I told you I'd help you see this through to the end, so that's what I'm going to do." But the smaller cat still pressed in close, burying himself into his fur. His thin coat was no match for the harsh ocean wind. "So, is this the place?"

"Yep…this is it."

The Ivory Lantern. It was a shoddy, run down human pub right on the edge of the docks, the dark wood of its walls worn smooth and its stained glass windows cloudy from the salty air. The pub itself looked very commonplace and unimportant, until one got in close.

Around the back of the pub, hidden by high fencing by the broken basement door, a congregation of many cats of all different shapes, colors, and sizes were chatting, laughing, and waiting to be let in. A rather intimidating looking Queen with scars over her face was inspecting each cat with a single critical eye before waving them in a few at a time.

The Ivory Lantern was a human pub to be sure, during the day at least, but when the sun set and the moon came out the basement turned into the cats of London's most popular milk and nip bar.

There were milks and creams from every corner of the earth to sample for whatever suit your fancy, taken from the merchant ships that came in to dock, and various strains of catnip and silver vine for the more adventurous types to smoke or smell. But this place wasn't just known for its exotic milks and nips. If one was savvy enough, they would know that the Lantern was also the biggest hotspot of criminal activity in all of England. There were no thugs, smugglers, or thieves that had not passed through the Lantern at least one time in their careers.

The fact that the two tiger twins had pointed them here in their search for Munkustrap, of all places, was worrying. But of course it already confirmed Tugger's suspicions of what might have happened to his brother.

Tugger had frequented the Lantern in his younger days, searching for any sign of his eldest brother after he had been banished from the tribe. The cat who ran the place was a foreigner from across the pond, an American Curl Queen by the name of Browrey. It was she that pointed him in the right direction, until Macavity had made it very clear that he wouldn't tolerate his secrets being told to just anyone, which led to Tugger being essentially banned from the bar.

It had been a very long time since they had seen each other, and Tugger highly doubted that she would remember him, but what choice did he have? Every moment they wasted chasing their tails was another moment Munkustrap remained missing.

“Just a warning, Sparkles. This place can be pretty rough. If you want to wait out here, I understand.”

“And let you go in there alone?” Mistoffelees pulled away and jumped down from the stone wall, his teeth chattering at the cold wind as he started to walk toward the pub. “Not on your life!”

Tugger blinked at him, letting out a soft laugh as he jumped down and jogged after him. They both approached the pub and headed around the back, through the small crowd of cats. Tugger kept Mistoffelees close to his side as they slowly pushed their way to the front and approached the rugged tortoiseshell Queen that stood vigil outside the door, her one brown eye glaring at them. She had thick scars on her face, leading from her right eyelid down across her throat. Her voice had a harsh rasp to it as she spoke. “It ain't your turn yet. Back of the line.”

Tugger squared his shoulders, holding his mate tight against his side. “We have business with the lady of the house.”

She blinked her single eye, looking him up and down, glancing to her side as a few cats stumbled out from the door, hanging on each other and laughing in drunken merriment. Mistoffelees stepped in close to Tugger as they passed by, his ears pinning back as the Queen's eye settled on him next. “You seem kind of scrawny to have business with the lady.”

“Well that’s for the lady to decide, isn’t it?” Tugger pushed his mate partially behind him, a protective paw coiling around his shoulder.

“Now, are you going to let us in or not?” Tugger dropped his tone, trying to be a bit more forceful.

She was silent for a moment longer, letting out a soft sigh and waving them in, Tugger and Mistoffelees ducking through the door to the protesting cries of the other cats waiting their turns.

Inside was much warmer, the air hazy with dim light and nip smoke, a few white paper lanterns hanging from the ceiling were slightly swaying from the breeze coming in from the open door. There were so many cats crowded inside, sitting around low wooden stools or crates serving as tables, surrounded by pillows of silk and satin. 

Some of the cats were laughing loud, tossing back cups of sweet milk and telling jokes, others were gathered around a record player, singing along to the jazzy songs that played in loud slurred voices. In the very back corners there was a vast sea of pillows, cats draped over them and either smoking rolled papers of nip, or simply rubbing it against their noses, others chewing on sticks of silver vine. The other corner held a few crate tables surrounded by cats bent over hands of cards, fish scales used in place of chips. 

Tugger held Mistoffelees close as he led him further into the bar, the young magician squeaking as a drunk, haggard looking stray Tom grabbed at his tail. “Hey cutie pie! Why don’t you come over here and hang out with a real cat!”

Another Tom draped his arm over the first, leaning on him and laughing. “Lay off! He has company! Oh, nice looking company! Now pay attention to me!”

Both Toms laughed and turned back to each other and their drinks, Mistoffelees huffing and pressing closer against Tugger. Everyone around them had bedraggled, tough appearances, so very different to the crisp markings of Mistoffelees' black and white coat. The elegant looking Tux was very much out of place in such a rough establishment.

“Told you, you could have waited outside.” Tugger led him over to the closest empty table, sinking down onto the pillows with him.

“I s-said I wouldn’t leave you alone! I don’t p-plan on starting now!” He scrunched up in his seat, his ears low as he squirmed self-consciously.

Tugger was snickering, leaning forward to give him a smouldering stare. “Well no wonder everyone is eyeballing you. You actually look rather ravishing in this light, if I do say so myself.”

Mistoffelees sputtered at him and ducked his head as his face burned. “We’re here to do a job, aren’t we? Will you stop being a flirt for one minute?”

“Stop being a flirt, darling? Some cats may find such a task impossible.”

Tugger’s ears perked up, and Mistoffelees’ eyes went wide as a Queen slowly strode up to them with swaying hips, a tray of milk glasses balanced on her paw. “Welcome to the Ivory Lantern, sweet kitten. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in here before.” Her eyes settled on Tugger, her tongue slowly sliding over her lips. "Well, now...Look at who breezed through the door like he owns the place. It's been quite a long time, Rum Tum Tugger.”

“Browrey, you remember me.” He leaned back, fluffing up his mane and cocking his hip in his seat. “It's been far too long, my dear. Your eyes are just as gorgeous as I remember them to be, emeralds sparkling brighter than that exquisite crystal collar around your throat.”

Mistoffelees’ fur was bristling as he watched the two, his bobbed tail starting to twitch. Browrey had long cream and honey colored fur, a long fluffy tail slowly swishing back and forth, and ears that curled backward in a soft arch. Her eyes were colored a deep peridot, and they were solely locked on Tugger. Mistoffelees had never seen a cat quite like her before. “Such a flatterer, my sweet Tom. What brings you back here after all this time? Hmm… You’ve grown even finer since I last saw you…” She licked her lips again as she sat the milk tray down on the table.

Mistoffelees was glaring daggers at Tugger, his tail thrashing now, “Yeah, Tugs. What DOES bring you back here?”

Tugger just laughed, ignoring the snipe from his mate. “Business I’m afraid, my dear. A sad state of affairs, how I wish it weren’t...”

She tutted at him, “Oh… How droll.” Her knee came up, settling between Tugger’s thighs as she leaned in close, their noses inches from each other. “So busy, even back then. Can’t it not ever be a…” Her tongue darted out to lick the very tip of his nose. “...pleasurable, visit?”

Mistoffelees paws slammed down on the table, standing up from his seat, his coat brightening with tiny, flickering stars. “Ahem..!”

Browrey turned her eyes back to him, Tugger at least having the decency to look sheepish. “Aw, sweet kitten, are you feeling a bit left out? You are an ADORABLE thing, aren’t you?”

She slipped away from Tugger and crawled around the table to come up behind Mistoffelees, who was now leaning away with wide eyes. “Excuse me..!?”

“Oh, Browrey, how rude of me, I haven’t even introduced you yet. This is the Magical Mr. Mistoffelees. The original conjuring cat, and my beautiful mate.”

“Your mate!” Browrey just about squealed in delight as she sat down behind a now heavily blushing Mistoffelees, “I didn’t think you would be one to settle down, sweet Tom. But with how exquisite this little thing is, I can see why. Look at this fine coat.”

Mistoffelees bristled as her paws settled on top of his head. “Excuse me, I’m sitting right-OH!”

Electricity traveled up his fur and sparked off his whiskers, and he sank down in his seat, his eyes half closing as her paws slowly massaged his ears. “And those SPARKS! Little love, you truly are a magical cat, aren’t you?”

Mistoffelees was melting under the ministrations to his ears, a low purr erupting from his throat as his coat glittered brightly. “Yes, ma’am…”

“Hm...We’re attracting an audience, little love.” She whispered to him, Tugger’s eyes slowly moving to the nip pit in the back corner, several pairs of eyes turning to stare at the three cats. “I think we should retire to somewhere more private, don’t you?”

“Sounds wonderful, my dear.” Both cats stood, Tugger moving around to scoop up his smaller mate to follow Browrey to the back of the bar. A rather burly, intimidating looking black and brown Tom cat stood behind the counter, watching them with steely grey eyes.

Browrey gestured to the crowd. “Take care of them, sweetie.” He nodded to her and turned his attention to cleaning glasses as Browrey disappeared through a door behind an ornate paper screen, Tugger and Mistoffelees following her.

She brought them back into a side room, the walls stacked with glass bottles of milk and cream, labelled with different countries and sources. As soon as they were alone, the door closed and the sounds of the bar muffled, she darted towards Tugger and started smacking him upside the head and shoulders with her paw over and over again, like an angry mother scolding her kitten. “What the hell is wrong with you, you fucking idiot!?”

“OW! What the hell, Browrey!?”

Okay, perhaps not like a mother…

“I told you to stay the fuck away from here, you imbecile! You know what happened the last time you showed your face here!? Your fucking brother nearly got my damned bar shut down!”

“It’s not my fault my brother is a psychopath!”

“You come from the same litter, so what does that make you!?”

Mistoffelees blinked slowly, staring as his mate and this Queen brawled amongst the glass milk bottles and crates. Though he had to admit, it was terribly rather one sided with Tugger running in circles and this smaller, sweet looking Queen chasing after him with a swatting paw. “You need to fucking leave! Before someone recognizes you! I’m NOT losing my bar because you can’t keep the fuck away!”

“Browrey, I swear I’m here on business! I really am!” He held his paws up in a placating fashion as he pressed his back up against a crate. “I just need information, I promise! And then we’ll leave!”

“And what makes you think I’m going to give you shit!?”

“We’re looking for Macavity!” Mistoffelees shouted at her.

Browrey froze just before she could smack Tugger again, her eyes turning to the small tux, who gulped as she glared at him. "You're looking for WHAT? Are you insane!?"

“Please, we need your help. He took someone close to us, Tugger’s other brother. The Jellicle Guardian.”

Browrey’s eyes narrowed, her tail started to thrash. “...Munkustrap?”

Mistoffelees tilted his head questioningly. “You know him?”

Browrey stood up straight, backing away from Tugger as she crossed her arms, him climbing off the crate he had scrambled up on to get away. “I do…But who doesn’t know his name by now? He’s been nosing around the alleyways and pubs for months, shaking down my patrons and for what? A fool’s errand.”

“Please.” Mistoffelees came forward, putting himself between Tugger and Browrey, his ears pinning back. “He’s been missing for days now. We’re desperate. Is there any help you can give us? Anything at all?”

Browrey stared at the two before her, her curled ears twitching as she let out a heavy sigh, running her paw down her face. “Sit down, both of you. I might not have much on the Mystery Cat, but I think I do have some information that can help you.”


	5. Lost In The Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((This story contains content that may be disturbing to sensitive readers. Discretion is advised.))
> 
> In which Macavity does something unspeakable to Munkustrap, and sets off a chain of events that may change him forever.
> 
> Comments and criticisms are always welcome.

They had come back for him while he was asleep, giving Munkustrap no time to react. Two cats had silently grabbed him under his arms, startling him awake, and hauled him up to his feet. Though in his weakened state, and how much pain he was in, the two cats had to half carry, half drag him out of his corner.

The two took him through a few tunnels, each and every one looking nearly identical, the only sources of light from dull, flickering bulbs in the ceiling and walls. Nothing identifiable to help him find his way out. Regardless, he didn’t fight, with the hobble straps still on him he wouldn’t have been able to run anyway.

He was brought into an open area surrounded by new, unfitted piping stacked against the walls, left over from human construction. Several entrances branched out from the area into different tunnels, a channel by the walkway they headed down flowed with foul smelling water. The two cats led Munkustrap to a vertical pipe, shoving him back down onto his knees, drawing a sharp cry from him as pain shot up his thigh from the impact. His paws were wrenched behind his back and a strong chain was coiled around them. Only when he was secured to the pipe were his hobble straps removed, allowing him more free use of his legs, and the cats moved away.

“Ah, gentlemen, I told you to be kind. My brother isn’t what he used to be anymore.” Munkustrap let out a vicious growl at the snipe, until Macavity's foot came down on his leg, slowly applying pressure for daring to make such a noise. Munkustrap sucked in a sharp breath, gritting his fangs as fire seared up his hip and spine. When the pressure released he nearly doubled over, letting out a soft groan.

“Does it pain you still?” Macavity asked in a mocking tone, stepping around him and spinning a glass vial in his paw. “Your leg.”

Munkustrap breathed through the pain, his eyes narrowed as he followed Macavity’s path, not remarking on the clear condescension. “Occasionally…”

“Well perhaps this product will be of help to you then.” He presented the small vial, a fair amount of green powder inside. “Consider it a beneficial side effect. So, my dear brother, are you ready to be persuaded?”

Munkustrap’s ears went down, his eyes narrowing. “Because you couldn’t convince me otherwise, could you? Without using that.”

Macavity had gone quiet, his claws curling around the vial, and Munkustrap realized too late he pushed it too far. Macavity approached and crouched down in front of him, the Guardian leaning back and quickly darting his eyes away. 

Macavity tilted his head as his own eyes narrowed to slits, the yellow of his irises brightening with a sickly glow. “Such defiance from you, Guardian of the Jellicles, and yet you still can’t bring yourself to meet my eyes. Are you afraid of what I'll find?”

“I’m not a fool-” His sentence cut off with a grunt as Macavity grabbed him by the jaw, forcibly turning his face back toward him.

“Aren’t you? Look where you are now, in my hand, bound on your knees before me. And you’re not the fool?”

Munkustrap tried to keep his eyes away, but as sharp claws dug into his flesh all it took was a single flinch to lock their eyes together, his body paralyzed as Macavity caught him in his gaze.

Munkustrap could feel Macavity's mind brush against his own. Not quite hypnotic, but a slimy presence over his thoughts, like a slug oozing across wet leaves. He fought, tried to close off his mind, but Macavity easily slithered and wormed his way through, laying Munkustrap's innermost secrets bare before him. It felt like needles were being forced behind his eyes and sucking out his thoughts, one by one. Painful, violating...

“You still think of him.” Macavity let out a harsh laugh as he let him go, breaking their contact as he stood. Munkustrap slumped forward as his mind was released, shaking his head with a painful growl.

“Well, then…If you’re so worried about him, dear brother, I’ll send someone to retrieve him. He should still be where we left him, if a human hasn’t put him in the trash yet.”

Munkustrap bristled, lifting his head and baring his fangs at him. “You lie…”

“Do I? You’ll never truly know, will you? Reality around you is about to shatter.”

One of the cats that had brought him had returned, a leather cat muzzle in his paw, closed off at the end. Munkustrap hissed sharply at him as he approached, another coming around his side to grab him by the ears, forcing his head to tilt backwards. He lunged forward, managing to bite one of the cats on the paw, earning himself a yowl and a mouth full of blood, but another had come, and another. All four cats restrained the thrashing, hissing Guardian, holding his head still as they slipped the muzzle over his face, buckling it into place and rendering him blind, his teeth useless.

They let him go and stepped away, leaving Munkustrap to tremble in the dark void, his paws grasping at the chains binding them behind him as he pressed himself back against the pipe. 

He flinched back as he felt a presence brush up against him, Macavity whispering into his ear. “Your senses, your thoughts, they will all betray you. You won't trust your eyes, your nose, or your ears. So, what will you trust? Who will you trust?"

Macavity grabbed the muzzle by one of the straps, jerking Munkustrap forward until his paws were stretched out behind him, his shoulders aching with the strain. “I'm going to break you apart Munkustrap, piece by little piece, until there is nothing left of you to resist. And then? I will remake you as I see fit. You may despise me now, my dear little brother, but eventually you will come to crave my presence, for it will be the only constant truth you can rely upon.”

There were very few times Munkustrap could say he had ever been truly afraid. Taking his place as the Guardian for the very first time, when he got on his knees before Demeter to finally profess his love for her, when he felt himself about to die under the tires of that car…

But nothing…nothing compared to the terror he felt right at that moment, in Macavity's paw, with the threat of consciously losing himself hanging over him.

A little light was let into the muzzle as Macavity peeled back a flap, and he flinched hard when he heard a cork pop as the vial was opened. “Mac… Please…”

A last resort, a final desperate plea. He was met with silence, the grip on the muzzle tightening. “Mac… Brother, please don’t do this. You don’t have to do this… Please…”

Munkustrap’s heart was racing as the moment dragged on, hoping against hope that he heard him, that he could somehow reach the cat that used to be his brother. For a brief moment, with how Macavity hesitated, he had thought it worked, until the muzzle was wrenched, jerking Munkustrap’s head to the side and drawing a sharp cry from him. “You demean yourself, Munkustrap. Begging is unbecoming of you.”

The bottle was tipped, and the powder poured into the muzzle, coating his whiskers and face as the flap was closed. The moment Munkustrap took in a breath, he thought he had snorted acid up his nose. It burned, it stunk, and it made him cough hard as it flowed over his soft palate, his head dropping low and shaking as soon as he was released. He writhed and twisted, but nothing he did, no position he took, got him away from that burning scent. He felt like he was choking, he couldn't take a deep enough breath through his coughing fit.

“I know it burns.” Macavity sat back, smirking as he watched Munkustrap thrash about in his chains, “But it will pass in time. Just relax and breathe it in.”

Indeed, it didn’t take very long, a few minutes at most. Even if the stink of sulfur was still strong, the burn was starting to fade away, replaced with only a heavy warmth in Munkustrap’s head. He was starting to feel dizzy and slightly nauseated, his thrashing calming to a squirm. His body was close to follow the warmth, his muscles relaxing, like they were melting into hot liquid, his rapid heart slowing and thumping loudly in his ears.

“The first symptoms are always the sweetest, aren’t they?” He heard Macavity speaking, but he sounded so far away, “A gentle heat from your head flowing out through your body, like sinking down into a warm bath. It must feel lovely for your sore leg, doesn’t it?”

His leg… When had his pain gone away? He hadn’t even noticed, but indeed all his pain had faded. Munkustrap rested his head back on the pipe he was bound to, breathing deeper now, more even, letting the pulsing warmth wash over him. It was...comforting. His anxiety, his terror, fading as his pain did. “That’s it, take it in… relax and breathe. It's not so terrible, is it?”

Munkustrap felt so dizzy, so heavy, lost in his own heartbeat, in the rhythm of his breath. It was all he could focus on in the dark. Time lost its meaning, hours could have passed, days even, and he wouldn't have noticed. In the dark, in the warmth, it didn’t really matter. Or did he just not care? It was difficult to tell the difference.

He lightly lifted his head when he heard pawsteps near him, his body half slumped over, unable to keep himself upright. Had he fallen asleep? He didn’t know. Everything felt so…distorted. “Ah, you found him.”

Found him..?

He flinched when he heard a loud thump in front of him, and his breathing had picked up again. No, no they couldn’t have. It was a lie, it had to be a lie.

“Munkustrap. Focus now.” He flinched back, feeling a paw sliding over his ears and head. The Guardian twitched at the touch, letting out a soft, terrified mewl as he felt the straps on his muzzle being undone. Please, let it be a lie… Please.

The muzzle was pulled away, and he shut his eyes, holding them tightly closed. He let out a choked cough as he gulped in desperate breaths of the cleaner air, strings of drool hanging from his fangs, his face flushed with heat. "Open your eyes, Munkustrap."

No…he couldn't. He COULDN'T. Munkustrap kept his eyes closed as tight as he could, his head hanging low. He felt Macavity take hold of his chin and lift it up, gently brushing excess powder away from his nose and mouth. "Come now, dear brother, you wanted to know, didn’t you? Open your eyes for me, I have a gift for you."

His ears twitched, something felt… off. He heard something, like a quiet cacophony of whispering voices, all of them speaking over each other, all of them speaking the same words.

_**Open your eyes.** _

Munkustrap was trying so very hard to resist, but it was like a siren's call. He felt compelled, he couldn't fight it. As hard as he tried to stop himself his eyes fluttered, and they opened.

His blurry vision cleared, eyes adjusting to the light again. Everything seemed so much brighter, colors oversaturated and vivid. He looked forward, but it wasn't Macavity that was before him anymore. He felt his body going stiff, despite the warmth he felt, his dilated eyes widening as his breath caught in his throat.

Slumped on the ground at his feet laid a heap of bloody white and black fur. A single milky eye stared at him from a still, agonized face, throat split wide open and seeping congealed blood.

Alonzo...

Munkustrap let out a horrified shout at the sight, scrambling backwards as far as he could away from the mangled body. He tore his gaze away and curled up against the pipe as he cried out a long, mournful wail. Macavity had gotten in close beside him, grabbing him and forcing his head back to stare at the body of his second in command, his friend. “Look what you caused…”

Munkustrap stared with wide, tear filled eyes, unable to speak, to conjure up any rational thought. “He told you something was wrong, didn’t he?” Macavity whispered to him, his venom-yellow eyes glinting in the dark. “He warned you, and you ignored him, you dragged him with you and look what happened. I had to kill him because of you."

Munkustrap let out a soft, mournful cry, his head lowering, he couldn’t look anymore.

He was sorry, Alonzo, he was so sorry…

He was dead, his friend was dead…

Dead…

...No…

...Killed… 

...He was killed…

...Murdered…

...He MURDERED him…

Something went taut in his mind, the string holding together his thoughts, his desires, his morals stretching to it's limit...and it broke.

_**Kill him.** _

The warmth in his chest and head suddenly turned into red hot vicious rage. The whispers in his mind rose to a fever pitch, all shrieking the same words.

_**KILL HIM!** _

His eyes turned to Macavity, his fangs bared, a primal snarl bubbling up from his throat. Macavity barely had time to move away, for a split second later Munkustrap lunged at him like a wild animal, the chains pulling tight behind him as he reached the limit of their length. Spittle flew from his mouth as he roared and snarled and hissed at him, the gathered cats darting forward to restrain him before he hurt himself or their leader.

This…this was an interesting development. Macavity smirked, eyes thoughtful as he watched his subordinates wrestle Munkustrap back against the pipe, putting a metal rod behind his fangs to keep him from biting. The Guardian’s eyes were crazed as he stared at Macavity, his own glinting as he narrowed them to recapture Munkustrap in his gaze.

But behind the Guardian’s rage there was no thought, nothing rational at least. His mind was pinpointed to a singular instinctual focus. Kill.

A slow grin spread over Macavity's face. So…this was Munkustrap stripped down to his baser instincts, Munkustrap in his purest form. A wild, savage, laser focused predator. This he had not been expecting from the calm, kind, caring Jellicle Guardian. "You hold a monster inside of you." He whispered with glee, "You simply needed help to release it."

He stood there, watching as Munkustrap eventually relaxed, his rage and energy spent, his eyes closing as he succumbed back into the warmth and calm of the drug once again with a soft moan. "Keep him gagged, we don't want any accidents. And keep him dosed in small amounts. I have some things I need to consider, for his future. This little experiment just became much more interesting."

With his orders given and his subordinates going to work, he turned and walked away. As he passed the dead body he lifted his foot and shoved it into the water channel beside the pathway, the bag of straw disappearing down the tunnels in the current.


	6. To Catch A Smuggler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((This story contains content that may be disturbing to sensitive readers. Discretion is advised.))
> 
> In which we return to the Ivory Lantern, and learn some things about the past, and Browrey points our duo to a familiar smuggler that can help them find our missing Guardian.
> 
> Comments and criticisms are always welcome!

The night was slowly fading, the sun starting to rise over the sea. Everything was quieting in the Ivory Lantern as the bar closed up shop, the last of the patrons stumbling away in drunken joy and laughter, others to sleep off their nip high. The doors to the basement closed, and the two bouncer cats took to cleaning up after the long night of merriment. 

Still within the back room, Tugger stared down at the crystal glass of sweet cream that sat before him, his elbows propped up on the crate he sat at, eyes lost in thought. Beside him Mistoffelees sat with his own glass, his ears low. What they had learned from Browrey, it just served to confirm what they already thought to be true, but it still had been very hard to hear. Tugger knew Munkustrap had been running himself ragged searching for their eldest brother, he didn't realize just how obsessed he had become with finding him. 

For the past few months, Munkustrap had been prowling the alleyways, abandoned buildings, the marketplace, either with Alonzo or by himself, interrogating any cat, stray or not, that even so much as hinted that they had any connection with the Hidden Paw.

His questioning had eventually led him to the Lantern, and to Browrey, to the street cats there. But Munkustrap was hardly one to blend in, instantly being recognized as the Jellicle Guardian. As Macavity's crew constantly visited the milk bar, it wasn't long before the Mystery Cat himself learned that Munkustrap was personally looking for him, and so went looking for him in return.

“So Macavity does have him then?” Mistoffelees spoke quietly when Browrey finished, taking a tiny sip of his cream.

“From what I’ve gathered from a few of his minions that came through, yes.” Browrey sat down across from them, tipping back a shot of her own cream. "As I said, he didn't really blend in with the crowd, he was obviously looking for something, or someone. We spoke a few times. I do have to say he is very eloquent, and very polite. Really, how did a Tom like him end up from the same litter as you and the Mystery Cat?”

She poured herself another shot, Tugger not even commenting on the clear insult. He actually agreed with her. “Drunk Toms tend to think they’re hot stuff in here. They’re always bragging about some bullshit, and some don’t know how to keep their damned mouths shut. I turn a blind eye to many things coming through here, but if there’s one thing I don’t appreciate in my damn bar, it’s any mention of precious cargo.”

Tugger had gone stiff, grasping his glass tightly in his paw as he stared at it.

“Precious cargo?” Mistoffelees tilted his head, confused. “What’s the difference to regular cargo?”

“...Bodies.” Tugger spoke up, finally picking up his glass and taking a sip from it. “For the smugglers on the Thames, precious cargo is code for live bodies. Slaves, new workers, or test subjects, whatever the highest bidder wants them to be. Straps, you idiot...”

Mistoffelees turned to his mate when he spoke, ears pinning back. “Tugs, how do you know something like that?”

Tugger kept his eyes on his paws, unable to meet his mate’s gaze. “...Because I used to be involved in things like this, a very long time ago.”

A brief look of utter disbelief passed over his face, Mistoffelees reaching out to place a gentle paw on his arm. “Tugger...”

“It was before I met you, when I was a kit.” He tossed back the cream, suddenly feeling anxious, still cursing himself for not being able to lie to Mistoffelees. He settled in as Browrey refilled his glass, and he just started speaking.

Back when they were all kits, him, Munkustrap, and Macavity, they all were the best of friends, so close the three brothers could hardly be separated from each other. They fought together, protected each other, explored their world together, there was hardly anything they did that didn’t involve the three of them. It was everyone’s understanding that it would be Macavity that would take over one day for Old Deuteronomy as leader of the Jellicles, with Munkustrap being trained as the Guardian. As the third and the youngest of them all, Tugger didn’t mind not being considered for any lofty positions. The freedom suited him just fine.

But when their mother started to become disillusioned with her life as Old Deuteronomy’s mate, as a mother, things started to change. The domestic life didn’t suit a cat such as Grizabella, who longed for freedom, to see the world, to make a name for herself. One night she just...vanished. There were no goodbyes, no explanation, she just left without a word to anyone.

None took it as hard as Macavity. It had been right around that time he started showing signs of magical ability, and he deeply blamed himself, his new found strangeness, for her leaving, despite the reassurances of his brothers, and his father. Anger started coming more easily to Macavity, an inward self anger that soon turned outward. Anger that lashed out at everyone around him.

Both Munkustrap and Tugger had borne the brunt of his growing wrath, but Tugger never could bring himself to blame Macavity for what he did. He was hurt, he was angry, and with his budding magical abilities he was also scared. It was Munkustrap that had lost his patience. They argued every day, there wasn’t a time Tugger remembered after Grizabella had left that they weren’t fighting. But things had eventually gone too far.

Macavity was losing himself, to his anger, to his magic, and he had started a horrible fire in the Junkyard. A fire that took the life of the previous Guardian and her mate. Tugger thought it was an accident, that Macavity would never intentionally kill anyone, but his father, his brother, didn’t agree. Both Old Deuteronomy and Munkustrap had cast him out, banishing Macavity from the Jellicle Tribe.

It was then that Tugger started to drift away from his family. Resentful that they hadn’t even tried to help their brother, to actually listen to him. Tugger searched for him for a long time, scouring the streets for any sign that his brother was still alive, that he was okay. His search had brought him to the Ivory Lantern, to Browrey.

“Browrey had put me in touch with someone that was working with Macavity at the time, and from there I found him again. But he…he wasn’t the Macavity I remembered him to be, he...wasn’t my brother anymore.”

Browrey nodded, a sad look in her eyes. “He was building his empire around that time, and we all heard the rumors of his...unnatural abilities. Most were too damned scared to defy him, and he had developed a devoted following, but one built from fear and worship more than loyalty.”

Mistoffelees leaned on Tugger, his own eyes full of sorrow as he listened. “I learned then just how terrible he had become. He was still honing his magic, still testing it, but he...he was using live cats, Misto…”

“My bar is open as a go-between for products.” Browrey cut in. “Smugglers drop off whatever they bring in, set a price, and buyers will come in and pick it up. Macavity was one of them. He’s still my biggest supplier of nip and silver vine, but I also noticed he was bringing...other things through my bar.”

“...Precious cargo.” Mistoffelees lifted his paw to his Tugger’s shoulder as he nodded, sliding his claws over his mane to comfort him.

Browrey’s curled ears twitched, her eyes narrowing. “Exactly. Young or old, big or small, it didn’t matter who or what they were, so long as they were alive. As I said, it was the one thing I never tolerated.”

“Browrey told me what was going on, how Macavity was bringing in the cats. She knew at the time that I was close to him, that I knew what he was doing, what he planned to use them for, so I agreed to help her put a stop to it.”

“But as you can imagine, the Hidden Paw didn’t take too kindly to not getting his way.” Browrey sighed and sat back in her seat. “I managed to convince him that we had nothing to do with his shipments being lost, but I couldn’t risk him finding out that it was Tugger here that betrayed him.”

“And that’s why you told him never to come back…” Mistoffelees glanced between Browrey and Tugger. “To protect him.”

Browrey snorted, her tail twitching. “What can I say? The fucker grew on me.”

Tugger couldn’t help the grin that spread over his face. “Must be my beautiful face and my lovable personality.” Browrey reached over and gave him a smack upside the head, “OW! BROWREY!”

Mistoffelees giggled at them both. “You fight like an old mated couple.”

“You be quiet before I smack you too!” Browrey stood up, gathering up the glasses. “Let’s get back to the task at hand, shall we? Finding your brothers. I have a hunch I know who to point you to. He’s been hanging around here for the last few days, and I have a sneaking suspicion he was somehow involved.”

Tugger grinned as he stood, “I knew you wouldn’t let me down. I owe you a big one, my dear.”

“You can pay me back by never coming back here again. I have enough to deal with without worrying about whether or not you’re going to get yourself killed.”

“What makes you think that this cat is involved?” Mistoffelees piped up as he stood with Tugger.

Browrey let out a heavy sigh, “Because he’s drinking himself to death over it.”

She popped the glasses onto another crate and headed out into the empty bar, Tugger and Mistoffelees sharing a glance as they followed right behind her.

“Lady.” The tortoiseshell Queen was standing at the door, “He’s back again.”

“Perfect, just who I was looking for. Thank you, Kitten. When you finish cleaning up, I have a nip bowl with your name on it in the back, go enjoy yourself.” She strode out the basement door, brushing her tail over her arm as she passed, the Queen smirking as she went back to her work.

The outside was much warmer than it had been the previous evening, gulls calling over the sea as they were roused from their sleep with the sun, but there was someone that was still very much out cold. Sprawled out between some barrels by the door lay a tall, lean, brown tabby cat, hugging a milk bottle to his chest as he snored. 

“This, gentlemen, is the one I was talking about.” Browrey lifted her foot and shoved the tabby cat in the stomach. “Hey! Wake up, the bar’s closed!”

The tabby twitched and groaned, rolling over and hugging the bottle tighter. “Piss off… let me rot…”

Browrey bristled, her eyes narrowing as she reared her foot back and kicked him right in the rear end. “I said UP!”

He howled, leaping up and scrambling half up the barrel, his claws sticking into the worn wood. “What’s wrong with you, stupid Qu-Oh..! Uh… Heh… hello, Browrey…”

Tugger and Mistoffelees hung back as Browrey glared up at the taller tabby Tom, her paws crossed over her chest as he climbed down off the barrel. “Did I pass out again..? Sorry about that… I’ll… I’ll leave, if you want me to.”

“Actually my dear, there’s a few cats here that wish to speak to you. Something to do with Macavity?”

He bristled, almost instantly sobering up when she mentioned the Hidden Paw, his weasley orange eyes settling on Tugger and Mistoffelees. “Ah… I uh…”

“So…What’s your name?” Tugger finally stepped forward as Browrey moved to the side, leaving them to their talk. 

He gulped, staring up at Tugger with wide, fear filled eyes. “M-Minuet…”

“I hear you and Macavity are close, am I right, Minuet?”

Minuet backed up against the barrels, nearly tripping over the milk bottle he had been holding. “I… ah… Y-Yes..? I mean, I just run things for him personally. If this is about the latest shipment, I was going to go pick it up tonight, I swear! I’ll have it at the drop by tomorrow morning!”

“I don’t care what product you were running, or what shipments are late.” Tugger got in close, his words punctuated with a soft growl as Minuet pressed himself up against the barrel. “What I care about is where you were a few nights ago, and what happened to a certain couple of cats that just so happen to be friends of mine. I hear from Miss Browrey here that you were involved.”

Minuet’s ears pinned back against his head, realization dawning in his eyes. “You’re a Jellicle..? Oh…well… I…” He gulped, trembling as Tugger got up in his space. “Listen, I didn’t want to do it, but he gave me no choice! He would have killed me otherwise!” He blurted out, ducking underneath Tugger’s arm to make a break for it.

He didn’t get very far as Mistoffelees stepped in his way, his icy eyes glowing faintly as his coat shimmered with energy. “Going somewhere?”

Minuet squeaked, backing away and running right into Tugger, squeaking again as he spun around to face the large Maine Coon. “Do what, Minuet? You better think long and hard about what happened that night, because I’ll know if you lie to me.”

“He just told me that someone was coming after him! I didn’t know who it was at first until we met! I didn’t expect it to be the Everlasting forsaken Jellicle GUARDIAN! But what could I do!? I had no choice! I was just doing what I was told! I didn’t know he was going to…to take him..! That he was going to leave the other one to die! I couldn't just leave him there!"

“...It was you.” Tugger’s voice dropped low, a quiet snarl bubbling up from his chest. “You were the one that brought Alonzo back to the yard… the one Straps was going to meet… weren’t you?”

Something dark passed over Tugger’s eyes, something that made Mistoffelees’ fur stand on end. “Tugger..?”

He slowly advanced on Minuet, the tabby Tom backing away from him, fear in his eyes. “Tugger? As in… As in the Rum Tum Tugger..? As in-”

“As in Macavity’s brother… The Guardian’s brother.” He hissed, and Minuet shrieked as Tugger pounced on him, his paws coiling around the smuggler’s throat.

“TUGGER!” Both Mistoffelees and Browrey jumped on him, grabbing at his paws as he pinned Minuet to the ground, the tabby Tom clawing at his arms. “Tugger let him go!”

“He almost got Alonzo killed! He could have gotten Straps killed!! Don’t you DARE tell me to let him go!!” Tugger snarled at his mate, at Browrey, as he dug his claws into Minuet’s neck, the smuggler’s eyes rolling back into his head.

“Tugger, we need him!” Mistoffelees clung to Tugger’s wrists, “I can’t track him if I don’t know where he was, we need him to take us there! Please, let him go!”

Damn it… damn it all, he was right. As much he wanted to enact some much deserved vengeance for Alonzo and Munkustrap they would never find his brother without the help of this cat. And Munkustrap was running out of time. Tugger eased his paws away from Minuet’s throat, the smuggler taking in deep gasping breaths and coughing them out. “Fine… You’ll take us to where Alonzo and Straps were ambushed, and then I’ll kill you, how’s that?”

“We’re not killing him, Tugs. Munk wouldn’t want that.” Mistoffelees eased Tugger back as Browrey took Minuet’s paw and helped him back to his feet.

“Oh thank you, you won’t regret this, I promise! I’m going to make this right-OW!” He was cut off as Browrey smacked him upside the head with her paw.

“Damn right you’re going to make this right. I hear you did anything else to these two you’ll never bring another leaf of nip through my bar again. You got that?”

Minuet rubbed his head where she struck him, nodding frantically. “Y-Yes, Miss Browrey. I’ll take care of this, I swear.”

“Good. Then lead the way.” Mistoffelees shoved Minuet ahead and followed after him.

Tugger had turned to follow, still bristling with anger, but stopped as Browrey put her paw on his elbow. “Hey, Tugger… Be careful, alright? I don’t want to hear that anything happened to you.”

Tugger stared at her for a moment, a small smile forming on his face as he relaxed. “This is me you’re talking about, my dear. I got it handled. And hey…thank you, for helping me again.”

“Like I said, you grew on me you little shit. Now get out of here, go find your brother, and don’t come back.”

He nodded, shooting her a confident smirk as he turned and ran off after Mistoffelees and Minuet. _Hold on, Straps. We’re coming, we’re almost there. Just hold on a little longer._


	7. Pathway To The Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((This story contains content that may be disturbing to sensitive readers. Discretion is advised.))
> 
> In which we come back to the place this first began in the search for our missing Guardian.
> 
> And in which we catch a glimpse of a mind slipping further and further away...
> 
> Comments and criticisms are always welcome!

As the sun reached midday the clouds had taken over again, shrouding the sky in a veil of grey. The autumn rain came down once more in heavy sheets, soaking anyone unfortunate enough to be caught in it in seconds. Why did it always have to rain during times like these? Especially when it was so cold? It was like the world itself was saddened at the current state of events, Mistoffelees mused as he and Tugger followed Minuet through the alleyways of factories and warehouses, deeper down into the docks.

It felt like they had been walking for hours, all of them soaked to the skin with cold rain, before the three of them came up to a junction, empty aside from a few scattered crates that lined the inside, a yellow bulb shining brightly above, and grass growing up through the cracks in the stone ground.

“Here…” Minuet gestured inside. “This…this is where I was asked to bring them, where we ambushed them.”

Tugger stepped toward the entrance of the junction, taking a whiff of the wet air, but the only thing he could smell was the damp, salt, and wood; nothing remotely cat. “You’re absolutely sure?”

Minuet nodded, rubbing his paws together anxiously, “Macavity and I walked in that way.” He pointed farther in. “And we turned the corner there.”

Mistoffelees was silent, watching the two as they inspected the area, ran their noses over everything for any hint of scent, something they could use to track Munkustrap. Though with the recent rains and the passing of time, he knew that any physical trail would be long gone by now.

But Tugger and Minuet, they couldn’t feel what Mistoffelees did, couldn’t sense what he did. There was a discord in the air, a shimmer between the strands that held reality together. Magic had touched here, dark magic.

Mistoffelees slowly stepped into the junction, leaving Tugger and Minuet behind. His feet slid over the stoney ground, the sparkle of his coat brightening as he approached the bend. He stared at the dead end for a moment, just...feeling. The discord was strongest right where he stood, the air before him like the taut, vibrating strings of a violin. Whatever had happened here, this very spot was the epicenter.

Everyone and everything had an aura around them, energy generated by a beating heart, or a thought, or even a voice. It always lingered behind when the entity that produced it moved on, like a photograph. If Munkustrap and Alonzo had been there, they too would have left something behind. Mistoffelees reached out his paw, gently placing it on the brick wall.

_**Together…** _

He jerked back immediately, as if the wall had shocked him, frowning as his eyes narrowed. It was a soft echo, but still strong, only days old. A word attached to an intense emotion, emotions that felt distinctly like Munkustrap. “They were definitely here.”

Tugger lifted his head, glancing over to his mate. “Misto?”

“I can feel it, Tugs.” He slid his paws over the wall, “They were all here. Alonzo, Munk, and Macavity.”

Tugger frowned, Minuet’s fur bristling as he took a step back. “You think you can track them?”

He nodded. “I...I think so. Step back, give me as much room as you can.”

Tugger grabbed Minuet by his elbow, pulling him back out of the junction as Mistoffelees moved to stand in the center, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. 

“What’s he doing?” Minuet glanced back at Tugger, a look of confusion in his eyes.

“Watch and be amazed.” Tugger simply smirked.

Mistoffelees closed his eyes, his leg sweeping back behind him and his back arching as he stretched his paws up toward the sky. His coat lit up in brilliant color, a prism of sparkling stars scattering about the black of his fur. Light appeared in his paws, a soft glow that slowly grew in brilliance above his head.

And then, he kicked off his foot from the ground, and he started to spin. Each rotation of his body caused the light to grow, to rise up higher and glow brighter and brighter, five spins, ten spins, and then he stopped on a dime, pushing the light out with his paws to spread throughout the junction. The lightbulb overhead burst, a shower of sparks raining down upon him. The raindrops themselves seemed to still, hanging like crystal pendulums in the air.

The junction was now alight with blue sparkle, Mistoffelees standing on the tips of his toes, paws spread out to his sides, his eyes glowing faintly.

“...Holy Cats.” Minuet stared awestruck at the little black cat, at the light that surrounded them.

Tugger crossed his paws over his chest. “Told you you’d be amazed.”

Mistoffelees turned toward a cluster of sparkling light, by the wall he had sensed the lingering word, “Here…” 

His paw reached out and the light shifted, splitting into two separate clusters and coiling around themselves in blue ribbons. “Alonzo and Munk were here, and they moved…this way.”

He slowly spun around, following after the ribbons of light as they moved. “They were attacked, I can feel pain… here.” He touched his paws to his own head, his ears.

Minuet nodded. “Yeah, t-that’s right. Macavity used some kind of bright light, something like a flashbang. The Guardian was blinded, but he shielded the other one, Alonzo.”

“Typical Straps, of course he would. Idiot…” Tugger growled softly as Mistoffelees continued to follow the path they took. 

“They came out here.” He came to the entrance of the junction. “Alonzo and Macavity here, Munk there. And here they’re separated, and Macavity...” He flinched hard, putting his paws around his torso with a gasp of pain.

“Sparkles?” Tugger stepped forward, put halted when Mistoffelees put a paw up. “I’m alright, it’s...it’s from Alonzo. Everlasting, he was in so much pain.”

Tugger’s narrowed eyes turned to Minuet, and the smuggler flinched back. “I didn't hurt him! But why do you think I took him back? I just… I couldn’t leave him like that. He was bleeding everywhere.”

“It was you that caused it in the first place!”

“Guys, please…” Mistoffelees had moved to the other side of the entrance, “Macavity left and went… over here, with Munk.” He pointed, away from the junction and toward distant piping, in the direction of the ocean. “That way.”

“Well then, I…I guess you won’t be needing me anymore, right?” Minuet took several steps back as the light started to die away, Mistoffelees’ glittering coat fading to plain black once again. “You found out where he is, so-” He yelped as Tugger grabbed at his scruff, the much larger cat glaring at him with narrowed eyes.

“I don’t think so.” He shoved Minuet forward. “You were the one that caused all this, you’re going to see it through to the end. And don't even think about running, you'll find I'm MUCH faster than you think I am. Now go."

Minuet whimpered, but he did as he was told, heading towards the pipes with Tugger and Mistoffelees right behind him.

***

As the rain continued to fall, it pooled in the gutters and flowed down into the sewers to be washed away to the ocean. Through the cracks in the mortar the rain water seeped down, gathering in heavy droplets on the ceiling and falling to the ground in slow, steady drips.

Beside his head, resting on the floor, the drops fell with gentle paps against the stone, their splatter leaving dewdrops on his ears and face. His eyes were closed to the world around him, not quite asleep, but barely aware.

Munkustrap had dove deep down into the heavy warmth, into the dark, it was the only safe place now in the hellish nightmare he found himself in. Every breath brought with it an overwhelming smell of stinking sulfur, it had come to the point where Munkustrap couldn't even remember what fresh air smelled like, what anything smelled like.

His head was a jumbled, foggy mess. He could barely string two thoughts together, could scarcely even discern what position he lay, where he was, what was around him…at the very least he knew he was alone.

There were very few times in the past several hours where he had been left alone, either someone from Macavity's crew standing vigil over him or the Hidden Paw himself whispering into his ear, and Munkustrap was deeply ashamed to admit he was wishing Macavity was actually there right at that moment. 

At least when he was speaking to him Munkustrap could focus on his words through the deep fog that shrouded his senses. Through the stink in his nose, the visions behind his eyes, and the whispers in his ears, Macavity was the one thing that remained consistent, his port in the storm that was his mind.

The one who brought him so much death and torture and sorrow, the one constant truth in a world where his senses betrayed him. How sickeningly right his brother had been that he would come to long for him, to seek comfort in him.

How many visions had he seen now? How many bodies flayed before him? Their blood flowing across the stones, their lifeless eyes staring at him, blaming him…

...But we're they real? Or were they just illusions?

How many more? He couldn't remember. But what did it matter if it were one of them or all of them? He didn't save them. He COULDN'T save them. Not even the warmth and dark could protect him from the anguish he felt, the guilt. They all relied on him, they depended on him to protect them, and he couldn’t even do that. How much longer until he was the only one remaining? Was he, in fact, the only one remaining? Was there anyone to even save? He didn’t know, and not knowing terrified him.

His eyes shut tighter and squeezed out a few tears, mixing with the dew drops. He wanted this nightmare to end. When would he wake up? Please let him wake up...

Something echoed through the chamber; paw steps, voices. Macavity had returned, but he wasn’t alone. "You are absolutely certain of what you saw?"

"Yeah, boss. I might have been high on nip, but there was no mistake. He was there, him and his little magic friend."

"But you didn't hear as to why he was there…"

"No, I… I didn't, but I have my suspicions. He went to the back with the lady, but you know how he is. He's a shameless flirt. He was probably-"

"A mated, shameless flirt." Macavity growled, "No… I know why he was there. This is good news, you've done well. I believe you deserve a reward."

"Really? Uh, of course I do! I knew as soon as I saw them I should come straight to you about it!"

"Yes, you did. I’m very grateful.”

Their voices cut through the dark, bringing with them some clarity in his muddled mind. Little magic friend…could it be? Was he speaking of who he thought he was? Munkustrap chanced opening his eyes, bringing himself out of the safe darkness.

Only for Demeter’s cold, rotting face to stare directly at him, inches away.

He screamed, shoving himself back against the pipe, his mournful cries echoing through the chamber. "What the hell was that?"

"Just my latest project. Come now, don't be afraid. You want your reward, don't you?" Macavity stepped into the chamber, smirking as he stopped by the pipe. Munkustrap curled up into a tighter ball as he cried. 

“Boss..? Is that…”

"You poor thing… I left you here for too long, didn’t I?” Macavity had crouched down beside him, “It’s alright, I’m right here.”

He put his paws on Munkustrap, the Guardian jerking with a harsh cry at the contact. "Calm yourself, dear brother. Come now, sit up. I brought someone to see you."

Macavity eased him back up to sit, placing a gentle paw on his head. “There, that's better… Let’s get that gag off, will that help?”

The Cat before them took a few steps back as Macavity continued to sweet talk Munkustrap, removing the metal bar he had behind his fangs. “That feels better doesn’t it? Look who came to visit.”

Munkustrap grit his fangs, swallowing as his gag was pulled from his mouth, his cloudy eyes turning to the one that had joined Macavity, and his eyes went huge. The cat before him was frozen, their gazes locked together, the Guardian feeling nothing but horror at what he saw. WHO he saw.

But it couldn't be. How was he here? How did he get here? And why was he...why was he with Macavity? No…no, this couldn’t be. He couldn’t be here, there was no way. This wasn't real, it had to be another illusion!

But...what if it wasn't? How could he tell the difference? 

He couldn’t look away, he couldn’t take his eyes off the smug smirk on his face, the cold swagger of his stance as they stared at each other. Macavity leaned over to him, whispering softly into his ear. “Do you see him?”

Munkustrap was breathing heavily, giving him the faintest of nods, “He killed her.”

Everything fell into silence…the only sound he could hear was his heart beating frantically in his ears. Then the whispers returned, slowly rising in his mind, growing louder and louder.

Munkustrap went from sobbing and horrified, to blank, unreadable, as the whispers turned into shouts.

_**He killed her.** _

His eyes slowly narrowed, his deep growl echoing through the chamber as he bared his fangs.

_**He KILLED her.** _

Munkustrap couldn’t see anymore, couldn't think anymore, his vision turned blinding white. “Boss? Boss, what are you doing? I thought I did good! I thought you were giving me a reward!”

Macavity laughed, dark and cruel. “But don’t you see? This is your reward! You’ve been a loyal servant to me, I think it’s time that I released you from my service. Thank you for your years of work, my friend, I won’t ever forget it.”

_**KILL HIM!** _

The Cat turned and ran as Munkustrap snarled viciously, the chains holding him to the pipe released by Macavity’s paw. He didn’t stop, he couldn’t stop. He leaped up and sprinted after the Cat, running him down like a wild animal after its prey. The Cat shrieked in terror, then pain, a loud gurgling noise bubbling up in his throat. Macavity stood, watching with a dark glint in his eyes, a wide grin spreading over his face as Munkustrap tore apart the illusion of their little brother.

Perfect…


	8. A Light At The End Of The Tunnel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((This story contains content that may be disturbing to sensitive readers. Discretion is advised.))
> 
> In which our intrepid trio descend into the dark to rescue our tortured Guardian.
> 
> Just when you think all is lost, hope remains...
> 
> Comments and criticisms are always welcome!

Tugger hissed and swiped at his ear with a paw as some heavy drops of stinking water fell on him, growling up at the ceiling as he trailed behind his mate. Leave it to Macavity to choose the darkest, creepiest, most disgusting places to hide in. The smell, the feel of it, it was like walking into a fish tank that hadn't been cleaned in years. Tugger himself was going to need a scalding hot bath after this was all said and done, he couldn't imagine how Munkustrap must have felt right at that moment, being stuck down here for days in this filth.

Tugger, Minuet, and Mistoffelees traversed through the dark, wet pipes of the sewers, Minuet reluctantly in the lead. Tugger was starting to get impatient, anxious, as they made their way through the twisting labyrinth of tunnels and passageways, following the water channel deeper and deeper inside. It felt like they were making no headway in their search.

"Do you even know where you're going?" Tugger growled harshly at Minuet as they turned down yet another random tunnel, hissing as he nearly slipped in a patch of slimy algae.

"I haven't been down here in nearly a week, cut me some slack will you? Everything looks the same!" Minuet snapped in return, his own temper starting to fray.

“MAYBE I’ll cut you some slack when we find my brother! MAYBE I just might forgive you if you help us get him out of here! Or MAYBE I’ll kill you! Who knows at this point!?”

“Tugs.” Mistoffelees stopped, grabbing his elbow as his ears started to swivel. “Do you hear that..?”

Tugger went silent, as did Minuet, his ears perking as he strained to listen. It was so faint, the echo so distant that it had to be far into the maze, but he did hear something. It sounded like faint cries, anguished cries. Tugger grit his fangs, his fur standing up as his eyes narrowed to slits. “That’s Straps… It has to be him.”

“It’s coming from down here.” Minuet said as he headed down another side tunnel, following the water channel again.

The crying, it just became louder and louder as they moved deeper into the sewers, and Tugger found himself becoming angrier and angrier. Never had he heard such sounds come from his brother before, not even when he was horribly injured. These cries, they sounded broken… 

What have you done to him, Macavity… Tugger swore that when he saw him, if Munkustrap had been hurt in any way, he would kill him.

After a few more minutes of walking the tunnel opened up into a vast chamber surrounded by stacked piping. A basin sat on a higher ledge, feeding the channel it’s putrid water from a cascade that flowed from an open spout. The whole space stank of excrement and rotting algae. The crying, it originated from here; it was so loud it was almost ringing in Tugger’s ears.

“Straps?” He called out into the chamber, his own voice echoing on the walls. The crying had calmed at the sound of his voice, not quite stopped, but not as desperate, as distraught.

“There…” Minuet pointed to a stacked pile of piping, water trickling out from inside one closed off by a metal grate. The cries were strongest there.

"Stay back, both of you." Mistoffelees hung back with Minuet, keeping watch as Tugger approached the grate covered pipe and knelt down, straining his eyes to see into the darkness within. Scrunched up near the back, curled up in a tight ball in the stagnant water, sat Munkustrap. He was disgustingly dirty, covered in crusty salt, scummy algae, and… blood. Tugger could smell it, Munkustrap wreaked of congealed blood, but he didn’t look injured in any obvious way.

Everlasting, what had happened to him? He called out to him again. “Straps?”

Munkustrap didn’t answer, but his crying had stopped, his body slowly turning to face Tugger. The light from the bulbs above reflected in his eyes, two disembodied pinpoints of green floating in the darkness. He looked so terrified...

“Hey… Hey, Straps. It's alright. It’s me, it’s Tugger.” He reached through the grate, holding his paw out to him. “Are you hurt? Can you come to me?”

Munkustrap didn’t speak, he just...stared at him, his breathing starting to quicken as he backed away, pressing further into the pipe with a whimpering cry. Tugger’s heart clenched in his chest, his ears pinning back. “Straps..? What’s wrong? It's okay. It's only me.”

“Now isn’t this delightful? The entire family, back together again!”

Tugger jumped up, hissing sharply as he backed away from the pipe. Macavity stood above them, leaning on the railing that separated the water basin from the ledge, his tail lazily swaying back and forth. “So rude, Tugger. No hello? Wonderful to see you, big brother? Of course not. Me, however… Since our last meeting I’ve been aching to see you again.”

He claws slid over the sunken scar on his shoulder, and Tugger snarled at him as he took a few more steps back. Mistoffelees' coat started sparking with electricity as Macavity's eyes turned to him. “And look who else has come to visit, your little conjuring mate. Oh…" Macavity tutted softly. "And Minuet.”

The smuggler looked absolutely terrified, shrinking down as he backed away from the group, “I…Boss… I was just… I didn’t…”

Macavity simply tilted his head as his eyes narrowed and started to glow. “I’m severely disappointed in you, Minuet. I thought we had an accord. You know the consequences for betraying me."

Mistoffelees moved in front of Minuet, baring his fangs and hunching down protectively. Macavity laughed at him. "You would defend him? After what he's done?"

"You've committed far worse crimes!"

Tugger unsheathed his claws, his fur standing on end. "What have you done to Straps!?"

Macavity’s eyes turned back to Tugger, propping his elbow up on the railing as he rested his chin in his paw. “Quite a few things, little brother. The brain is surprisingly malleable when under the right conditions, don't you think?" He snickered, "Influence an illusion or two, give a gentle nudge in the right direction, and his mind crumbled under my paw." A crazed smile spread over his face. “Who ever would have guessed, Tugger, what glorious secrets Munkustrap was hiding behind his carefully worn mask of restraint."

Tugger narrowed his eyes, his fur bristling as he looked back toward the pipe, to Munkustrap cowering inside. "What are you talking about?"

"You didn't know? And you've been in his presence for years. Allow me to educate you, then. Behind the love and care, behind the compassion, the kindness, lays a fierce beast, slumbering, waiting." Macavity hopped up onto the railing, sitting down and crossing his legs. "All it takes is a tiny push, a little persuasion, to unlock the savage killer that lays dormant within."

“That’s a lie!” Mistoffelees snarled, his own eyes glowing with a pale blue light, electricity popping off his whiskers. "Munkustrap's no killer!"

“Isn't he?” Macavity cackled, “Perhaps a demonstration is in order if you don't believe me. If Minuet is so inclined to assist me…"

“Wha-?”

A flash of Macavity’s eyes, and Tugger and Mistoffelees flinched away in sudden pain as they were blinded. The air whistled with the sound of raking claws.

It lasted only a few seconds, Tugger’s vision clearing rather quickly. For a brief moment he thought that nothing had happened at all, until a gurgling sound came from behind him. Mistoffelees' voice called out in horror. "Minuet!!"

Tugger turned just in time for the smuggler to stumble into his arms, his eyes going wide as he felt hot blood smear over his fur. Minuet looked up at him with eyes full of terror, blood spilling from his throat, slashed open by a claw. Macavity just laughed, that grin never leaving his face. “Thank you for your kind gesture, Minuet…”

Tugger and Mistoffelees lowered Minuet to the ground, the smuggler clutching at his neck. Mistoffelees’ paws shone with a brilliant light, shoving Minuet’s aside to apply pressure and stop the bleeding. He grabbed at Mistoffelees’ paws, staring up into his eyes. “Hold on, Minuet!”

Macavity, however, just nonchalantly groomed a paw, swiping it over his ears like everything was completely normal. “Such are the consequences of betrayal. But listen, baby brother… Can you hear it?”

Hear it? He strained his ears, and he...he did hear it. An angry, feral growl that penetrated to his very soul. Tugger turned back to the grate, looking into the pipe that held his captive brother, “Straps..?”

Munkustrap had stood from his scrunched up position at the back of the pipe, all his fur standing on end, his claws and fangs glinting in the dim light. He suddenly charged, throwing himself against the grate and reaching through it with a yowl as Tugger backed away, dragging Mistoffelees and Minuet with him. “What the hell..!? Straps, what are you doing!?”

Munkustrap was desperately trying to get through the bars, his eyes locked on Tugger and Mistoffelees, foam and drool flying from his mouth with every snarl and yowl. Tugger couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Munkustrap, the regal, calm and collected Guardian, his brother, changed into something so…monstrous.

Macavity chuckled softly at the look of horror on their faces, “Marvelous, isn’t it? Have you ever seen something so pure in your life? A cat brought down to the very core of who he is, what makes one a cat… A powerful, relentless predator.”

Tugger shook his head as he stared at Munkustrap, slowly getting back to his feet, trying very hard to control his rage. “He’s...He’s our brother! Your brother! How could you…why would you do this!?”

“Why? To be honest, I didn’t plan it out this way. I was content to simply make him my willing slave, to persuade him to my side, if you will. But this? This is much more exquisite. He was so easy to destroy, so easy to break into tiny little pieces. The Munkustrap you know, baby brother, is gone.”

No, that couldn’t be. It was a lie. There was no way Munkustrap was gone, no way his brother would give in so easily to Macavity's manipulations. He was too strong for that. “You’re wrong…” He growled. “You’re dead wrong. Stay back, Misto. No matter what happens you stay back, do you hear me?"

"Tugger!"

"Listen to me! Stay with Minuet and don’t move."

Mistoffelees bit his lip, anxiously whimpering, but he did as he was told. He turned his attention back to Minuet, the smuggler struggling to breathe, though the bleeding had stopped. "Be careful…"

Tugger put his bloody paws up in a placating manner, and slowly approached the pipe. He stood outside the grate, just out of reach of Munkustrap's paws, and stared at the snarling, writhing, spitting form that was his brother. "Come on, Straps. Come on, it's me. It's only me."

Tugger stared into Munkustrap's eyes as his brother swiped and clawed through the bars of the grate. There was no warmth there, no light, no kindness, only an intense, crazed glare. "Look at me, Straps. Come on, I know you. This isn't you."

“You want to test that?” Macavity sneered from his perch as he lifted his paw, “You think he won’t kill you, Tugger? Let’s find out, shall we?”

A wave and a twist of his wrist, and there was a loud snap that made Tugger jerk back. The grate that separated him and Munkustrap slowly swung open, and everyone went still. There was brief hesitation on Munkustrap’s part as he was suddenly freed from his prison, the Guardian taking a step back further into the pipe and sinking down into a lower position. Tugger didn’t dare move, keeping his paws up, his eyes on his brother. “Hey… Hey, Straps. Look at me. It’s me. It’s okay.”

Munkustrap stared at him, crouching down low on all paws, his lips curling back from his fangs as he growled, long and low. His eyes then shifted, settling behind Tugger, and a snarl erupted from his throat. Before Tugger had a chance to say another word, Munkustrap bolted, right for Mistoffelees.

“STRAPS NO!” Tugger reacted before he had a chance to think, darting in his path before Mistoffelees could even cry out, and tackling Munkustrap to the ground. Munkustrap shrieked, swiping with his claws and catching Tugger across the flank. He howled as the claws dug into his flesh, blood spurting from the wound.

The blood only seemed to aggravate Munkustrap even further, his thrashing intensified and he yowled and hissed as he tried desperately to reach Mistoffelees and his charge. Tugger grabbed him by his legs and dragged him kicking and snarling away from his mate, Mistoffelees hunkered down over Minuet’s writhing body. “Stop, Straps!”

Mistoffelees dragged Minuet farther away, the smuggler grasping at his arms, sucking in a choked breath. The sound of it, it made Munkustrap shriek even louder, more desperate. His claws scraped at the ground as he tried to drag himself out of Tugger’s grip. “Damn it, Straps! Stop!”

Tugger couldn’t keep a solid hold on Munkustrap, the Guardian twisting and writhing in his attempt to get to the other two, to attack. Tugger did the only thing he could think of, he himself lunged forward and he sunk his fangs down into Munkustrap’s shoulder.

It worked. The reaction was instant. Munkustrap howled in pain and he turned his attention back towards Tugger. His claws came down and slashed Tugger on his head, splitting the skin just below his ear. Blood flowed into Tugger's eyes as he released his bite, leaping up and taking off at a run, the Guardian right on his heels.

Tugger heard Mistoffelees call after him as he sprinted down one of the many tunnels from the main chamber, Munkustrap’s snarls echoing off the walls as he gave chase. He didn't stop, he just ran as hard and as fast as he could, away from his mate, away from Minuet.

As soon as they were a safe distance away, he turned, ducking out of the way as Munkustrap lunged and sailed past him, his claws scraping on the ground as he turned back and roared. “Straps! Straps, listen to me!”

Munkustrap charged at him, claws wildly slashing, growling and screaming in frustration as he loosed attack after attack on Tugger, but none would connect as his brother kept his distance, ducking and weaving out of the way of his swipes and lunges. Tugger kept his own paws up, but he was reluctant to counter attack, to hurt him. “This isn’t you! Stop and listen to me! Please!”

But Tugger’s only answer was just another growl as Munkustrap circled around him on all paws, his back arching and tail thrashing. He dug his back claws into the ground, gathering his legs underneath him and pounced once again. Tugger moved to dodge out of the way, but as he brought his foot down he caught another patch of slippery algae. He let out a howl as his legs went out from underneath him, sending him to the ground and allowing Munkustrap to descend on top of him.

Munkustrap’s claws ripped and tore at him, catching him on the back and sides and tearing deep gashes into his skin. Tugger managed to get himself rolled over, his paw coming up to grab Munkustrap’s jaw, holding him up above him as his brother gnashed his teeth, drool dripping down from his open mouth. “Straps, please! Don’t do this!”

Munkustrap howled at him, his claws scratching at the ground as he leaned his weight down, forcing Tugger’s elbow to bend, his fangs getting closer and closer to his throat. Tugger turned his face away when he smelled Munkustrap’s breath on him, his strength just about to give out. “Munkustrap!”

...Everything stopped…

Munkustrap had gone quiet, his weight slightly lifting off Tugger’s arm. He chanced a glance up, his breath coming out in painful gasps from the claw marks on his flank and back. Munkustrap was frozen, his wide eyes staring intensely down at Tugger. His nose faintly twitched as he took in short, scenting breaths. Tugger felt his paw slowly shift, pressing against his mane and gripping it firmly. Tugger met his eyes, the anger there, the primal rage, had faded, replaced with something else, a faint glow of lucidity.

Tugger carefully removed his paw from his brother’s jaw, moving it down to rest on his shoulder. “Munkustrap?”

That paw dug deeper into his mane, his claws touching skin, where the long, thin scar on his chest lay hidden underneath. Munkustrap sucked in a sharp breath, his body trembling. He leaned back, his paws drawing away, and in the smallest voice, he finally spoke. “...Tugger..?”

It was like hot water washed over him, such relief Tugger thought he would melt. His tension, the cold fear in his chest, all faded away as Munkustrap spoke his name. He knew it…he knew he was in there somewhere, locked away in a cage. A pained smile graced his face, “Hey… Hey, Straps. There you are.”

Munkustrap’s eyes travelled over Tugger’s body, at his injuries, and he looked absolutely horrified. A terrified whimper erupted from his throat as he spoke again, his voice hoarse, “What have I done..?”

“No, no. Come here. It’s okay…” He carefully sat up and slid his arms around his brother, keeping him from pulling away. “It’s okay.”

Munkustrap was shaking so hard in his hold, their foreheads touching as he took in deep breaths of his scent. Tugger kept a firm hold on him, keeping him close, not allowing him to shrink back, “It's okay. Come on, look at me.”

The Guardian lifted his eyes, so fearful, hesitant, and yet...full of tentative hope. "...Is this real..?"

Tugger swallowed hard, reaching a paw up to take hold of Munkustrap's, gripping it firmly. “It's real, I swear. I’m here, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. We’re getting you out of here, okay?”

The stiffness in Munkustrap’s muscles eased, and he sank down into Tugger’s hold, burying his nose into his mane and taking in a deep breath. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry...”

Tugger felt his heart breaking into little pieces. He stifled down a hard growl, trying desperately to contain his rage. Macavity would pay for what he did. “Come on… Let’s go home.”

Tugger got his legs underneath him, holding Munkustrap close as he rose to his feet, stumbling slightly from the pain of his claw wounds, and the two slowly made their way back through the tunnels.


	9. An Honorary Jellicle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((This story contains content that may be disturbing to sensitive readers. Discretion is advised.))
> 
> In which Macavity claims another victim in his sadistic games.
> 
> And in which our trio finally escape the sewers and seek refuge to tend to their wounds.
> 
> Comments and criticisms are always welcome!

Tugger didn’t realize just how deep Munkustrap’s claws had cut into him. Every step he took sent searing fire though the slices that littered his torso. The adrenaline of the chase, their fight, was wearing off, and Tugger was starting to feel every single one. He never cried out though, not once. He wouldn't let his brother see just how much pain he was in, see how much damage he had done. He didn't need that right now.

Munkustrap half leaned on Tugger, half supported him as they walked, holding onto him so tightly as though if he let him go, his tentative grip on reality would go with him. The Guardian was clearly fighting something within his own mind, occasionally blinking hard and shaking his head, his body riddled with tremors that he struggled to control. Tugger could see it in his eyes, fear, desperation to not descend back into the dark place he went to when he was forced to attack. Tugger just felt his anger grow as they headed back. He couldn't wait to sink his claws into Macavity's neck.

At least they didn't have far to walk. They came back to the main chamber in only a few short minutes, Mistoffelees right where he had left him. Minuet was on his back by the water channel, hyperventilating with wet, painful breaths.

Munkustrap froze upon hearing them, taking a few steps backwards and as he reached up a paw to cover his muzzle, his eyes squeezing shut. Tugger paused with him, turning to face him. "Straps?"

"I can't…please…not again..."

"Hey…" Tugger got in close, pressing Munkustrap up against the wall, pinning him there with his body. "It’s okay. You got this, you’re in control..."

But his brother only shook his head as he shrunk back, crossing his paws against his stomach so his claws were turned inward. "Please, Tugger...I don’t want to hurt you again…”

Tugger frowned, but in the end he understood. He nodded slowly. "Okay… sit down." He eased Munkustrap down to the floor. "Don't move, okay? I'll be right back."

Munkustrap leaned back against the wall, letting out a slow, calming breath as he closed his eyes. Tugger slowly made his way back into the chamber. "Misto..?"

"Tugs..." Mistoffelees looked at him, his ears down, he was still holding onto Minuet's throat.

Tugger stopped before them, glancing around cautiously, "Macavity?"

“Gone. He just…left.” Mistoffelees looked angry, his coat sparkling with anxious energy.

Left? Just casually _left_? Tugger bit down the vicious growl that threatened to burst out of him. The _bastard_. “And Minuet..?”

Mistoffelees just shook his head as he turned his attention down to the cat in his paws. The smuggler was limp, his eyes cloudy as he struggled to keep breathing with the gash in his throat. Every breath was wet and raspy and sounded like he was drowning. "I tried, Tugs… But I couldn’t..."

"I know. It's okay, it's not your fault." Minuet’s chest was soaked with his blood, it was only a matter of time now. Tugger swallowed down his rising guilt as he stared down at Minuet, this...this was his fault. Why did he insist on bringing him down here? He didn’t deserve this... “I’m sorry…”

Minuet's cloudy eyes met Tugger's, he looked so afraid. Tugger buried his anger deep as he knelt down and reached out to take Minuet’s paw in his own, squeezing it in comfort. There was only one thing he could do for him now. He took a breath and his voice rose into a gentle song. “Do not fear the darkest night, for the Jellicle moon is shining bright. To guide your soul toward her embrace, where she envelopes you in her grace. ”

Mistoffelees was silent, staring at Tugger with sad eyes as he sang to Minuet his last rites. Tugger took in another breath to continue, but he paused, gritting his fangs. How...how did the rest of it go... It had been so long.

A paw suddenly came down on Tugger’s shoulder, Tugger looking up in shock to see Munkustrap beside him. He lowered himself down onto his knees as his voice joined Tugger's in song. "Release your soul to freely fly, through the stars and across the sky…”

Minuet was stilling, his eyes growing duller as his breath slowed. Mistoffelees held his paws as Tugger and Munkustrap’s voices came together in duet to finish the rites, Tugger’s arm sliding around his brother’s shoulders. "Shield us all from dark and strife, until you are granted your next life. From one world to another, from the earth to the Heaviside Layer. Let us not for this soul mourn, for we will meet again when you are reborn..."

They fell into silence as they sang the last word. Minuet had stopped breathing, his paw dead weight in Mistoffelees’ hold. He was gone. 

Munkustrap stared down at him, his face unreadable. Mistoffelees slid in close to Tugger, pressing against him as tears fell from his eyes. "I'm sorry…"

Tugger pressed his nose into Mistoffelees’ ear, giving him a gentle nuzzle. "There wasn't anything you could have done, nothing any of us could have done. Come on… let's get out of here, before Macavity decides to come back."

***

Getting out of the sewers had been far more difficult than going in. Every tunnel looked exactly the same, and without their guide to lead them out the trio had become lost almost immediately.

Macavity had slipped away yet again in the chaos, like the slimy slug he was; the last time Mistoffelees saw him being before Munkustrap had chased Tugger out of the main chamber. So confident was he that Munkustrap would follow through and kill both Tugger and Mistoffelees, he didn’t even stick around to see it through. It took every ounce of self control for Tugger not to fly into a rage at the casual callousness, Munkustrap didn't need him to lose control when he himself had such a tentative grasp on his own. Macavity would pay, when they encountered him again. For now they needed to get out, get everyone to safety.

Eventually after many twisting turns and dead ends, the three of them made it outside, Mistoffelees and Tugger supporting Munkustrap between them. It was far into the day now, the rain still coming down hard over the docks to soak them once again, washing away the blood and grime. The moment they had stepped outside Munkustrap had broken off from them, taking a few wobbly steps out into the cold rain. He tilted his head back with closed eyes as he let it wash over him, taking in slow, deep breaths of the wet air. Tugger couldn’t imagine how good it must have felt for him to finally smell the fresh air again after so long in the stink of the sewers.

The plan at first was to head straight back to the Junkyard, into Jenny's care, but as they walked it became clear that Tugger would not make it that far. He was in so much pain, blood still oozing from the deep gashes in his back from Munkustrap's claws, and he was slowing, weakened from his own loss of blood.

With Mistoffelees being unable to carry them both if Tugger shouldn't be able to keep going, they decided they needed a place to stop and rest, to lick their wounds. A decision which brought them to where they currently were. Despite being told never to come back, Browrey had almost forcibly dragged the trio into the back of the bar when they came knocking on her door. She had one of her bouncers take Munkustrap back for a hot bath with Mistoffelees, to wash away the salt and blood that had crusted in his fur, while the other took Tugger to tend to his wounds.

Tugger now sat on a box face first against the wall. His claws dragged down the wood with a harsh groan as Browrey’s bouncer, the tortoiseshell Queen, carefully drew a fishbone needle through the claw marks marring his back, sucking in a sharp breath as he felt her pulling each stitch closed. Browrey came up beside him, holding a large glass. “Drink this. It’ll take the edge off.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. He grabbed the glass from her and tipped it back, taking heavy gulps of the thick, fatty cream, letting out a moan of pain as it slid down his throat. “Everlasting above, it _hurts_.”

“No shit, she’s sewing your skin back together! You damned idiot, what were you thinking? Do you even fucking think? Do you have a functioning brain? Because sometimes I don’t think you do!”

Tugger didn’t have the energy to return her banter, he just took another gulp of cream and leaned his head back against the wall as the Queen continued her work, trying not to be sick. Browrey left a second glass for him as she walked away, heading to the other side of the room. Mistoffelees was sitting on her bed with a freshly cleaned, quiet Munkustrap. He was staring down at a cup of warm milk in his trembling paws, his ears and tail twitching. He had been silent for several minutes now.

“Munk..?” Mistoffelees leaned down, looking into the Guardian’s eyes with concern. “You okay?”

Mistoffelees didn’t receive a response. Munkustrap looked catatonic. He was just staring blankly, his ears occasionally swivelling toward something only he could hear. His eyes were almost quivering with how fast they were darting back and forth, but looking at nothing.

“He’s starting to come down from whatever that shit was Macavity’s been spoon feeding him. Whatever it was it's hard stuff, and he's had a lot of it." Browrey came up behind them with a blanket, shaking it out and draping it over Munkustrap’s shoulders. “He’s going to be messed up for a while, until it's completely cleared out from his system. Hey, sweet Tom.” She snapped her claws in front of his eyes. “Focus now.”

Munkustrap jerked up, nearly dropping his glass as he let out a sharp hiss. Mistoffelees caught the glass, holding the Guardian's paws steady as his trembling intensified. “Easy, Munk. It’s alright, it’s just us.”

Munkustrap blinked, his cloudy gaze turning to Mistoffelees, then to Browrey, as if just now realizing they were there. “Sorry… I’m sorry.” He slid a paw over his face as he hunched down low under the blanket, his shaking only seeming to worsen, like he was seizing.

“Drink, sweet Tom.” Browrey crouched down beside him as Mistoffelees held the glass up to Munkustrap's mouth, helping him tip it back. “Drink the whole thing, it’ll help you relax.”

Munkustrap swallowed the milk in just a few gulps, coughing at the slight burn in the back of his throat. “That’s it, lay down now, sleep it off."

Browrey put her paws on Munkustrap's trembling shoulders and guided him down onto the soft pillows, pulling the blankets around him tightly, like a swaddle. Munkustrap curled up in the blankets, his shaking somewhat calming as he started relaxing. Browrey popped a pillow underneath his head and shoulders, making him as warm and as comfortable as possible. "Kitten, will you stay with him please? While I attend to your idiot of a mate?"

Mistoffelees just smiled, giving her a nod as she walked away again, leaving him to watch over Munkustrap. The Queen had moved onto the gash on Tugger's head, tying off the last of the stitches. Tugger was quiet now, taking slow drinks from his second glass of cream as she worked, though he did grimace with each pass of the needle.

Browrey was sorely tempted to smack him upside the head, "Didn't I tell you? I told you both you were insane for going after the Mystery Cat. Now look at you, you fucking idiot!"

"Macavity didn't do this…" Tugger whispered, his pained eyes glancing over to the bed where his mate sat.

"What? Then who-" She followed his eyes, falling silent as they settled on the shivering bundle on the bed. "...Shit.”

"I'm going to kill him, Browrey…" Tugger snarled, his words slightly slurred as he took another drink of the thick cream. "I'm going to find him, and I'm going to kill him…"

"And what the fuck do you think you’re going to do stitched together like a rag doll? No, you're staying here, you're going to get into that damn bed, and you're going to sleep. You’re lucky you’re so messed up, or else I’d be beating you upside the head until you passed out!”

Tugger snorted, finishing off the last of the heavy cream in his glass, he felt pleasantly buzzed and relaxed, his pain dulled to a tolerable level. “Thanks… Really… for helping us.”

She tsked at him, crossing her paws as her tail quivered. “Don’t get used to it. When you all are well enough to move again, my bouncers will escort you back to your homes, and this time I seriously don't want to see you come back here."

Tugger only smiled at her words. As horrid as her attitude was, how tough she portrayed herself to be, Browrey really was a Queen with a heart of gold. Not that he would ever say so to her face.

With his wounds stitched and cleaned, the bouncer Queen helped him over to another bed, close by his brother, as Browrey headed back out into the bar to prepare to open. He was so sore and exhausted, so warm from the cream, that the moment Tugger sank down onto those soft pillows, he almost immediately passed out into a deep, dreamless sleep.

***

Far into the night, the moon high in the sky, it was business as usual in the Ivory Lantern. Drunk Toms and Queens dancing around to the music coming from the record player. A group of Toms around a crate table in the back stood up and cheered as one of them won their card hand, sweeping a large amount of fish scales to their side, the others players throwing their cards down and groaning as they bowed out.

The sound of the jazz music, the howling, drunken patrons, drifted through the side door and into Browrey’s sleeping quarters, breaking through the darkness and slowly bringing him back out of the pit of exhaustion he had fallen into. Tugger took a slow breath as he awoke, his nose filling with fresh mint, and his eyes drifted open.

Curled up tightly in a little ball against his stomach lay Mistoffelees, cuddled up into his fluffy fur in deep sleep. Tugger sighed with a gentle smile, lifting his paw and placing it over his little mate, pulling him closer as he gave his ear an affectionate lick. Mistoffelees trilled quietly as he pressed further into Tugger's larger body, but he didn't wake.

If Tugger hadn't been so sore, he would have thought the events of the previous day had all just been some horrible nightmare he had just woken up from. In a terrible way, it still was. These past few days had truly been a nightmare.

His eyes drifted over to the other bed that lay beside his own, at the bundle of blankets that slowly rose and fell with breath, at the pale silver face just visible within. Munkustrap was still asleep, looking more at peace than he had their entire journey to the Lantern, though his body was still shaking with the occasional tremor.

He let out a quiet sigh as he slowly sat up, careful not to disturb Mistoffelees as he slept, and climbed out of bed, letting out a soft groan as his body loudly protested standing up. He could hear it more clearly now, the activity going on in the bar.

He blinked as he heard a deep growl, glancing back at the beds to be sure his mate and brother were still asleep as he settled his paw over his stomach. Everlasting, when was the last time he ate? When was the last time any of them ate? He headed for the door to the pub, maybe Browrey could rummage them up a meal.

As he reached for the handle, the door suddenly swung open and the grey bouncer Tom darted in, closing the door behind him and scaring the piss out of Tugger. “What the hell..!?”

The Tom grabbed his mouth before he could get the sentence out, silencing him and pulling him away from the door as the record player scratched, and the pub went absolutely silent. “We need to get you three out of here, now.”

Tugger was about to struggle in protest at being grabbed, but he froze when he heard the very familiar, very dark, very _angry_ voice of his eldest brother in the now silent pub.

“Hello, Miss Browrey…”


	10. The Journey Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Macavity comes to the Lantern in search of his missing prize.
> 
> And in which our trio finally make their way home.

The Ivory Lantern had gone absolutely silent with the arrival of the Mystery Cat, flanked on his sides by two of his subordinates, the once lively, chaotic bar turning as quiet and still as a library. Several Toms and Queens stood from their tables, slowly backing away from him to line the walls. Others were too afraid to move, rooted to their seats as they kept their eyes down on their drinks. The card games and nip bowls were abandoned, each cat slowly turning to face Macavity as he addressed the lady.

Browrey, however, had a pleasant look of surprise as she came out from behind the bar, casually cleaning a crystal glass. Her tail slowly flicked back and forth as she came to face the tall, ginger Tom, a sultry smile on her face. “Macavity, my dear. How lovely to see you again.” She purred at him as she fluffed up her fur, as if she were trying to impress. “It’s not often that the Hidden Paw himself honors the Lantern with his presence. Such a rare treat.”

She winked at one of the hench cats as she licked her lips, and he blushed, sputtering as he turned away with a red face. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, my dear? Are you thirsty? I have a heavy goat cream straight from the middle east with your name on it.”

“You flatter me.” Macavity slowly stepped past her, a soft growl to his voice as he spoke. As he glanced around the bar, all of the gathered cats either turned away or casted their eyes to the floor or ceiling, avoiding his gaze. Macavity couldn’t help but chuckle softly at their fear, as if he were proud of it. 

“No, it's simply business, Miss Browrey. I have it under good authority that certain someones passed through here recently, certain someones that I would very much like to find. If you are so inclined to assist me.” His eyes narrowed to slits as he turned them back toward her, a dangerous tone to his words.

Browrey, however, smiled sweetly as she set her clean glass down on the bartop. “A hundred someones pass through my bar, dear. You’re going to have to be more specific. Who can I help you find?”

He was silent for a moment, taking in a long breath through his nose before speaking again. “Perhaps we can discuss this somewhere more...private? I would hate for my business to be advertised to every prying ear in the Lantern. You understand.”

“Oh, of course, my dear.” She looked past him to the paper screen at the side door, the Bouncer Tom had reappeared, and he nodded. “Right this way, to my private quarters.”

She sauntered past Macavity, her tail brushing over his unkempt fur. He nodded to his subordinates, both of whom fanned out to keep watch as he followed her towards the side room. Her paw briefly touched her Bouncer’s arm, “Sweetie, will you watch the bar for me?”

He nodded to her, something unspoken passing between them as she disappeared inside, him moving off to the counter. Macavity shut the door behind him, leaving him and Browrey alone. “Very bold of you to think you can sweet talk me, Miss Browrey.”

“Hardly, my dear. I’m aware my Queenly wiles meet their match with you.” She turned to look at him with a wry smile, sinking down to sit on her bed and crossing her legs. “But, Mac dear… I truly don’t appreciate you just barging into my bar and scaring my patrons.” Her tail flicked in irritation. “It’s bad for business, both official and...unofficial, if you catch my meaning.”

“My apologies…” He didn’t sound in the least bit sorry, of course, but Browrey hadn’t been expecting it. "My business is simply urgent."

“Well then, let's get to it. Who are you looking for?” 

“I received information that one of my younger brothers passed through here recently.” He growled as he slowly walked a circle around the room, taking in soft breaths through his nose.

“The grey one?" Browrey tilted her head as she stood, crossing her paws over her fluffy chest. "I was under the impression you found him already, from what I hear from your servants of course.”

She could see the fur bristle on Macavity’s back, his wicked claws extending as his paw flexed hard. “I had found him, and brought him into my fold. But he seems to have been stolen right out from under me...”

He took another few steps, the boards underneath his feet creaking as he walked, dust falling down between the cracks. Unbeknownst to the Hidden Paw, hidden beneath the floor, a pair of honey eyes were glaring at him, watching his every move. The Bouncer Tom had opened up a hatch in the floor when he came into the side room, sending Tugger, a newly wakened Mistoffelees, and a still out cold Munkustrap below to hide.

As they watched Macavity step just above them, Tugger’s heart was racing frantically in his chest, his anger simmering beneath the surface. How he longed at that moment to leap out of the hole, toss Macavity to the ground, and rip his throat out with his fangs, to finally be done with it. But Browrey had been right, he was stitched together like a rag doll, still weak from blood loss and pain. He wasn’t in any condition to face down his eldest brother, especially not with Munkustrap to watch out for and Mistoffelees tired out from using magic to mask their scents. Browrey was their only hope.

Said surly queen was doing a very good job at staying nonchalant, her voice calm and casual as she spoke. “Is that so? I’m sorry to hear that, he was looking-.”

Macavity's paw slammed against the wall above her head, cutting off her sentence. “Tell me Browrey...do you take me for a fool?”

His long, vicious claws dug into the wall, penetrating the creaking wood. It took Browrey all of her self control to not shy away. "Whatever do you mean?

Macavity towered over Browrey, the smaller Queen barely even coming up to the middle of his chest. He leaned in close, their fur almost touching; Browrey could taste his heavy smokey scent. "You think I can't smell him on you? Can't taste the magic in the air? Do you think you can hide them from me?"

Browrey's eyes narrowed, her own fur bristling. "Are you accusing me of something, Macavity?"

"My prize was stolen from me by these two fugitives. Both of whom were seen in your establishment, in your room, just hours before they came to rob me." His voice had a vicious snarl to it, his eyes boring into her. "That is a very...convenient coincidence, is it not?"

"How very presumptuous of you…" She hissed in return, her tail starting to thrash. "I'm not some pushover Queen that hands out free fucking tickets to your hideouts. My information is worth far more than a cute face and kitten eyes. Yes, they were here looking for you, yes, I brought them back to my room. But I didn’t tell them shit, I turned them away."

"Did you now?" His claws dug out gouges of wood from the wall, his anger was rising. Browrey could feel heat starting to build around them, the wood above her head smelling singed. "That’s not what my sources say…”

She bared her fangs, Macavity leaning back just a tad at her aggressive posturing, Browrey was starting to lose her temper. “Then get better fucking sources, preferably ones that aren’t drunk or high. I don’t appreciate being called a liar in my own damn bar.”

Underneath the flooring Tugger was bristling hard, stifling down a vicious growl as he listened to Browrey and Macavity verbally brawl. His claws dug into the blanket that cocooned his unconscious brother against his chest, his fangs gritting so hard they threatened to crack. Mistoffelees had his paws on Tugger’s shoulders, claws pressing into his skin in subtle restraint. Their eyes met and Mistoffelees shook his head slowly, silently shushing him. Browrey was more than capable of taking care of herself.

“If you don’t wish to tell me, I have other methods of...persuasion, Miss Browrey.” His eyes glowed a sickening yellow, “I would rather not be forced to use such methods…”

That had done it. Browrey let loose her own snarl as she climbed up on top of her bed, bringing herself on an equal level with the Hidden Paw, and she glared right into his piercing eyes. “Do it then. You think I’m scared of you? Go ahead!”

What the hell was she doing!? Mistoffelees had to tighten his hold on Tugger to keep him from bursting up through the hatch. Macavity, if it was possible, looked just as shocked at her reaction, his head slightly tilting to the side as he regarded her. Browrey was not backing down though, her peridot eyes looking right into Macavity’s. “Well? What are you waiting for? Do it! I don't have all day!”

He was silent for a few moments more, staring her down with such hard intensity. His silence was broken by a quiet chuckle, his eyes actually softening as the glow in them died away. “There are not many cats that would look me in the eyes without fear. Not even my brothers. You are either extremely brave, or extremely stupid.”

Browrey glared at him as her ears pinned back and Macavity’s chuckle turned into a laugh. “Such a feisty, fearless Queen.” His paw came off the wall, his claws stroking down through the fur on her head, coming to rest upon her throat, lifting her collar up ever so slightly. “Remind me again why I haven’t brought you into my inner circle? How feared and respected you would be.”

She snorted, reaching her paw up to take his off of her neck. “I’m afraid I’m spoken for, Mac dear. The Lantern is my one true love, and I wouldn’t give it up for anything.”

“Indeed. It rather suits you I think, flying free and not trapped in a gilded cage. As much as I would prefer you by my side.” His paw gripped hers for a lingering moment before pulling away, taking a few steps back to give her some room. All of his anger had just seemed to melt away. “It seems I was mistaken, and for that you have my deepest apologies, Miss Browrey. I’ll continue my search elsewhere.”

He gave her a short bow, turning and slowly making his way back towards the pub proper. “Have a delightful evening, my lady.”

“Yes...You as well.” Her eyes followed after him as he went back into the pub, waving his paw for his subordinates to join him as he headed out, just casually leaving as if nothing had happened. As soon as he was gone out the front door, Browrey sank down to the floor with her paw over her muzzle, starting to shake as the reality of what could have just happened struck her like a ton of bricks.

Tugger couldn’t take it anymore, he pushed the hatch open, climbing out of the hole with Mistoffelees and Munkustrap in tow, “Browrey…”

She was curled up, sitting on the floor as Tugger came to kneel by her, settling a gentle paw on her shoulder. She jerked away, standing up and smoothing out her fur, “H-He’s gone, you’re safe to leave…”

He stood up with her. “Browrey-”

“My B-Bouncers will take you home, after th-that, you’re on your own and I d-don’t want you coming back here! He could come back!”

“Browrey!”

She went quiet, hunching her shoulders as she started shaking, “...He could come back.”

Tugger went quiet as well, carefully putting his arms around the small Queen from behind, pulling her to lean against his front. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Oh, shut up, I don't need your sympathy…” She sniffed and quickly wiped her eyes, but she didn’t shrug him off as she straightened her fur and collar. “I’m fine, just...rattled. It’s never pleasant when he comes, for any reason. ”

“I can’t thank you enough.” He gave her a squeeze, “Honestly, I can’t. I’ll make it up to you somehow, I swear it.”

Browrey’s eyes turned to Mistoffelees, the magician had been silent the entire time he watched them, holding the bundled up Munkustrap on the floor. It was then she lightly pushed him off, taking a step back. “Just...really, don’t come back here. It’s not safe for you guys anymore. Take your brother and go.”

He nodded slowly and took a step away from her as she left to retrieve their escorts, moving back over to his mate to help gather Munkustrap up for the journey. It was finally time to go home.

***

The rain just refused to let up as the pack of five slowly made their way back into the city as the night went on, the moon and stars invisible behind the thick blanket of clouds, their path illuminated only by the dull streetlamps that lined the roads and pathways.

At the front of the group the Bouncer Tom led them with a still unconscious Munkustrap on his back, the Guardian covered with a blanket to shield him from the pouring rain. In the middle walked Tugger with Mistoffelees against his side to support him, with the Tortoiseshell Queen taking up the rear.

Everyone was quiet as they walked, with the occasional hiss or grunt of pain from Tugger as he stepped too firmly, or twisted in the wrong way. Mistoffelees was barely paying attention to their path, his mind lost in thought of the events of the evening.

He knew that is was probably so very stupid to feel this way, but Mistoffelees had to admit that there was a twinge of jealousy brewing in his heart. Jealousy that was probably unfounded. He and Tugger were happily mated, the Maine Coon always reaffirming to him how much he loved him, and how happy he was they were together. But there was something in the back of his mind that was nagging at him, that gave him a smidge of doubt, and it was enough to take root and start to fester.

"You're quiet..."

Mistoffelees jumped when Tugger's voice cut through his thoughts, bringing him back to the present. "Sorry, just thinking about today…" 

Tugger gave him a small smile, "You want to talk about it?"

Mistoffelees let out a quiet breath, clearly hesitant to start this conversation. But he knew Tugger would never lie to him, that they could always talk if something bothered each other. He wouldn't judge him for this. "Tugs, is there something between…you know. You and Browrey?"

"You're still hung up on that?" His signature Tugger grin just got bigger, his arm sliding around Mistoffelees’ shoulders to pull him closer.

“Can you blame me? With how you guys argue, and yet how close you are…”

“Is that jealousy I hear?” Tugger laughed, giving him a squeeze as Mistoffelees glared at him. “Seriously, Misto. There’s nothing between me and Browrey, and there never has been. We’re just friends.”

Misto looked unconvinced. It must have been obvious on his face because Tugger continued on, “Browrey and I go way back, since I was a kit. She kind of took me in when I was looking for Macavity, treated me like a little brother, and I never saw her as anything more than an older sister. She gave me a place to sleep and work when I refused to go back to the Junkyard. Yeah, I love her, but I love her like I do Munk, or Dad. It’s purely platonic, I promise.” He leaned down, nuzzling at his ears. “Not like I love you, Sparkles…”

“You’re going to hurt yourself.” Mistoffelees giggled at him, pushing him to stand upright and take the pressure off his stitches. It seemed to be Tugger’s unique super power to make him feel so at ease when his head ran rampant with poisonous thoughts, and he said it himself that he was incapable of lying to him. How could he ever doubt him?

They were coming upon the Junkyard now, Mistoffelees could smell the border scent as they came closer to the wall and fences, the tunnel entrance surrounded by high grass and stones.

“This is as far as we can take you. You should be able to carry him the rest of the way.” The Tom knelt down, sliding Munkustrap to the ground as Tugger came up to take him.

“Honestly, I don’t know how to thank you both.” Mistoffelees helped get Munkustrap back up onto Tugger’s back. “You saved all our lives today.”

He simply shrugged. “Just doing my job. I do what the lady tells me, that’s all. I know what she said and all but…” He smiled, “She really doesn’t mind if you come back for a visit.”

Tugger grunted as Munkustrap’s weight settled on his back, but he returned that smile, “She can count on it. Take care of yourselves, and thank you again.”

He bowed his head and walked off to join his companion, their noses touching affectionately as they disappeared into the long grass, leaving Tugger and Mistoffelees to head inside.

***

Everything felt…different. Munkustrap felt so warm, but...it was a pleasant warmth, a cradling warmth. His nose took in a slow breath; the smell of sulfur was gone, replaced with spicy cinnamon and ginger, cool mint, and sweet honey. The mix of scents was so familiar and comforting. His eyes slowly came open, his paw sliding over the soft quilt he laid upon.

His ears twitched, picking up the soft crackling of wood in a fire, and the bubbling of boiling water, and something else…A quiet, sweet voice, humming a gentle tune. A voice he recognized. As his vision started to clear he lifted his head, blinking the sleep from his eyes. The room was dimly lit, shadows cast by a glowing fire dancing on the metal walls, his claws came out to gather up the patchwork knitted blanket underneath him. This den...how had he gotten here? “Munkustrap?”

Startled, he whipped his head around, going rigid as he looked at the one who called his name, an older, short, orange and brown tabby Queen. Munkustrap’s voice came out hoarse and small. “Jenny..?”

The two stared at each other for a brief moment, and Jennyanydots let out a delighted sound as she hurried over to his bedside, throwing her arms around him. “Oh, sweetheart! Thank goodness you’re alright.”

For a moment Munkustrap was frozen, anxiety rising in his chest as the matronly Queen held onto him. His heart raced as images flitted over his eyes, memories rising in his mind. The sound of blood splattering to the floor, the sound of a horrible scream as his adoptive mother was flayed alive before his eyes.

But as her earthy, clover scent filled his nose, her comforting touch surrounding him, he found himself desperately coiling his arms around her, burying his face into her fur to take in as much of her scent as he could. This...this felt real. “We were so worried about you, dear. All of us.”

“Jenny, when...how did I..?”

“Shhh, kitten, you sound terrible.” She giggled softly at him, rubbing her paw over his ears, “Tugger and Quaxo brought you back this morning, you’ve been sleeping all day, the sun’s about to set again.”

All day? The last thing he actually remembered was being back at the Ivory Lantern, with Tugger and Mistoffelees. Browrey had given him something that had made him so drowsy he fell asleep almost instantly. He had really been asleep for that long?

“Munk!”

Everything stilled… That voice…it made his breath halt in his throat. Terrible anxiety slammed into his chest, making his fur stand on end. His hold loosened on Jenny as another cat stood from his own bed, approaching them with a slight limp. “Alonzo..?”

Munkustrap pulled away from Jenny as Alonzo came to stand beside him, the patched Tom’s torso coiled with bandages, his eyes pinched with pain. Munkustrap’s paws started to shake as he stared at him.

Congealed blood, milky white eyes, twisted features, a slashed throat…All of those memories seemed to flash before his eyes as he stared at his second, his friend. This couldn't be possible, could it? Was he still hallucinating?

“How…” His paws came up to grab Alonzo’s arms, pulling him closer. He felt the soft fur of his friends’ beneath his pads, the little raised scars just underneath the undercoat that littered his skin. It felt real enough, but how could he be sure? “I… I thought…”

“I’ve been pretty in and out of it for a few days, I only woke up properly just yesterday.” Alonzo sat on the bed as Jenny stood, giving them a little room. “Jenny said they found me outside the tunnel a few nights ago.”

“In horrible sorts he was. Fever, infection, he’s going to have a nasty scar on his side there.” Jenny pressed her paw to Alonzo's flank, over the bandages, making the patched Tom flinch, but he was all smiles.

“I can live with scars. I’m here, I’m alive!" He laughed, giving Munkustrap a gentle nudge with his shoulder, but his laughter almost instantly died away. "...Munk?”

Munkustrap had gone quiet, his head down, his trembling having intensified. Alonzo slid his paws over the Guardian’s shoulders, “Munk, what is it? What’s wrong?”

He...he didn’t know what to say. He was alive. He was here. What he had seen in the sewers, it wasn’t real, just another illusion, yet another torture Macavity inflicted on him. His face pinched as tears filled his eyes. “I thought you were dead…”

Alonzo quieted at that, his eyes going soft. “It’ll take more than that bastard to kill me, you know that. I’m tougher than I look.”

Munkustrap pressed his head against Alonzo’s, taking in a deep breath of his familiar, comforting sweet scent. His voice broke, he couldn't hold in the raw emotion anymore, it all spilled out with his tears. “I should have listened to you… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry...”

“Hey...Hey, it’s alright.” Alonzo pulled Munkustrap against him as the Guardian leaned heavily on him. “It’s alright. We’re here, we’re okay. It’s all okay now.”

But...was it..? Something deep in Munkustrap told him that it might not be.


	11. A Brother's Care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((This story contains content that may be disturbing to sensitive readers. Discretion is advised.))
> 
> In which Tugger and Munkustrap finally have a moment to themselves to talk about what has occured, and what can be done to move forward.
> 
> Comments and criticisms are always welcome!

"He's changed, hasn't he?"

Tugger opened one eye to glance over at the one who had disturbed his sunning time, such a rare treat in the late autumn season. Alonzo climbed up on top of the broken stove by the central clearing and settled down to sit by him, Tugger closing his eyes and stretching out his legs with a sigh. "Can you blame him? He's been through more hell than we can ever imagine."

Quite some time had gone by since Tugger and Mistoffelees had returned with Munkustrap to the Junkyard. Tugger was fully healed from his injuries, though how he got them he did not say. The Jellicles didn't need to be privy to that particular truth. Alonzo was back on his feet, also fully recovered from his wounds and fever, his fur growing back to cover the scars on his ribs. The only one who had a harder time than they had, had been Munkustrap.

Macavity's drug was a wicked one, and Munkustrap had been given so much of it, in so short of a time, that coming fully off of it had been terrifying to see. For a day or so Munkustrap's body had been riddled with hard, continuous fit-like body convulsions, Jenny having to give him a mild paralytic to keep him from seizing so hard he hurt himself. Then came the headaches, vicious migraines that had him writhing in pain and vomiting, and then the pure exhaustion that had him sleeping for days at a time.

Withdrawal symptoms were normal, Jenny reassured those concerned. Munkustrap would be fine after his system was cleaned out of the toxins. Physically at least, he would be. But mentally? That was a whole other story.

It didn’t take a genius to see that, as days passed, Munkustrap really had changed after his ordeal in the sewers. He had become much more reserved and quiet, his smiles came less frequently, or sometimes not at all, and he seemed much more guarded around everyone. The kittens were all distraught by how distant their protector had become, somehow thinking it was something they had done to cause such a melancholy mood from the Guardian, despite Tugger’s assurances that it wasn’t them. No, it was no one's fault, no one but the bastard that put him through it.

"I don't blame him, but…" Alonzo moved his gaze over to the tunnel entrance, where Munkustrap sat on the broken, rusted refrigerator that served as their sentry point. His eyes were drooping, his tail hanging limply over the fridge. He looked exhausted. "I don't know...I’m just worried. Has he talked to you at all? About what happened to him? He just clams up when I ask him anything about it."

It was true. When Munkustrap had been questioned about what had happened to him, what Macavity had done to him, the Guardian remained tight-lipped. He absolutely refused to speak about it to anyone, insisting he was fine and tried to settle back into normal life. But Tugger could see it, everyone could see it, Munkustrap was steadily wearing himself down. He was hardly sleeping, hardly eating, and what little sleep he did get was plagued with nightmares worse than when he had been hit on the highway all those months ago. He had stopped participating in the fighting exercises with the guards, leaving that to Alonzo or Admetus, and spent the majority of his time sitting sentry duty, away from everyone else. Tugger had a sneaking suspicion he knew why.

"No, he hasn’t." He spoke in response to Alonzo's question. Not quite a lie, but not the truth either. Munkustrap didn't need to say what Tugger had already seen with his own eyes. "But even if he did tell me, it's not my place to say, 'Lonz. You know that. He'll come around eventually, he just needs time, as much time as we can give him.”

But as the days wore on, things just didn’t seem to be getting better. It had come to the point where Munkustrap barely had the energy to leave their home anymore. Winter had finally arrived, the snow falling in swirling flurries and creating a blanket of white over the ground deeper than a cat was tall. It was one of the rare times that Tugger and Munkustrap were stuck in the house together, the snow too deep for them both to return to the Junkyard. It was December now, and it would be Tugger’s first Christmas with Munkustrap and Emily.

Emily was bustling about the house in high spirits. She had lit the fireplace with apple wood, making the house smell wonderful, had decorated the stairs and mantle with garlands of pine entwined with rainbow lights, and she constantly had cookies or cakes baking in the kitchen, filling the house with scents of chocolate and nutmeg.

Munkustrap, however, was clearly not in the festive mood. When Emily was home he either confined himself to her lap, his face pressed to her stomach or elbow for comfort, or when she wasn’t home, to his crate for solitude. As much as Tugger wanted to give his brother space, let him recover on his own terms, something had to give. He still wasn’t eating as much as he should, sleeping less and less, and now Tugger was getting worried.

Munkustrap was purposefully keeping himself weakened, and Tugger wasn't going to allow it anymore.

At the moment they were alone in the house, Emily having gone out into the snow to buy ingredients for yet another Christmas cake she was baking for her theater troupe. Munkustrap had secluded himself in his cat crate again, and Tugger carefully approached with a bowl of food Emily had left out for them.

He lifted the blanket covering the crate to peer inside. Munkustrap sat in the back, propped up against a pillow. Before him, leaning against the opposite wall, lay one of Emily's many books, his tired eyes slowly drifting over the words on the pages. Tugger took in a breath, it was now or never. "Hey, Straps."

Munkustrap jumped, drawing the book closer to himself. "Tugger." He sat up, his tail curling around his hips. "Sorry, I didn’t notice you were there."

"What are you reading?" Tugger's eyes went to the spine of the book. He wasn't well versed in human script, but Munkustrap had taken to teaching him in the time he moved in. He knew enough now to read a few sentences and sound things out. "Bee-uh-wolf?”

“Beowulf." Munkustrap gingerly closed the book after marking his page, setting it against the wall of the crate. "It’s just some light reading. It’s about a warrior who leaves his homeland to assist a King in slaying a beast terrorizing his hall.”

Ironic? Perhaps just a little, but Munkustrap's literary choices weren't the reason he was there. “You'll have to tell me all about it later, you've been cooped up in here all day. Emily left some food for you and you've hardly touched it."

Tugger held out the bowl of food expectantly. Munkustrap stared at it for a moment, but turned away as he curled his paws against his stomach. "Thank you, but I'm not hungry. You can have it."

"Come on, Straps, you've barely eaten at all today. How do you expect to grow up to be a big and strong Guardian if you don't eat your supper?"

Tugger let loose a playful grin as Munkustrap turned to level him a glare, but ended up cracking a smile instead. He let out a soft, amused snort through his nose. A small victory. "You sound like Father, when we were kittens."

"Does that mean my methods of persuasion are working?" Tugger let himself into the crate, sitting down on his hip as he held out the food bowl more insistently, "Come on, eat. For me?"

Munkustrap stared at the bowl in his paws, sighing as he reached out and took it, settling it in his lap. Tugger sat beside him in the crate, getting comfortable as Munkustrap nibbled slowly at the kibble. "So…"

Munkustrap glanced at him, his ears pinning back as if he knew what was coming. "So..?"

Tugger kept himself firmly planted next to Munkustrap, so even if his brother wanted to run his way was blocked. There would be no escaping this conversation now. "Think it's about time we talk, don't you? You may think you can fool everyone else, but you can’t fool me.”

Munkustrap's shoulders hunched slightly as he stared at the bowl of food in his paws, “Tugger...”

“Don't think I haven't noticed what you're doing to yourself. Despite what the majority of the Junkyard thinks, I'm not stupid." Tugger shot him a firm look.

"No one thinks that..." Munkustrap sighed heavily, picking at the kibble in the bowl. “Myself especially. You don't realize how many of us have come to rely on you, Tugger."

That's it...keep talking. Start off slow. He stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry. "Oh please, no one really NEEDS me. I could disappear off the face of the Earth and life would still be the same, except maybe quieter and a bit more boring."

"That's not true at all. We would all be heartbroken if you vanished, Mistoffelees especially. He would be crushed. I...I would be…" Munkustrap stared down at his paws, at his extended claws, and he started trembling. "I would be devastated…"

"...Is that what this is all about?" Tugger reached over and put his paw over Munkustrap's, to calm his shaking. "Macavity forcing you to attack me and Misto?"

That question actually made Munkustrap flinch. He pulled his paw out from under Tugger's and went to climb past him, to leave. "I don't want to discuss it."

But Tugger wouldn't allow it. He blocked Munkustrap's path, putting a paw on his chest. "Well I do. You were DRUGGED, Straps. That wasn't you that attacked us."

"Tugger, please…"

"I'm not moving until you talk to me." He put more force behind his tone, but tried to keep it calm and even. "Until you acknowledge it wasn't your fault."

Munkustrap just seemed more desperate to get away, but he seemed very reluctant to be forceful himself. "You don't understand, Tugger!"

"Then TELL me what it is I don't understand!"

"The things I saw!" Munkustrap sat back, his shaking paw sliding up to cover his eyes. "...The things I…I did…"

Tugger's ears pinned back as he moved in closer, squishing Munkustrap between his body and the pillow he rested against. "So tell me...What did you see? I just want to help you..."

"...I know." Munkustrap took a deep breath of Tugger's scent, and his desperation seemed to calm a little. Munkustrap's voice was so small as he spoke. "...The first was Alonzo. Even before I was drugged Macavity kept hinting at me that he had actually killed him, but I didn't believe him. When he dosed me the first time, he said he brought me a gift..."

Tugger reached out, taking Munkustrap's paw and grasping it firmly as he spoke. "When I looked...it was Alonzo, laying at my feet, twisted and mangled, with his...his throat slashed open. He was staring at me with empty, hazy eyes…and Macavity said it had been my fault…" Munkustrap's voice broke, tears he had been repressing finally coming to the surface.

Tugger was simmering with anger that he kept bottled in, holding tightly onto his brother. "Just a hallucination…"

"It was real enough in the moment. That's the first time I attacked, the first time I lost control. I kept hearing this thing inside my head, like a dozen voices whispering at me, all of them saying the same thing… to kill Macavity."

Another breath of his scent, like it was helping to ground him as he spoke. "I went after him, I couldn't stop myself. It was like I lost all thought, like my mind had turned into a void. I couldn't see, couldn't hear, I just attacked. It...it just got worse from there."

That simmering was turning into a raging boil, but Tugger dared not to interrupt, he might not get a chance to hear this again if he did. "I saw everyone… Admetus, Pouncival, Cassandra, Skimble, I saw all of them...dead. He showed them to me, one by one, like he was going through an itemized list. You can't imagine the horrors of these visions, Tugger. What I saw, what I heard. The shrieks, the pleading, over and over again. I know they're all alive, that they're all okay, but even now it still echoes in my head. When I close my eyes I see their twisted faces, I hear their blood hitting the floor. They haunt my dreams…"

Now that he was talking it was like a wave, it poured out of him with such intensity he couldn't stop himself. "The second time…" He let out a trembling breath. "The second time it happened was when he showed me Jenny. Tugs, she...she had been gutted…"

He had to pause, to calm himself. Tugger pulled him against his side, offering as much comfort as he could as he listened. "I attacked Macavity again, but I had some moments of clarity. I could see him through the dark void in my mind, laughing at it all, like it was some twisted game to him. The third time, I saw Demeter… Everlasting, it wrenched from me such blinding rage, I couldn't stop myself…but he had placed someone else in my path… and I...I…"

He couldn't continue. His paw just settled over his muzzle as he fell silent.

That was it...right there. It all made sense now. When Tugger found him locked in that pipe, the blood he saw on him, it hadn't been Munkustrap's blood. 

He had killed someone.

It was one of his most deeply held beliefs. Munkustrap never, ever, killed when he fought. In his entire time as the Jellicle Guardian his philosophy was to always drive away, to kill only as a very last resort. Macavity, in his sick experimentation of just how far he could push Munkustrap, forced him to go against the very core of his being. He forced him to murder someone.

There was nothing Tugger could say to make it better, nothing he could say to put Munkustrap's mind at ease, or make it go away. All Tugger could do was coil his arms around his brother, to hold him close as he grieved for the life of a cat he never knew. And this wasn't even the worst of it. If Munkustrap hadn't have come back to himself when he did, he might have unintentionally murdered Tugger as well.

Tugger didn't want to even think about what might have happened to his brother if that had come to pass.

"There's a monster inside me, Tugs…" Munkustrap whispered into his fur, "A deranged demon. How can I protect our family from such a thing if it comes loose again? How...How do I protect everyone from myself..?"

He truly didn't know. He didn't think there was anything he could do to make it better, to make it all go away. He couldn't turn back the clock, couldn't unmake the choices that were made. There was probably nothing he could say to convince Munkustrap that this "demon" inside him was not him.

But...perhaps there was someone else who could.

"Listen. I know it's hard right now. I get it, I swear...but I need you to do me this one favor. Promise me that whatever it is you feel, whatever you feel you need to do, you'll hold on until spring. Promise me that you won't let go until then."

"Spring..?" Munkustrap lifted his head, looking up into his brother's eyes. "Why Spring?"

"Because the snow needs to melt before we can travel. We're going to pay someone a visit. And besides, I specifically remember the vicarage being quite beautiful when the flowers are in bloom…"


	12. A Father's Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which our brothers head off to visit someone that may very well be able to help Munkustrap begin his journey of healing.
> 
> Comments and criticisms are always welcome!

The winter had passed in relative silence over the tiny village, spring had finally arrived, chasing away the chill and bringing back the warm breeze and sun. Down the dirt road a horse walked on, pulling behind it a wooden cart laden down with stacks of hay. The cart was driven by a little old man, his face and hands wrinkled and weather worn from years in the sun. The cart hit a pothole in the road, bouncing the hay and knocking some of the bale loose to sprinkle down dust from above.

Within the stacks, a fluffy cat darted out onto the back of the cart from between the crevices of the bales, sneezing and sputtering and shaking the dust from his fur. “Ugh..!”

Tugger spat out bits of hay, picking it out of his mane and flanks with a growl. “Country, I hate it. Who’s great idea was this again?”

“Yours.” Munkustrap lethargically emerged from the bales after him, shaking the hay from his own fur in a more subdued fashion before sitting down on the edge of the cart to look out over the landscape.

The brothers were far from the city now, far from the wet, grimy streets of London and into the vast, green countryside. The hills were dotted with little houses surrounded by low stone walls, humans milling about their everyday lives as the snow vanished and the sun returned. Mothers tending to their laughing children, maids milking their cows or feeding their chickens and horses, men tilling their fields and planting their crops as the frosted ground thawed and softened.

This place...Everlasting, how long had it been since Munkustrap and Tugger had actually set foot here? How many years now? Both of their earliest memories were of this place, when they were just tiny kittens, chasing butterflies through the long grass that towered over their heads, hunting minnows in the fresh streams that flowed down from the mountains, and the crisp, clean spring morning air. Simpler times...happier times.

“Well, of course I know it was MY idea, I just didn’t remember the country being so...country.” Tugger whined, combing his claws through his mane to get out the dirt and tangles. Munkustrap snorted as he settled down onto his belly, crossing his paws as he watched the scenery go by with exhausted eyes. 

It had been a very difficult wait, but true to his word Munkustrap had held on for dear life throughout the entirety of the dark winter, under Tugger’s watchful eye. He was still very worn down, still having a hard time eating, or sleeping, or functioning at all for that matter, and there were times where he had truly started giving up all hope. But he was here...he had made it, and he had Tugger to thank for it.

Munkustrap didn’t think he could ever properly show his gratitude to his brother for what he did for him, what he still continued to do for him. It had been Tugger’s forceful and stubborn attitude that had kept him afloat when he felt like he was drowning. When it seemed like the darkness would consume him, Tugger was there to light his way. When he didn’t think he could keep going, Tugger was there to pick him back up and force him on. He didn’t think he would still be here if it wasn’t for his little brother being there to offer him his paw. He probably would have wasted away a long time ago. Or worse, sought back out their eldest brother and just...surrendered himself to him.

“How are you feeling, by the way?” Tugger, clean of the hay dust, settled down to sit by Munkustrap, to watch the rolling hills pass by as the cart continued on it’s way. 

Munkustrap glanced to him briefly, rolling just a tad so his flank pressed to Tugger’s leg. “Nostalgic… Nothing has really changed here, has it? It’s the same calm, the same quiet…”

“The same boring country.” Tugger snickered when Munkustrap nudged him in response. “But seriously. It’s...kind of nice being back, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s good to get away from the Junkyard for a while, from the city.”

“...Yes. It is.”

Being back here, in the place they were born, it was probably the calmest Munkustrap had been since autumn. A calm he was very grateful for. 

Eventually the wooden cart slowly came to a stop at an intersection, the horse drawing it knickering as the driver pulled the reins to bring it to a halt. A parade of sheep had started crossing the road, herded on by their Shepard. Their ride wouldn't be going any further than this. “Guess this is our stop.”

Tugger leaped down from the cart, growling at the dirt under his claws as Munkustrap jumped down to join him. Both of them made their way down the dirt road on foot, Tugger sticking close to Munkustrap’s side. It wouldn’t be much further now.

As they turned down a side path that ran along a stone wall, they finally spotted what they were looking for. Up ahead of them stood a grand, old brick and stone building that sat adjacent to a pond laden with lily pads and lotus flowers. The vicarage.

In the middle of the pond, reachable only by a pathway of flat stepping stones set into the water, grew a gigantic willow tree, the branches blooming with fragrant yellow flowers. Munkustrap had paused as Tugger walked on, staring up at the tree, at the grass that grew around the pond. Remembering...

_“Maaaaac! Where are you!?”_

_A silver kitten bounded through the yellow grass, his long, striped tail lifted up high over the stalks like the periscope of a submarine. He was giggling excitedly as he ran. “Mac, no fair! I can’t see you! You blend in!”_

_A laugh answered him, musical, bright, and happy, “Over here, Munk!”_

_A little fluffy ginger kitten climbed up the low hanging switches of the willow tree, wiggling his butt as he prepared to pounce. “I’m gonna get you!”_

_“Not if I get you first!”_

“Straps? You with me?”

Munkustrap blinked as his brother’s voice brought him back to the present, the image, the memory, fading away. He glanced back to Tugger, a concerned look on the Maine Coon’s face. “Sorry...I just was lost in thought.”

Tugger turned back, stepping back over to him. “You alright?”

“Yes… I just can’t believe this is still here, unchanged after all these years…” His eyes turned back to the tree, at the flowers on the switches, “Do you remember running through these fields? Splashing in the ponds?” A faint smile passed over Munkustrap’s lips, and for just a moment his haunted eyes seemed to brighten.

Tugger had to smile in return, turning to look up at the willow tree as his paws crossed over his chest. “I do. I remember one time you caught a grasshopper. It was the first time you had ever caught something. You were so damn proud of it you just had to show mom and dad, but you accidentally ate it. You cried for hours.” He snickered at that particular memory.

“And the first time you caught a fish, how excited you were… You were soaking wet, freezing, but you pranced into the den like you were the best hunter in the world, and mother agreed with you.” Munkustrap breathed in the scents of the willow blooms, letting it out slowly. “Don’t you wish we could go back to that time again..? No fears, no worry, just us and the wind and sky…”

“Yeah, sometimes...but then I think about what we wouldn’t have if we did. I wouldn’t have Misto, and you wouldn’t have Demeter and Jemima. We wouldn’t have the tribe, our friends and families...”

“And family is something that one should treasure above all else.”

Both Cats jumped at the sudden intrusion of the new voice, their eyes turning to look at the gate that led into the yard. Standing there, like he had just been waiting this entire time for them to notice him, was an old, shabby looking grey and brown cat. He had such a serene smile on his face, and a gentle sparkle to his eyes, his shaggy coat fluffed up against the cool spring breeze. Old Deuteronomy.

Tugger was the first one to rush up, quickly giving himself a groom with his claws as he left Munkustrap behind on the path in his eagerness to greet their father. "Yo, Dad!”

“My little ones. Welcome.” The old cat slowly shambled up to meet Tugger, drawing him into a hug and giving his ears an affectionate swipe with his tongue. “This is quite unexpected! Ah, but it's so wonderful to see you both, my treasures. I have missed you dearly.”

Munkustrap walked up a bit more slowly, more guarded, anxiety starting to settle into his chest as he stood before them both. Tugger gave Deuteronomy one last affectionate rub of his head before he stepped aside, allowing the elder to greet the Guardian. Munkustrap stopped a short distance away, and he lowered himself into a respectful bow, much more formal than Tugger had been. “Father…”

Deuteronomy closed the distance between him and Munkustrap, taking hold of his paws and encouraging him to straighten from his bow. He didn't need to ask why his sons came to see him, why Tugger was so insistent that they visit. As his paws came up to cup Munkustrap's face, all it took was one look into the Guardian's sunken, bloodshot eyes, at his thin, fragile frame, and instantly the old cat knew. This wasn’t a simple, pleasurable visit. "My sweet child...what has passed before these eyes to bring such sorrow to them? Such pain?"

Munkustrap's own paws came up to rest on his Father's wrists, staring into his eyes for just a moment, into the warmth there, the deep love, eyes that bore right through him to his very core. Munkustrap suddenly felt like he was made of glass, as if his heart had been flayed open and put on display for the Jellicle elder to scrutinize. A rush of emotion washed over him and it just became too much for him to bear. He cast his gaze away, shaking his head in response to his Father’s question. He took in a sharp breath as his shoulders tightened and his head lowered, tears falling from his eyes to soak into his father's shaggy fur. Deuteronomy gently drew his son closer, encircling his arms around him in a tender, protective embrace.

Tugger came to stand behind Munkustrap as the Guardian sank down into the elder’s hold, his and Deuteronomy’s eyes meeting. “We have a lot to talk about...A lot happened in the past few months that I really think you need to hear.”

***

The three cats had retreated to sit under the willow tree in the middle of the pond, Deuteronomy settled back against the trunk with Munkustrap and Tugger across from him. Tugger was explaining everything that Munkustrap had shared with him about his ordeal, what he had gone through during the winter, and Deuteronomy was staring at the downcast Guardian with soft, sad eyes.

Munkustrap's own eyes were on the pond as Tugger spoke, grateful he was taking on most of the conversation. His mind was elsewhere, trying to tune out the more gruesome details of Tugger's explanation. Though, if truth be told, his brother didn't really know half of everything that he experienced. There were some things he had just been too ashamed to share, some things that were too painful.

"He hasn't come after us since we all escaped that day, no ones heard from him, nor seen him." Tugger finished, combing his claws through his mane.

"Perhaps it is not his intention to retrieve you." Deuteronomy spoke gently, "Perhaps it is his expectation that you will return on your own."

Munkustrap's ears pinned back as Tugger hissed. "As if that would ever happen! He's an idiot if he thinks that Straps would ever..!" Tugger's eyes turned to his brother, and his own ears went down as he saw the sad look on his face. "Straps… no, you can't possibly be thinking that!"

"He's ruined me, Tugger…" Munkustrap's voice came out small and meek. "I can't function...I can't protect the Jellicles like this. Not with what he's turned me into."

"He didn't turn you into anything! You're still you, you're still our Guardian, still my brother!" Tugger snarled, though he fell silent when Deuteronomy placed a soft paw on his head, rubbing his ears.

"Calm yourself, Tugger. Anger is not needed here. This is a place of peace and healing." His eyes settled on Munkustrap, and he smiled at him. "But your brother is right, child. A forced deed does not define the entirety of your existence. You are the sum of your dreams, your values and morals, everything that makes you, you. It's here." 

His claw gently tapped Munkustrap on the chest, over his heart. "An act of wickedness cannot change this. You have great love in your heart for all those that surround you, Macavity can never take that away from you."

Tugger had gone limp at the rubbing, a soft purr vibrating in his throat. Munkustrap, however, was still very tense, his tail curling around himself as he shrank down. "It didn't stop me from harming someone I love…"

"Yes, I know…What you need, child, is a chance to process, a chance to reflect and sort through what has happened. So this is my decree. You are not to leave this place until I am satisfied you are ready to."

"What?" Munkustrap lifted his head, his tail puffing up. "But the Junkyard, my human..!"

"Tugger will see to it that your human is cared for, and the Junkyard is in good paws. Your second in command can handle your duties."

"Father..!"

"That is my final word." Deuteronomy stood, his paw on Tugger's shoulder. "Come join me in my den when you are ready. We will talk more."

The old cat slid his paw over Munkustrap's ears as he tottered away, the Guardian's hard eyes settling on Tugger. "You knew…you planned this."

"Maybe. But you need this, Straps, and there's no way in hell I'm letting you go back to be willingly tortured by that bastard. I don't care what you say." Tugger stood up, crossing his arms over his chest. "You need help, more help than any of us back at the Yard can give you. If that means you have to stay here for a while, then that's what you're doing."

Munkustrap went quiet, his eyes cast down to stare at his paws. "Trust me, Straps… Trust in Dad. It'll be alright."

He didn't know what to say, what could he say? He had very little hope left in his heart. Munkustrap was broken, ruined, and he didn't think there was anything that could be done to fix him. "...How can you have such hope..?"

...Tugger shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it's just not in my nature to give up. That, and I just...I love you, okay? I just want to see you happy again."

Tugger took Munkustrap's paw, pulling him back to his feet and into a firm hug. He squeezed him tight before letting him go. "Trust us, it'll be okay."

...Munkustrap sighed heavily, but in the end he knew Tugger was right. He simply nodded. "...Okay. I'll try..."


	13. Comforts and Fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Munkustrap is finally alone with his Father, fears are exposed, secrets revealed, and the journey of healing can finally begin.
> 
> But there's always a small whisper of doubt...
> 
> Comments and criticisms are always welcome!

It had probably been the hardest goodbye between the two of them Munkustrap had ever known. For an entire season Tugger had stuck close to his side, keeping him from falling into a pit of despair, lifting him up and forcing him to keep going. But now it was Tugger's time to step back, to pass the baton to their Father while he attended to their home, both human and Junkyard, so Munkustrap could focus on healing.

After a few hugs, many tears, and promises to soon reunite, the two brothers parted ways, leaving Munkustrap to make his way around to the back of the vicarage. Nestled in a tangle of flowering ivy and shrubs stood an old, ramshackle gardening shed where Old Deuteronomy made his den. The rotting wood left the boards along the left side loose, enough so that Munkustrap could push them aside and slip in.

The inside was very spacious, yet very simply furnished and smelled of damp pine and warm earth. It was lit only by a single oil lamp that sat on the floor, dead center of the den. Deuteronomy's nest was a simple metal flower trough lined with pillows and soft blankets, pressed up against the far wall, underneath a window that was clogged with various shrubbery. A small cabinet underneath the nest, one that typically should have held gardening supplies, held cups and a small, dented kettle instead, along with various sprigs of lavender, chamomile, ginger, and catnip.

Munkustrap sat on a worn out, yet still soft cushion by an old, creaky bench, a wooden slab laden with cuts of fish laid upon its surface. He watched in silence as the Jellicle elder took his time lighting a small fire in a metal can with a match and dry leaves as kindling, putting water on to boil with some chamomile buds.

One would think that the leader of the Jellicles, a cat who has lived so many lifetimes and experienced so many ages, would live a bit more lavishly. It would be well deserved, after all. But perhaps that didn't suit a cat like Old Deuteronomy. To him, his wealth lied in peace and happiness, and the children he shared with the world. 

Though Munkustrap had to note...he had yet to take another mate since Grizabella had been chosen to ascend nearly two years prior. Munkustrap, Tugger, and Macavity had been the last of his most recent children, and they were already grown. Munkustrap had to wonder if something was wrong...

But his wondering was brief as his Father's voice cut into his thoughts. Besides, his love life was none of Munkustrap's business. "You have not been eating, have you?"

The Guardian wrung his paws, suddenly feeling very self-conscious under the gaze of his Father. His lean, muscular body had thinned down during the winter months from lack of exercise and nutrition, and he was suddenly VERY aware of it. "Hardly anything. Nor sleeping…though it's not for lack of trying."

"I understand." Deuteronomy set two cups down on the bench, easing himself to sit across from Munkustrap while the water heated. "I wish you had come to me sooner."

Munkustrap's eyes were locked on his paws, picking at his claw sheaths as he usually did when under stress or feeling anxiety. "I didn't want to burden you. It was nearly winter, and I know how hard the snow can be on you. Besides, I...I thought I could push past it on my own."

"Your concern is touching, but you are not an island, Munkustrap. You do not stand alone in a vast ocean of emptiness. You are surrounded by many souls that love and care for you, if only you let them." 

His eyes looked so sad, and yet his voice was gentle, calm and reassuring. Munkustrap couldn't help but feel guilty that there could possibly even be a hint of disappointment in that voice. "...I'm sorry."

"It's not me you should apologise to, but yourself." Deuteronomy picked up the kettle when the water had reached a simmer, pouring the hot chamomile tea into each cup. "You have such love for everyone around you, and yet so little love for yourself. You are just as much deserving of love as the rest of them."

"Right now I don't feel worthy of anyone's love." Munkustrap picked up his cup, staring into it at the tea. "Least of all my own…"

"Everyone's love is their own to give. Who are we to decide for them who is worthy or unworthy of the love they have to offer?" Deuteronomy took a sip of his tea, his critical eye settling on Munkustrap.

The Guardian took the silent hint. He brought the cup up to his lips and took a sip of it himself. It was only then that Deuteronomy's eyes softened again. "Your family deems you worthy of their love. Are you about to tell them they're wrong?"

"...No." Another sip, and slowly the tension in him seemed to ease, the anxiety melting as the warm tea slid down his throat. It was very difficult to be anything but relaxed in the presence of the elder. “It’s just very difficult to accept right now.”

“I understand. The shame you feel is not unexpected, I suspect that is why you hold back."

Munkustrap ears pinned back, his shoulders hunched ever so slightly. "I don’t know what you mean…”

“Munkustrap, do you truly think you can hide anything from me?"

_**Well? Do you, my dear brother?** _

Munkustrap froze, his paw clutching the cup so tightly his claws extended around it. The warmth, the relaxation, had disappeared. Munkustrap suddenly felt like his skin was crawling, like a block of ice had settled into his chest. His breath was starting to stutter, his voice becoming more desperate and fearful. "I-I'm not hiding anything."

Old Deuteronomy's gentle expression had fallen, replaced with one of deep concern. "Child…"

There were images in his mind, flashes of dim light, glistening red flying in all directions, the sound of drowning and terrified honey colored eyes. Thought seemed to vanish, vision turned blinding white, cruel laughter echoed in his ears. "Stop..."

"Munkustrap-"

" _STOP!_ " His paw came down hard on the bench as he jumped to his feet, knocking the cup of tea over. His hackles had raised up and he let out a vicious snarl.

Deuteronomy had gone quiet as Munkustrap stood there in an aggressive posture for a second or two. Then, slowly, he started to blink, as if he were just realizing where he was. He took in a small, shaky breath, and his fur slowly flattened as he looked down at the bench. His extended claws had dug deep, jagged furrows into the wood. 

He brought a trembling paw up to rest over his muzzle, shocked over what he had just done , his voice now so small, so quiet. "I...I'm sorry…"

"Shhh…" If Deuteronomy had felt any fear, he didn't show an ounce of it. Instead he had come around the bench, encircling his arms around the Guardian and drawing him into his hold. "Quiet now, my son. Only quiet."

Munkustrap's face pressed close to his Father's chest, the elder's strong heartbeat thumping rhythmically in his ears. The ice in his chest melted back into warmth, and his intense earthy scent filled his nose. He smelled like an ancient forest, of wood, soil, and moss, of clear streams and cool winds. It encompassed him like a shroud and left him feeling a sense of deep peace. 

This...this was one of the very first scents he had ever encountered as a newborn kitten. A scent that had burned itself into his memory as he stumbled blind and deaf in the terrifying darkness. It smelled of comfort, of safety, of home…

The tentative strength he clung to, the carefully crafted mask he held to conceal his pain ripped away from his grasp, and he just...cried. 

Months of hoarded fear and anguish fell from his heart with each quiet sob. Deuteronomy kept a tight hold on him, sheltering him in his arms. There was no judgement in Deuteronomy's eyes, only compassion as he let his child spill his heart out, let his walls crumble away. When was the last time Munkustrap had truly allowed himself to be vulnerable? To allow others to care for him not as their Guardian, but as a cat, an individual with needs and fears of his own? Perhaps now he could find that here.

Munkustrap could feel the exhaustion start to creep in as his tears faded away, as he melted into his Father's hold and relaxed into the warm fur. He suddenly found himself being lifted, his thinning frame encompassed in Deuteronomy's arms. A few seconds later he was set down into a sea of soft, worn pillows, with his Father's body settling over top of him, like a hen on top of her chicks, squishing him down comfortably into the nest.

And then, he started to purr, deep and loud like an idling car engine. It drowned out all sensation and noise, and surrounded Munkustrap in deep comfort. He felt like a kitten again, blind and deaf with only the strong scents of his parents and the vibrations of their purrs to reassure him.

His paws lightly kneaded into Deuteronomy's fur, into the pillows underneath him and, for the first time in months, Munkustrap drifted off into a deep, restful sleep.

***

_“Tugs, be careful!”_

_A tiny, pudgy, fluffy brown tabby kitten was slowly climbing over the walking stones in the pond, little butt swaying back and forth as he jumped to another one. “I gots its!”_

_A slightly bigger silver tabby kitten was pacing back and forth on the bank of the pond. “Daddy said we can’t go on the stones! Tugs, come back!”_

_“I got him, Munk!” A fluffy ginger kitten stepped out onto the stones, slowly and carefully making his way over them. “Tugs don’t move!”_

_“No! Gots its!” Another jump, and there was a loud splash. He fell short of the stone and fell into the water._

_“TUGS!” The kitten didn’t hesitate, he leapt into the water after him, disappearing underneath._

_“MAC! TUGS!”_

_The kitten anxiously paced back and forth, debating whether to run back to the den and retrieve their father and mother. Before he could make his decision a little brown head popped up from the water, swimming along back to the shore. "Munkyyy! Is wets a-and colds!"_

_A ginger kitten popped up too, looking decidedly irritated. "You little poopy puff ball! I didn't know you could swim! Yeah you better run!"_

_Laughter had replaced the anxious cries, and suddenly all three kittens were chasing each other again through the grass._

The memory faded like a dream as Munkustrap shifted in the nest. His eyes slowly opened, then flinched closed as a conveniently placed beam of sunlight filtered through a gap in the shrubs by the window, hitting him in the face. He groaned softly as he rolled onto his back and stretched his back legs out. He felt so groggy, but...better. Though his tongue was pasty and his stomach was growling. Not to mention he had a slight headache. What time was it?

He lifted his head off the pillows, raising his nose to take a deep breath of the air. Something was cooking…Oily fish, mixed with the spicy scent of ginger. "Ah, I knew this would rouse you. Welcome back to the land of the living."

His ears perked, and he sleepily looked over to the middle of the garden shed. Deuteronomy was settled on a cushion with a bright smile on his face, a little fire going in a can before him with some fish on a skewer roasting over top of it. 

"Forgive me…" He lifted his paw to rub at his eyes, his mouth opening in a wide yawn. "How long have I been asleep..?"

"Not long. Around fourteen hours at least." Old Deuteronomy laughed at the sudden, horrified look on Munkustrap's face. Fourteen hours!? No wonder he felt so terrible! He hadn't slept that long since he broke his leg! "Relax, child. Clearly you needed it. Now I imagine you must be starving; come and eat."

It took some effort, but Munkustrap managed to drag his tired body out of the nest, sliding down on all paws to the floor where Deuteronomy was waiting with a fresh cup of ginger tea and a skewer of fish for him. "I...I apologise...for my outburst from before…"

"No, do not apologise. It was my doing for trying to push you too far." He glanced to his side as Munkustrap settled beside him, his eyes so soft as he passed his meal to him. "You will tell me when you're ready and not before."

Munkustrap settled back to sit as a skewer was handed to him, taking in a deep breath of it’s smell. The fat and oil was still sizzling underneath the skin, and there was a faint hint of an herb underneath, rosemary. He didn’t realize quite how hungry he had been, his long sleep leaving his stomach in knots. He devoured the fish, much to Old Deuteronomy’s amusement, and relief.

“It wasn’t that.” Munkustrap licked the oil from his muzzle, cleaning his face with a paw. “I just had a...a memory, and it was horrible.”

“I understand." Deuteronomy passed him the ginger tea, and Munkustrap drank it down in a few gulps, the warm ginger settling the knots in his stomach. "Do you wish to tell me what you saw?”

He did...but, should he? That was the real question. Seeing the entire tribe being slaughtered before his eyes, he knew, deep down, that it hadn’t been real. As much as his drug addled mine had tried to convince him that they had been killed, his heart knew it wasn’t possible.

But it was what Macavity had made him do...what experiment he concocted while Munkustrap was in his blinding rage, it was that image that continued to haunt Munkustrap even to that very moment. "It's too horrible for words…"

“There are many horrible things in this world, many of which I have seen in my many lives. You need not fear insulting me, or frightening me, but ultimately the decision is yours to make. Just know that I am ready to listen."

A piece of him wanted to bury it deep down and never let it see the light of day again. He wanted to smother it and banish it to the farthest corner of his brain and forget it. But he knew…he knew if he didn’t let this out, if he didn’t put everything out there and face it head on, it would fester like an infected wound and he would never completely heal. As much as it pained him, as much as he felt sickened and horrified by it, he had to tell him. If only him. After all, who could Munkustrap trust with his secrets if not his father?

“...Tugger told you the most of what I endured.” He reached for the warm kettle by the fire, pouring himself more tea to drink. “He was accurate that I was...drugged-” Everlasting he was coming to despise that word, “with a powerful hallucinogen.”

Deuteronomy scooted in closer, their sides touching as he listened to Munkustrap speak. “He was accurate that I was forced to see the tribe being killed before me, one by one. That he forced such a rage out of me that I completely lost myself, that I...I murdered someone, because of it…"

He was starting to shake. "But what he...what he didn’t tell you, what I didn’t tell HIM, was who it was that I thought I killed.”

It was getting harder to speak, and he took a drink of the ginger tea to calm his nerves. Deuteronomy had remained entirely silent, his ears slowly going down with each sentence Munkustrap spoke. “It’s what I dreamt of every night… it made me so sick to my stomach I couldn’t eat. Every time I looked at him, I saw back to that moment…”

His breath stuttered, and he covered his muzzle with a paw as he suddenly felt overwhelmed with anxiety. Deuteronomy slid his paw around Munkustrap’s shoulders, pulling him close. “Take your time…”

He wanted to bury it down again. He wanted to run and hide, He wanted to scream and rage. He wanted to find Macavity and kill him for what he made him do.

Instead...he let it out. He had to let it out. “The cat I killed was a street cat, someone that worked with Macavity. But I...I saw Tugger…!"

His head lowered as he felt Deuteronomy's paw lightly jerk and partially lift off his shoulder. Both of Munkustrap's paws came up to cover his face as he felt the anguished tears threaten to rise again. "Everlasting...I thought I killed my little brother..!"

Silence stretched between them, the only sound the crackling of the kindling in the can, and the sizzling of more fish as it cooked. Munkustrap fully expected his Father to draw away, to look at him with as much disgust as he felt of himself, to cast him aside as he thought he should be.

But none of those things happened.

Instead that paw came back down on his shoulder and drew him in closer, pressing Munkustrap into his side as he leaned down and gently groomed his ears. "I'm so sorry, son. I'm sorry you were forced into such an act, and forced to endure it alone for so long. But you are not alone anymore, you're here because of the great love your tribe and family hold for you. You're here because Tugger loves you, because I love you. None of us will ever abandon you to the dark, we will always be there to take your paws in ours and guide you back into the light."

Munkustrap said nothing, he just pressed into his father's side and listened to his reassurances, his promises, and he couldn't help but believe them, believe him.

But there was always something that nagged at the back of his mind, a haunting whisper that made him press closer to his Father's warm fur in desperate defiance.

_**Are you awake..? Is this even real..?** _ ****

Of course it was real! There was no mistaking these scents and sensations, this warmth and comfort. He felt none of this under Macavity's thrall, so of course this had to be real! 

...right? 


	14. The Past We Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Munkustrap's journey of healing continues, and a past he thought he put behind him thrusts itself back into his life.

_"Daddy, tell us another story!"_

_"Another?" He let out a joyous laugh, "This is the third one tonight little ones!"_

_"But we cants sleeps! And yous tells the bests stories, daddy!"_

_"Oh, alright, if you insist. Come, scootch in..." Deuteronomy chuckled as the three kittens before him gathered in close, eyes wide in excitement._

_His arms went around the three, holding them close to his fluffy fur. "You, my little ones, know what a Jellicle Cat is, yes?"_

_"Yes! A Jellicles is... Is smalls!"_

_Munkustrap nudged Tugger with a giggle, the little brown kitten rolling over onto his back with a squeak. "And black and white!"_

_"And we know how to dance!" Macavity puffed up his fur proudly._

_"Yes, my treasures, that is part of it, but a Jellicle cat is more than just a name, a title. It's more than dances and colors. To be a Jellicle Cat is to be connected to the magics of the world, both old and new."_

_"Magic?" Macavity's eyes went big, Tugger and Munkustrap leaning in closer in interest._

_"Indeed, my morning star. Within every Jellicle is a little sparkle of magic, gifted by the Everlasting herself. Each of you has such a sparkle inside you, such a gift. Perhaps, one day, this magic will burst forth, and all of you will come to do great things..."_

"OW! Damn it..!"

Munkustrap had been so wrapped up in the memory he hadn't noticed his aim was off. He missed the nail entirely with his stone and struck himself right on the claw, said offending appendage now stuck in his mouth as he growled in annoyance from the pain.

"Munkustrap!" Deuteronomy stood in the grass, staring up at him in amusement, "I did not expect such foul language to come from your mouth!"

Munkustrap’s shoulders hunched at the teasing, but he couldn't help but crack a small, sheepish smile at the grin his Father sported. "You can blame Alonzo for being such a bad influence on me. He's been trying to introduce such language into my vocabulary ever since we became friends. With only partial success I might add."

"An influence is only one if we allow it to be. One can't truly change who they are unless they wholly accept that change."

Munkustrap had quieted at that tidbit of wisdom, his tail twitching as he resumed his hammering. "That’s very true..."

It had been a few days now since Munkustrap had arrived at the Vicarage, and he had to admit that settling into village life had made him feel much better than he thought he could. The peace and quiet contemplation, just the chance to REST, it was like a therapy in and of itself. Munkustrap hadn't felt such calm in a very long time, even since before the incident.

Though he still had the occasional nightmare, he was sleeping just a bit easier, his appetite was beginning to return, and with his newfound energy a restlessness had started to take root. Munkustrap was a very structured cat; he awoke every day with a routine already planned out, spontaneity rarely a word he allowed into his vocabulary. Being in the Vicarage, there wasn't much to do in ways of leadership duties and Guardian routines. So in his restlessness he had put himself to work, which, with some not-so-subtle hints from his Father, led to his current position upon the roof of the den, fixing the many leaks that had developed over the years.

"Alright, that should do it." Munkustrap hammered in the last nail, pulling on the plank to test its strength. He sat on his hip and slid down the slope of the roof, falling off the side and landing gracefully on his feet into the grass. "You know, you could have any den you wished for, even a house if you wanted. There has to be at least one villager out there that would consider opening up their home to you."

"Yes, I know, and quite a few of them have.” Deuteronomy turned to look up at the shed, his eyes sparkling as he reached out his paw to rest it on the old, rotting wood. “But I think I've become rather attached to this humble place. After all, this is where you and your brothers were born. It will always have a special place in my heart."

Munkustrap stood beside him and looked up at the shed, his arms crossing over his chest as he regarded the den. It was true, this was a special place. This shed held many memories for him. The first he could recall was of warm, silver tabby fur, emerald green eyes, and the voice of an angel greeting him and his brothers as their ears and eyes finally began to open. His mother, Grizabella. She smiled a lot more back then. A warm, loving smile...One he missed very much.

"Do you still think of her often? Mother?" Everlasting knew Munkustrap did...

"Oh yes...Quite often. I have had many lifetimes and many, many mates in those lifetimes. None, though...none can hope to compare to the love I felt for your mother." 

He had such wistfulness in his voice, a sad look in his eyes, it made Munkustrap's ears pin back. "Did you regret it..? Making her the Jellicle Choice?"

"No...The moment I heard her sing that night at the Ball I had already made my choice. She deserved nothing less than the chance at a new life. My only regret was not giving her a better one while she was still here."

There was such a deep sorrow behind his words, Munkustrap could feel his heart being dragged down right along with him. He reached out and placed a gentle paw on Deuteronomy's elbow. "You know you were not responsible for the choices she made."

He put his own paw over Munkustrap's, giving him a faint, grateful smile. "I know. But I could have made sure she never had to contemplate those choices. Ah, but this is not the reason you are here, to listen to an old cat prattle on about his past choices. Come, walk with me. It's midday now and the village will be bursting with life."

The old Cat turned and walked away, Munkustrap sighing and shaking his head in amusement as he followed along after him, both heading down the dirt road and toward the village proper. He wasn't wrong with his prediction. With the sun at its highest point the main road of the village was very busy, well as much as it could be with the amount of people who lived there. Compared to the hustle and bustle of London during the day, this was calm and peaceful, more orderly than chaotic.

The humans were milling about their simple, everyday lives. Here they didn't look for bargains in boutiques, cars didn't whiz by on oily asphalt streets (thank the Everlasting for that), people didn't push or shove in their haste to get to where they were going. They all greeted each other like they were old friends, and spoke as if they were family.

The two Cats weren't immune to such treatment. Old Deuteronomy was shown just as much respect as the humans gave each other, as if he were their own house cat. There were offerings of food and gentle touches, and for just being his companion Munkustrap found himself receiving that same respect. He swore he had probably eaten more in those last few days than he had the entire winter season.

As they walked together, the sound of a hammer on metal made Munkustrap pause. His ears slowly pricked up as he turned to peer through the slats of a fence by the road. A few horses were tied up by the large, wooden barn doors of a stone building, and Munkustrap could feel the heat on his face even from the road. This place… Yes, he remembered this place. The blacksmith.

It was still in the same spot from when he was a kitten, on the corner by the wood mill. Munkustrap could smell the burning metal, the soot, and the sweat of the horses as they were shoed. He remembered the old, muscular, dirty farrier that ran it. His hands were hard, toughened with heat and long healed blisters, but his touch, his face, so very gentle.

He remembered exploring the tool shelves and papping at the horse's tails, Tugger had somehow managed to climb up on one of the horses themselves, and declared it his noble steed. 

He also remembered Macavity being enamored with the forge, the heat and fire within. It matched his fur, he said, so he must have been made of fire too. Silly kitten logic, but in hindsight...a dreadful foreshadowing of the future in store for him.

He shook that particular memory from his head, turning away and trotting on to catch up with his Father. Deuteronomy had stopped to sit upon the low stone wall by the tailor to rest his feet, his face turned toward the warm sun. Munkustrap sat below him in the shade, fluffing up his fur to the cool breeze, and his face rose to the air as a fragrant scent passed over his nose. Roses, lilies, tulips...Another place he remembered. The flower shop.

Just down the road from the blacksmith laid the little store front lined with rows of pots and bouquets. It had been run by a sweet, dainty human female, with kind eyes and a soft voice who permanently smelled like the flowers she sold. As a kitten Munkustrap would often take naps in the soil under the blooms, or in between the rows of spring bouquets, lost in the scents of the buds and earth. It had been one of his favorite places to be, even if his brothers thought his love of the flowers to be silly.

Everything...it was all still the same, and in that sameness lied a strange sort of comfort. And yet, somehow, it was unnerving at the same time. That nagging thought ate at the back of his mind, that little voice that gnawed at him in his waking hours, and haunted him in his dreams.

**_How do you know what you’re seeing is real?_ **

"Well now, I'll be…if it ain't ol' Deuteronomy."

The toxic thought was interrupted by the new voice. Munkustrap glanced up from his spot by the wall as a little, hunched over, old man stopped to address them, a young girl holding him by the elbow. She giggled softly, "Oh, it is! Hello there, Dooty!"

She squeaked and laughed as the old man gave her a half hearted smack upside the head. "You mind your manners there, girly! This here Cat rules the village you see! Been king here since I was a wee thing like yourself, and long before!"

"Oh, of course! If you say so, Grandpapa." The girl came up to Old Deuteronomy, holding out her hand. "If it would please your esteemed majesty?"

Munkustrap could see his Father's shaggy fur shake as he laughed. The old cat pressed his head to her palm, granting her permission to pet him. "See Grandpapa? He doesn't mind, do you Dooty?"

Clearly not. Old Deuteronomy's face melted into bliss, his throat vibrated in a deep purr as her nails scratched under his chin. He was very much enjoying the attention this young girl lavished upon him.

The old man huffed and grumbled at her, muttering about manners respect, until his eyes settled on Munkustrap, and the Guardian felt something electric race up his spine as their eyes met. "...Blimey, it couldn't be."

Munkustrap found himself slowly moving forward as he was scrutinized by the old man, sniffing at his outstretched fingers. He smelled so...familiar. Warm and electric, like a close friend you lost contact with, but found again. His granddaughter turned to crouch down in front of the Guardian, an excited look on her face “Aw, Dooty, you have a friend? Hey there, cutie!”

“Oh, I remember you…It’s been quite a few years, hasn’t it boy?” The old man gently scratched him under the chin, and Munkustrap couldn’t help the purr that erupted from his throat. “I remember when you were just a kitten, dug up my garden, terrorized my chickens. You’ve grown into a fine young cat, haven’t you Munkustrap?”

Time suddenly felt like it had stopped as the old man spoke his name. Munkustrap was frozen, his eyes wide as he stared up at the human in pure shock. That electric feeling shot down his spine again, and his fur stood on end. How...how did he..? How could this human know his Jellicle name? That wasn’t possible…it shouldn’t be possible.

“Munkustrap!?” The young girl laughed. “You and your silly names, Grandpapa. What kind of name is Munkustrap? He looks more like a Tiger to me!”

“Well I didn’t choose it girly. Ol’ Deuteronomy here did, it’s his kit after all. Well, it was a pleasure to see ya again, my boy. Deuteronomy.” He tipped his hat at both the cats. “Carry on, girly. Let’s get this bread home to your mother before it gets stale.”

Munkustrap's ears went down, staring incredulously at the old man as he was led away by his granddaughter, his eyes turning to his Father. "How... How did he..? How could he possibly..?"

"Magic runs deep in the soil of these lands, child.” Deuteronomy had a knowing look in his eyes, a bright smile on his face. “Those that are born here are touched by it, and those that live here their entire lives can feel it most intensely. It connects all of us together. Surely you cannot tell me you didn’t feel it’s pull upon you the moment you set foot here? Come now, let us return home. This was enough activity for you today, it’s time for some quiet and rest."

Munkustrap wanted to protest, to ask more questions, but Deuteronomy had already started to walk away before he could get a word out. The Guardian was frozen, his mind racing. Magic… It couldn’t be. Munkustrap thought he had left this behind, that he had given this up on that day, the day everything changed. But it seemed what everyone had always said was true.

Magic runs deep in Old Deuteronomy’s lineage, and Munkustrap couldn’t escape his heritage so easily.


	15. Hope Is Reborn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which, after burying it deep within himself for so long, Munkustrap has an awakening, and realizes that nothing can truly keep the truth from his eyes.

The moon was full that night, bathing the vicarage in soft, pale light. The breeze had quieted and the air had gone still, allowing a mist to linger over the pond and around the willow tree. Anxious, Munkustrap had left the shed he shared with his father hours ago, restlessly pacing alone around the bank of the pond.

He felt...he didn't know what he felt, to be honest. What Deuteronomy had said earlier that afternoon had left him rattled, unnerved, and he would be lying if he said he wasn't also feeling a little angry. Magic…it was indeed true, he had felt it's touch the moment he and Tugger came into the village on that cart. There has been a strange pull within his heart he hadn't been able to explain, tugging at the fraying strings of the little coiled piece of himself he kept tightly wound deep within his core. A piece he had hoped to have forgotten existed.

With the anger, the nervousness, also came a terror. A deeply rooted fear and mistrust that had never quite left him since his adolescence. A mistrust not only in what abilities it gave him, but also in the abilities it gave his siblings, especially his eldest brother.

Those particular memories he had sworn he would never dredge up again, and yet even now they wouldn't leave him alone. They were at the forefront of his mind, haunting him, taunting him. Memories of smoke and fire, of screams and fear, of sorrow and death…

He snarled and shook the thoughts from his head. His ears pinned back as he lifted his paws to rub at his eyes as he continued his anxious pacing. Back at the Junkyard, whenever he felt this anxiety, he would walk patrols, or refine his fighting skills, or even lose himself in the company of his mate, such things were a perfect distraction from the crippling nervousness he occasionally felt swelling in his heart. But Demeter wasn't here, the Junkyard and it's many pathways were far away, and Munkustrap was left to endure the runaway emotions alone.

He paused in his pacing and stepped closer to the edge of the pond. He knelt down to gather a paw full of water to drink and clean his face. He was beginning to feel light-headed, his breath coming too quickly, and he tried to take a moment to steady himself, to calm, peering down at his reflection.

He stared at himself, at his green eyes and pale silver face. He still looked so gaunt, his fur having lost the shimmering luster it used to have, his eyes now so cloudy and dull. He looked exactly how he felt at that moment, hollow, a cheap imitation of his former self. A cat so confident in who he was and his values, a protector, a provider, a father, a mate…

Now look at what he had become...a broken, anxiety ridden, guilty killer. What would the Jellicles think if they knew exactly what he had done? If they knew what he was capable of? Would they still accept him? Still want him?

_**Do you truly believe they would ever accept you back into their fold?** _

He froze, his fur standing on end as his ears pinned back. Munkustrap looked back down at his reflection, but it wasn't his own eyes that stared back at him. He felt his heart constrict tightly in his chest as a pair of yellow, glowing eyes met his.

_"Do you really think that? That after all this they would just take you back? No questions asked?"_

_"Please…"_

_"Look at you, dear brother. Look at what you are. You're a beast, a savage. You would kill me without a thought in your head if you had the opportunity, wouldn't you?"_

_"No… stop this, please…"_

_"Oh, but you would, wouldn't you? You have that much hate and viciousness within you. Every cat here that holds you, you would slaughter without hesitation. That's what you are, dear brother. It only took some persuasion to bring the real you out into the open. So…shall we try again? I think one of the kittens this time will do..."_

_"No… no..!"_

_"Dose him again."_

"NO!" Munkustrap hissed and swiped his paw into the water, banishing the reflection, the memory, and he snarled again as he lowered himself rigidly onto all paws and shouted at the water. "Leave me alone!"

Breathing heavily, his entire body stiff and trembling, he stared back down at the water as the ripples from his paw began to still. Gone was the sickly yellow glow of his eldest brother's eyes. All he saw were his own, dull green and full of tears.

He sat back on his haunches, sucking in a trembling breath as he angrily wiped the tears from his eyes, but he paused. His ears perked as he heard a soft sound in the wet mud, a gasping of breath and a desperate struggle. His eyes turned to the bank, where he had splashed the water, and he felt a harsh pang in his chest as he saw a small fish wiggling in the grass, slowly going still.

"No… no, no…" He crawled over to the tiny creature, it's gills frantically pulsing as he scooped it up into his paws as gently as he could. "Forgive me…"

He dipped his paws back into the water, the fish slowly wiggling as it pushed water through its gills, taking in a deep breath. It squirmed with vigor and darted away back into the water, and Munkustrap let out a heavy sigh of relief as it disappeared from view.

"Why did you do that?"

Munkustrap's ears pinned back. He looked over his shoulder at the form of Old Deuteronomy as the old cat slowly shambled up behind him to stand on the river bank. How long had he been there? "Do what..?"

"Release that fish? It would have made a decent morsel." He was smiling, his fur puffy in the cool night air.

Munkustrap turned to look back over the pond, at the soft ripples of water where the fish swam under its surface. "Death should have meaning in it, purpose behind it. I wasn't hunting for it to sustain myself, it had simply been a victim of my outburst. It...it didn't deserve that. So I let it go. It'll sustain someone when it's time comes, be it another creature, or the earth. Until then, it deserves a fighting chance at life."

Deuteronomy hummed softly, nodding slowly at what he said. "I think wiser words have never been spoken, child." He moved in closer, resting his paws on Munkustrap's shoulders. "I thought I would find you out here. I was worried when I saw you had left the den."

Munkustrap's own paws came down to rest over Deuteronomy's, holding onto him for comfort. "My apologies for worrying you. I thought you were asleep. I…I just needed time alone."

"I understand, it's been a hard day for you. Such self revelations can take time to properly process, especially on a troubled mind such as yours at the moment."

Munkustrap rose to stand on the bank, brushing the water from his paws. "It's not only that...I had another panic. Worse this time."

Deuteronomy let out a quiet, sad sigh as Munkustrap continued to speak. "I see him everywhere. I hear him in my head, laughing at me and taunting me. I can't go a moment without thinking back to that day, how...how he tortured me. What he made me do." He settled a paw over his muzzle, lowering his head to gaze at his reflection once again. "How he's ruined me…"

"You have more strength than you give yourself credit for, son. You are not broken, nor are you ruined. Your morals, your heart, it has not been taken away. The very fact you spared the life of a creature insignificant to you proves that without a shadow of a doubt."

Deuteronomy drew him in closer, coiling his arms around him. "What was done to you was harsh and cruel, but you have survived it. You made it through the dark, and through the love and support of those around you, you have found your way here. Here where you may find peace, where you are safe to heal and rebuild what had been torn down."

His heart constricted, and his paws came up to rest on his Father's arms, and the poisonous thought that kept eating at him made its way back to the surface. Only this time, he finally gave it a voice. "But that's just it, isn't it? Am I? Am I really here?"

Deuteronomy's hold on him tightened, as if he could sense what it was Munkustrap was about to say. "It's what I fear the most. How do I know..? How do I know this isn't just another trick? Another one of his illusions..? A memory from our kittenhood to torture me..? How do I know that when I open my eyes in the morning...I'll wake up here..? And not back there..?"

Silence hung between them for a long moment as the fears he had tried to bury down finally came out into the open. What he dreamt about, what blocked him from fully opening up and trusting himself and everything around him.

"Oh, child…" Deuteronomy finally spoke, and his voice was full of sorrow. "My treasure...I am so sorry. I fear there may be no words of comfort I can offer to convince you that I am here, you are here, the pond, the sky, the wind… but…" He stroked his blunt claws through Munkustrap's shoulder fur. "Perhaps...you could be shown instead."

"How..?" He glanced up at his Father, his voice soft and hesitant. "How could you possibly show me?"

"It is not me that would show you, Munkustrap…"

"I don't-" he froze, and his eyes widened at the realization of what he meant. It all suddenly made sense, why he felt such a pull on his core, why his Father made mention of magic, and he felt anger and anxiety rushing back. "No… No, absolutely not."

"Child-"

"No!" He tore himself away from his Father's hold and stepped away. "I swore to myself long ago it would never see the light of day again, that I would never allow it back into my life! Magic has done nothing but cause misery to our family, and I will not give in to it the way Macavity did! I won't contribute to the harm he caused!"

"MUNKUSTRAP!"

The Guardian went absolutely still and silent. Never...never had he heard Old Deuteronomy raise his voice to anyone, for any reason. The sudden shout from his Father had struck him like a hammer, shocking him into silence.

"You are NOT Macavity. TUGGER is NOT Macavity. Magic itself is not harmful, it is not dangerous, it is what one does with it, how one wields it, that brings either joy or evil to those around them. Would you say to Tugger that he brings misery in how he wields his magic? Would you say the same to young Mistoffelees?"

The harsh tone of his words had Munkustrap shrinking in on himself, his paws coiling around his torso as he was admonished by the elder. But...he was correct. 

Tugger did wield a form of magic that affected everyone around him. The mood of the Junkyard was always shifting when Tugger was present, it felt joy when he did, melancholy, fear, anger. Tugger could inspire song and dance with just a simple note, or a shift of his body. He brought heat and sensuality every time he danced and sang, and it dragged others into it with him, whether they were aware of it or not.

It was a form of emotional manipulation, similar in the way Macavity hypnotized the minds of his victims, but so very different in that it was joyous and fun, not painful, or violating. Munkustrap had made damn sure when they were little that he would protect Tugger from it, and even now Tugger probably wasn't even aware he possessed such abilities within himself, even if it leaked out on occasion. But he would never say that Tugger, nor his mate, brought misery to the Tribe… ever.

"No… I'm sorry..."

Deuteronomy let out a quiet breath, his voice returning to that soft, calm tone once again. "Magic is a part of you, child. No matter how much you wish to deny it, how far you try to run from it, it is inside you, and it is a glorious gift. You know things others are ignorant to, you see things others are blind to. The truth is laid bare before you. That is not something to fear, something to shun. It should be embraced and celebrated. Now come...stand before me."

Munkustrap was about to protest, but the look his Father gave him sent him back into silence. He did as told, turning to face him and stand in front of him. Deuteronomy took Munkustrap's paws into his own and held them firmly. "I know it is unpleasant to think of, but look back. Back when you were in his paw."

Munkustrap shook his head, pulling his paws back. "Father, please…"

But Deuteronomy kept a tight hold in him, not letting him draw away. "I am here with you, child. I will not let you fall…trust me. Now think…what do you remember sensing when you were down in those tunnels? When you were drugged for the first time?"

Munkustrap was shaking, his tail was tucked between his legs, his body so tense he could barely move. "...I… I can't… please."

"Look at me, child. Look at me, I have you. I will not let you fall. Now tell me what you sensed."

"...I...I saw Alonzo, he-"

"I did not ask what you saw, I asked what you SENSED."

...Sensed. Munkustrap went completely still as what he was asking him finally sank in. He had never actually contemplated that. What HAD he sensed when he was under Macavity's paw? When he opened his eyes, when Alonzo had been laying before him, of course he had seen him. But Macavity had even said it himself, he couldn't trust his eyes. So what else had he sensed?

"...Nothing."

The smell of sulfur was so strong he couldn't smell Alonzo's familiar sweet scent, nor could he smell the blood that pooled under him. He hadn't been able to touch him, to feel his fur, and the many scars that lay hidden underneath that textured his skin. He had sensed absolutely nothing...

"That's right." Old Deuteronomy was smiling brightly, as if proud of what Munkustrap was realizing. "Macavity knows what magic you possess. You grew up together, you lived in each other's shadows. Why do you think he chose the method of torture he did with you?"

Yes…It made sense, it made so much sense. How could he have been so foolish? How could he have not seen this before? Munkustrap losing trust in his eyes, his nose, his ears, Macavity keeping him chained to that pipe, whispering suggestions into his ear. His elder brother had effectively crippled him to the point he couldn't sense anything at all. Illusions didn't have unique scents. Illusions didn't have inflection within their voices.

Illusions didn't have heart beats.

But here in the vicarage, Munkustrap could sense everything. Every smell, sound, sight, and touch, each of them was unique in their own way. Each carried a story behind them, an individual, alive or not. "...Everlasting above."

"See it for yourself, Munkustrap." Old Deuteronomy let him go and took several steps away, leaving the Guardian to stand alone on the bank of the pond. "Prove it to yourself."

There was no hesitation anymore. Munkustrap took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he relaxed. He went quiet, letting his heart still, emptying his mind, and he reached deep down into his core. He reached for a small piece of himself, a piece he kept tightly bound and tucked away. So very carefully he drew it back out into the light, unravelling it like a ball of yarn. Energy started to fill him, and his fur stood on end as he felt it's electricity ripple over his skin. It felt like a thrum, a deep vibration that spread out from his heart and encompassed his entire being.

With that release came a new awareness of everything around him. He could feel the air drifting over him, each individual strand of fur rippling as the nearly imperceptible breeze washed over it. The wind carried with it many scents, each passing over his nose, scents of the many animals over the countryside, the humans in the village, the earth, the water that surrounded him, and everything within that water. Each scent was unique, like a fingerprint, yet each source easily identified as the same. He could smell two sheep, yet both sheep held their own distinct scent that separated the individual from the flock.

His ears twitched and he could HEAR the thrum of the Earth below his feet. It was as if the world itself was breathing, like existence was pulsing with it’s own heart beat. He narrowed his concentration, pinpointed his hearing, and the individual sounds of the world came into focus. The singing of the birds, the rustling of the grass and branches of the trees, the bubbling of the stream that fed the pond, the flitting wings of the fireflies that hovered over the lily pads. All of it beautiful, musical, the symphony of the earth and life upon it.

And then he opened his eyes, the deep green of his irises glowing with a gentle light, and existence lit up before him like the stars in the sky. Every object, soulless or alive, sparkled with energy. The scales of the fish in the pond, the bodies of the fireflies, even the form of his father before him, spiderwebbed with constellations of light and electricity, the center of their cores pulsing like a bright star with each beat of their hearts.

And drifting across the landscape, ribbons of rainbow color swirled and twisted in elegant loops and twirls, like an aurora borealis dancing in the fog. Magic given corporeal form.

There was no mistaking this. This was the world as it was. Visions of wondrous color and orchestras of beautiful sound. What Munkustrap saw, what he experienced...it was real. No drug, no whispers of suggestion, could keep the very rhythm of existence from his eyes.

Just as quickly as it all appeared, it faded away. The world returned to its physical state of simple colors and scents, the faint breeze became imperceptible again, and the glow in Munkustrap's eyes died away. The Guardian breathed heavily as he came back to himself, his body buzzing with energy, and his heart rapid in his chest. He looked into Old Deuteronomy's eyes, and he finally found his voice. "...Holy shit."

The elder threw his head back and laughed, and Munkustrap cracked a smile, chuckling softly, and suddenly found himself laughing right along with his Father from the rush of it all.

It was the first time he had truly laughed in many months, the first real joy he felt. Any hold his elder brother had upon him had been burned away in the rush of energy Munkustrap had released within himself.

And for the first time since he came to the vicarage, Munkustrap felt true hope again. Hope that everything could return to the way it was. He was beginning to realize that, perhaps, he hadn't been ruined after all...


	16. Trust Is Restored

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Munkustrap rediscovers who he is, and finally regains trust in himself. The journey of healing comes to a close.
> 
> I'm so sorry it took me so long to get this out, this chapter wound up being so LONG, and kicked my butt for a MONTH! But now here it is! Please enjoy!
> 
> Comments and criticisms are always welcome!

_Quiet was that spring morning. The sun was settled just over the horizon, and a mist hung low to the ground over the rolling fields, wisping about the branches of the trees in the gentle wind._

_A lone cat slowly came down the main path toward the vicarage, a rather large fish hanging limp in his mouth. While this particular cat was certainly no stranger to the generous offerings from the humans he watched over in this small village, someone else was on his mind today. Someone else who needed this particular meal much more than he._

_And so, coming back from his hunt, Deuteronomy came to a stop just outside the entrance of his den, and he perked his ears as he listened._

_He could hear it, even from there. Soft, squeaking cries of distress, hunger, and longing. The Jellicle Patriarch felt his heart swell with joy and pride as he listened to the mewing of his newborn children. Until one particular high pitched screech made him nearly burst out in laughter._

_Ah, that one would be a handful._

_Finally easing himself into the den, fish between his fangs, his eyes settled upon the Queen resting amongst the sea of pillows in the flower trough against the wall. Grizabella's sparkling emerald eyes met his own brilliant amber, and she smiled faintly at him. By the Everlasting, everytime he looked upon her he felt his mouth dry up, his knees go weak, and his heart race within his chest. This Queen, this glorious goddess, to him, her beauty and grace could rival the Everlasting in brilliance._

_He lowered his head to her respectfully in greeting, his eyes full of love and care. Her gaze towards him spoke equally of such affection as she beckoned him closer with a nod of her head, lifting her tail to reveal the source of the squeaking cries. Three little kittens lay in the blankets of the nest she shared with him, all of them Toms. Sons..._

_The first was a little red kitten, the firstborn of the litter. He was pressed in close to her silver fur, latched on to a nipple near her chest. His paws were kneading as he suckled away in content, letting out the occasional soft mewl. He was the only quiet one, and oh, so gentle as he nursed. Deuteronomy sensed such calm and caring in him, his eldest son, his heir. He would make a fine and wonderful leader one day._

_The second kitten, a tiny brown, fluffy tabby, lay fast asleep after his meal of milk. He was stretched out on his back against her belly, tiny paws and tail twitching in the air as he dreamed. He was the smallest one of the litter, born only recently after hours of hard labor. Skinny and slightly premature, he would probably be very small when he was grown._

_The third was facing away from his mother, separated from the pile of kittens. His little black nose was rooting around through the blankets, and occasionally he lifted his head to let out a distressed, high pitched mew._

_So this was the one that cried the loudest. Deuteronomy chuckled softly as he placed his fish down, reaching out his paws to scoop up the little kitten. "Have you become lost?"_

_While the other two kittens clearly had traits derived from himself, the second born kitten was the spitting image of his mother. His coat was a pure shimmering silver with long dark stripes scattered throughout, his face so pale and distinct._

_For a moment the little kitten squealed in fear, flailing little black paws as he was suddenly lifted into the air. He screamed and cried, sometimes spitting or trying to hiss, but when he was suddenly enveloped in soft, fluffy fur, and the scent of his father filled his tiny nose, he instantly went calm and silent. It was as if he suddenly knew that this was a place of comfort and safety. He curled up tightly in Deuteronomy's hold, and his tiny black paws started to knead into his fur. The Maine Coon felt his heart might burst with love and joy._

_"You have a magic touch." Grizabella giggled at him as Deuteronomy climbed into the nest with her. "I haven't been able to get him to settle since the littlest one knocked him off his milk."_

_Deuteronomy pressed his head against hers as he placed the silver kitten back down against her belly, helping him to find a new nipple to latch on to. "Hardly, my shimmering moon." He nuzzled against her as he laid down against her back, sighing in content. "I do not think I can thank you enough…"_

_"Thank me, sweet love?” She turned her head to look at him. “What on Earth for?"_

_His entire body vibrated in a deep purr as he pressed in as close as he could, his tongue swiping over her face in affection. "For these precious gifts you have given me. Our children, your companionship, your love. These gifts I will forever hold closest to my heart…"_

Old Deuteronomy’s ears perked as he was brought out of his reverie by the sound of splashing water. His eyes fluttered open and turned from his spot on the wall to gaze out over the water.

Munkustrap was crouched down on the stepping stones in the middle of the pond, torso soaked to the skin with water. He was staring intensely down at the rippling surface, his body completely still for a second, two seconds, three...and then he suddenly plunged forward, submerging his upper body into the water. An instant later he was upright again, moisture dripping off his fur, with a minnow in his mouth. A tiny pile of the fish lay by his feet, in which his latest catch was added to.

A faint smile passed over Deuteronomy’s face as he watched his son gather their afternoon meal. In the time that he had been at the vicarage Munkustrap’s recovery had been progressing along at a steady, yet very heartening pace. His confidence had returned with the revelation of the reality around him, and with that confidence had returned his brilliant smile and joyful laughter. He was no longer thin and gaunt, his body having filled out once again from the offerings of the villagers, his muscle toned from his runs through the fields and across the roads. So close was he to returning to his regular self, compared to the sickly, terrified thing that had climbed into his arms when he first arrived; Deuteronomy could say he hardly recognized him now.

There seemed to be only a single thing that kept Munkustrap from fully trusting himself again, a final barrier that had yet to be broken down. Old Deuteronomy had faith, though. He had faith in the strength his son possessed, and in the values he held so dear. He would break through this wall around his heart, that he was sure of. It only needed a catalyst.

As he watched Munkustrap in his hunt, it gave the old cat a moment to contemplate. There were many things he could say about himself and his sense of the future, and he could hardly say he had ever been mistaken about anything. Though looking back now, contemplating the past...oh, how wrong he had been about his three most recent children. So wrong, predicting their futures.

A tiny runt who had grown beyond anyone’s expectations into a wild, vibrant, caring young Tom. A nervous, feisty kitten who had grown into a strong, wise Guardian, his heart overflowing with love and care for everyone around him. And sadly, a passionate, ambitious, protective kitten, who had so much potential for greatness, but had fallen into darkness and madness.

So many choices he wished he could take back, and yet...so many more he would make all over again, if given the chance. But in the end, what he had at that moment, what stood before him both here in the vicarage and back at the Junkyard, he would not trade for anything in the world.

***

Munkustrap swiped his tongue over his paw and rubbed at his face, grooming the last of the dripping water out of his fur. He shook himself out with a heavy sigh, tipping his head back as the wind brushed over him. He smiled at the sensation of the breeze through his wet fur, bringing with it some relief from the hot sun.

He couldn't explain it, but the world felt...different, somehow. The air smelled just a tad sweeter, the sun slightly warmer, and everything seemed to be more vibrant than before. His visions, his nightmares, had been banished since that evening his Father helped him to face the terror he fought in his mind. 

But his convictions and promises he had made to himself remained ever present within him. He would not come to lose himself in his magic, he would not let it dominate him, nor would he come to solely rely on it. He was a warrior and a hunter, an extensively trained master of his senses. He didn't need to rely on magic when a simple smell of the air or a perk of his ears would suffice.

But even though he had tightly wound the energies he held within himself back down into his core, they were less confined in a straight jacket and more...coiled in a soft shroud. Whereas he had tried to lock them away before, to place them into a cell and hoped they rotted away into nothing, they now simply slumbered within him until he called upon them again. Even now he could feel the warm, constant thrum under his heart, like the purr of a kitten cuddled against his sternum, gentle and comforting. He had no reason to fear it anymore, no reason to run from it, and embracing it once again had been far easier than he thought it would be. Now he felt...complete.

Turning away from his thoughts, he gazed down toward his feet. Several minnows he had caught from the pond, all of them laying in a neat little row on the stones before him, ready to be prepared. He was sure it was hardly a proper meal for his father, but it would be enough for just the afternoon. Besides, it felt good to hunt again, even if it was for something so small and meager.

Dragging a little bucket closer, borrowed from the shed, Munkustrap got to work stripping the scales off the fish with his claws and dropping the now naked morsels inside. He scooped up the scales themselves afterwards, placing them in along with the fish. Waste not, want not; a lesson he had been taught by the older Queens of the Junkyard when he had been smaller. Anything around you could be used for any purpose, be it repair, medicine, trade, or even just decoration. It was especially true if a life was given to fulfill that purpose.

Munkustrap’s ears pinned back as he stood up on the stones, his mind wandering at that particular thought as he picked up the bucket and made his way back to the den to deposit his catch. He constantly tried to tell himself it wasn't his fault, that he had been manipulated and tricked, but he couldn't help but think back to that moment. The moment he came back to himself from his rage, to stare in shock and horror at the face of his younger brother beneath him, ripped to shreds by his claws and fangs.

Not Tugger, clearly it hadn't been, but under the illusion of his brother had been another life. A cat with his own names, his own ambitions and desires. Munkustrap briefly wondered if he had had a mate, kittens, or a human. It was difficult to look into another's eyes, even if they were your enemy, and not think about how they had a life as distinct as your own. A life that had been so callously ripped away. A life Munkustrap had been forced to take…

Forced…a word he kept shoving between the memories of what he had done. Forced. But some tiny part of himself, some little voice within, always planted that seed of doubt and anxiety. If such a horrid thing had been forced out of him, then it was something that had been hidden within him all along. What was to stop it from coming to the surface again? Without the assistance of mind altering drugs? What was to stop him from hurting the ones he loved most if this monster ever appeared again?

Munkustrap growled at himself, shaking his head as he left the bucket of fish in the den. He needed a distraction, to shift his thoughts. A run would do him some good before the afternoon meal, expel some pent up energy and clear his head. Stepping clear of the den, Munkustrap steadied his breathing and, with a little hop, dug his claws into the dirt beneath them and took off. He ran, and ran, down the path of the vicarage and through the village, up the dirt roads, darting between horse hooves and human feet, bounding over stone walls and tree stumps like he was being chased by a demon. 

Running, even if it was just laps around the Junkyard, had always been cathartic to him. His mind could focus on little else than the placement of his feet, and the rhythm of his breath, dodging around and leaping over any obstacles in his way. It was exhilarating, mind numbing, and it was one of the few things that, in the end, brought him such a deep relaxation he could sleep like a kitten after a large meal of milk. After the highway incident last year, he hadn’t really had an opportunity to just let go and run, to leave his thoughts behind as he chased the wind.

Munkustrap’s sprint had brought him into a small residential area, rows of stone houses lining the pathway. He slowed down to a walk under the shade of a few trees, flopping down onto the grass with a soft laugh, his energy spent. He stared up at the leaves swaying in the breeze, the sun only barely peeking through the branches, and another thought drifted through his head. He wondered...what would the tribe think if he decided he didn’t want to leave the village? He could stay here, living as he did when he was a kitten. He could run, hunt, leap, climb, with no responsibilities or fears.

But as quickly as the thought had come into his head, it was just as quickly shut down and cast aside. As tempting as it was to abandon everything and disappear into the countryside, his heart was back at the Junkyard, back at home with the Jellicles…and with his human. Everlasting, it had been so long...he wondered how Emily was doing. Was Tugger taking care of her as he promised? Did Emily miss him? Was she searching for him? That thought brought a heavy, guilty feeling to his chest. As wonderful as it was to be back out here, he longed to be back in the warm home she owned, back in her arms again.

A sudden noise interrupted his thoughts, coming from behind one of the houses, a noise of fear and panic. Munkustrap sat bolt upright, his ears perking as he listened. It was close by, the sound of flapping wings and desperate...clucking? A chicken?

Munkstrap jumped up from his spot in the shade and took off at a run between the gaps of the homes and around the backyards, squeezing himself through a gap in the chicken wire that lined a lawn. A hen was running around and flapping her wings outside a dingy coop, screaming and clucking in a panic. What in the world could have her so frightened? “Madam!”

He trotted up to her, the chicken screaming at him and running circles around him. She was speaking so fast he could barely understand what she was saying. “Madam, madam please, slow down.”

His Guardian instincts were kicking in as he knelt down before the hen, gently holding her still with his paws, even as she flailed herself about in fear and panic. "Madam, I can't understand you. Please, slow down. Speak to me, what’s happened? I’m Old Deuteronomy’s son, I’m here to help you."

The mention of his father had the chicken looking heavily relieved, calming down enough to bring some sense to her clucking. Munkustrap wasn’t very well versed in the language of birds, but he knew just enough to pick out some distinct words.

House, chicks, babies, help, please, fox.

...Fox…

Munkustrap felt his blood turn ice cold, and an instinct deep within him clawed its way back to the surface. “Stay here.”

He darted past the chicken and approached the door of the coop. Munkustrap kept himself as low as he could, his hackles rising as he silently stepped inside. He could smell the stale scent of hay and corn, the warm scent of downy feathers and...blood. He felt his breath stall in his throat as he moved further into the coop, and a new scent hit his nose. Dirt, rotting meat, and the distinct scent of wild canine. Peering around the corner deeper inside, he froze, and his eyes went wide. There it was...

It was lean, it’s fur a patchy red and brown. The fox was digging at a pile of hay, growling and snuffling as it searched through one of the many nests that lined the stalls of the coop, kicking up bits of straw, downy feathers, and egg shells. Several of the other nests were already destroyed, and Munkustrap could see the fluffy feathers within them. He felt his anger reaching a boiling point, but silenced the snarl that threatened to bubble up. Was he too late..?

But within the nest the fox was digging into, Munkustrap heard a noise that made his heart suddenly clench. Frightened, frantic peeping. Munkustrap lost thought and let instinct take hold. With a loud snarl he let his claws out and he darted toward the fox, leaping onto it and taking it by surprise.

The fox rounded on him with a shriek of shock and pain as Munkustrap's fangs sunk down into it's scruff, back claws rapidly kicking to leave deep scratches on the fox's flank. The fox struggled and thrashed underneath him, twisting it’s body and managing to get it’s jaws around to clamp down onto his leg. His bad leg.

Munkustrap felt searing pain travel up his hip and spine, and he yowled around the fur in his mouth, feeling hot blood bubble up from the wound and slid down his fur. The pain was excruciating and made his eyes water as the fox shook it's head back and forth, trying to throw him off. But the Guardian refused to let go, he refused to back down. No more lives would be taken, not tonight!

Bringing down his front paw, he sliced his claws down the fox's face, and it howled in pain as it's eye erupted with blood. Blinded and frightened, it let go of his leg and made it’s retreat, darting away and running out of the chicken coop. Adrenaline rushing through him, Munkustrap shoved his pain aside and followed behind in pursuit, his tail tucked close to his body, his fangs bared in a vicious snarl. He chased it through the gap in the wire, running a short distance toward the treeline before the fox stumbled and turned to face him. It laid itself out on the ground, exposing its belly and prostrating itself before the Guardian in fear and surrender.

Munkustrap felt such anger as it laid before him, begging him for mercy, his claws digging furrows in the ground. How dare it? How dare it beg him like this? How DARE it? Munkustrap's lips curled away from his fangs as he let out a low, dangerous growl. Blood coated the fox's face, little downy feathers stuck in it's teeth, and it brought such rage into his heart. This being, this scavenger, this SCUM, thought it could exploit the weakest of the weak amongst them, infants that couldn't run, couldn't defend themselves, with no consequence? It dared to beg HIM to spare it's life? It made him sick.

He could easily end it, right then and there. Destroy this creature, end it's terror upon these hens and their chicks. His paw lifted, his claws fully extended. Do it... DO IT! 

So why...why couldn't he? Why was he hesitating? Why couldn't he bring his claws down upon this beast's throat? Why couldn't he follow through? What was stopping him from destroying the cowardly, sickening life that was now at his mercy? This life...

A life as distinct as his own...

Munkustrap's ears slowly pinned back as those words drifted through his mind, and the memory of what he had done, what he had been forced to do, passed before his eyes. He now felt himself wondering; did this fox have names? Did this fox have a mate? Did it have pups? What had it been thinking when it made it's decision to raid the coop? Was it malice? Cruelty? Or was it starving? Was it trying to feed itself and it's family?

What right did he have to take this life away? What force made him the judge, jury, and executioner? The Everlasting? Was he so superior because he had her favor as a Cat? No. As much as the actions of this being sickened him, he had no right to judge it’s actions, no right to determine it’s fate. He had done what he set out to do, to defend those who could not defend themselves. Munkstrap, Guardian of the Jellicle Tribe, was no murderer. He was a protector...nothing more.

Munkustrap's paw slowly lowered down to the ground again, and he let out a deep growl. "Go... And never come back..."

He charged at the fox with a roar, and it scrambled away, taking off at a run and disappearing into the bushes. Munkustrap watched after it until it’s pawsteps faded into the distance. Did he make the right choice? He didn't think he would ever know the true answer to that. But was it the moral choice? Munkustrap believed it was...and that was good enough for him.

Munkustrap let out the breath he was holding as he relaxed, the adrenaline of the fight fading away. He had already exerted his leg with his sprint, and now the pain of his bite was starting to catch up to him. Turning away to slowly limp back towards the coop, he spotted the hen by the entrance, softly calling inside. A moment later three little yellow chicks darted out to hide under her wings. So there were still some left alive...Munkustrap thanked the Everlasting for such small mercies.

She turned to Munkustrap, her head bowing low. Her voice was hesitant as she tried to speak to him in the language of cats, "...Thank."

He bowed in return to her, his voice low as he answered her. "I am sorry I wasn’t here sooner, madam, that I wasn’t fast enough to save them all..."

"You... what word... saved... these." She clucked to him, looking down and lifting her wing to reveal the three little chicks, "Would...dead. Thank..."

Munkustrap nodded to her, reaching out and pressing his paw to her wing in respect as she turned to tend to her brood. With her attention now to the remaining chicks, Munkustrap took his leave, slowly limping away and heading back to the dirt road to make his way back to Old Deuteronomy’s den.

***

“You always seem to get yourself into trouble, son.” Deuteronomy chuckled as he mixed a green paste in a little cup, scooping it up to smear it over the puncture wounds on Munkustrap’s thigh. “Even as a kitten, how often did I see you with some kind of scrape or scratch?”

Munkustrap was seated upon the rickety bench near the back of the den with his leg stretched out across it, hissing sharply at the sting of the medicine as it seeped into his wounds. “Far too often.” He at least had the decency to look sheepish. “My apologies, if I worried you.”

“I always worry over you, child. You and Tugger both.” He placed a clean cloth over the wound, guiding Munkustrap’s paw to hold it in place while he prepared a bandage. “I wouldn’t be a good father if I didn’t think of you often, would I?”

Munkustrap couldn’t help the soft blush of embarrassment that creeped up on his face as Deuteronomy carefully coiled the bandage around his thigh. “You...you are a good father. And dare I say, perhaps, one of the best. I…” He bit his lip, letting out a quiet breath, “I cannot thank you enough, for all that you have done for us, for me. I think I might not have made it, if it weren’t for your wisdom, your patience with me.”

The gentle smile that passed over the elder cat’s face made Munkustrap’s heart skip, his paw coming up to gently cup the Guardian’s face. “My son, you have come a long way since you first arrived here. You have rediscovered yourself, found truth in the world around you, you have shown such strength and resilience. But also...You have shown such love and care, have shown forgiveness and compassion, and proved to yourself that who you are is defined by what is within your heart. What you have done today, yes, I hold such pride in you for it, but it is you, my precious treasure, that should be most proud of yourself.”

Munkustrap settled his own paw over his father’s, his head lowering as he felt fresh tears prick at his eyes. Deuteronomy placed his paw under his chin and guided him back up, to look into his eyes with a bright smile. “I love you, child.”

He returned the old cat’s smile with one of his own. “And I you, father.”

“Now come, let’s finish tending to your wounds so we may eat. I’m famished.”

Munkustrap couldn’t help the laugh that burst out. Trust the moment to be ruined with the mention of lunch. “Of course.”


End file.
